Has anyone met a long distance friend?

[earlyre]

I never have, but...
My HS girlfriend, met a guy online fall semester of her freshman year @ Ohio U. By spring semester he had transferred up from Katy,Tx. That was in 2000.
They've been married at least 15 yrs, and have 6 kids.

Have a cousin who started seeing a girl in Hong Kong online, after a couple years he flew over, and they got engaged. She came over for a visit before the wedding, they had a ceremony here, and one there. They lived in an apartment her father owned over there. They're now divorced, and he owns a running supply store on lantau (sp?).

Another friend made a completely platonic friend online while in college. A few years ago she bought him a plane ticket to come visit her in Arkansas.
Then when I bought a car from my brother in DFW,he and I flew down and road tripped it back to OH. As soon as she found out we were going to be going through Arkansas, OMG YOU HAVE TO STOP AND HAVE DINNER WITH US!!!!

We got a late start out of dallas (3pm) and had supper with her, her parents, and her weird coke head uncle at an IHOP @ 10 pm somewhere around Little Rock...

So while I've never met a long distance friend or "friend", it can be interesting...

 

[bubbatime]

Pro Tip: Dont talk about motor oil, transmission oil, gear oil, lubricating oil, cutting oil, car maintenance, etc, unless you want to never hear from a lady again.

 

[mclasser]

Talk to girls IRL versus on some random online forum.

 

[JennyHemi]

Originally Posted By: motor_oil_madman
I've been talking to a girl...for several years now, like 5 or 6 years
She lives in California and has had a bf for 3 or 4 years, but they've kind of had a bit of a rocky past.
I know he's cheated on her before and he doesn't always give her enough attention.
Our relationship got started by helping each other
She would help me because I'm shy and a little socially awkward
She's super nice and doesn't have the usual crazy red flags that I'm accustomed to.



You've made a mistake here and missed a few flags, friend.

You're already emotionally invested with this woman. You're the textbook example of a 90's movie geeky niceguy who shows the pretty girl that her boyfriend is a jerk and wins in the end. Only that rarely happens in real life.

Unless it's your sister or other relative, there's nothing good that can come from talking to a woman about her boyfriend (or YOUR girlfriend/wife), especially long distance. And there's serious problems with becoming attached to a person without meeting them. And the longer it continues (you already consider it a "relationship" with her), the worse it gets. You're years in.

You're doing yourself (and her) a huge disservice. This voice/words-only type of "relationship" only fosters your social awkwardness and prevents you from improving because you give emotional feedback without the benefits and challenges of a physical meeting.

Stop. Get out. Let her go - cold turkey (explain it to her - don't just ghost). Join a social group or organization that's LOCAL. If that makes you feel panicky, get a little therapy. Don't waste more time that could be spent with someone fantastic.

 

[Shannow]

Nice post JennyHemi

I thought the thread was about more traditional friends
* Gary Allan
* XS650
* tempest
* moribundman
* sequoia (admin of the now defunct Screamforme BB)
* PoetGrrl (co-mod on screamforme BB)

With a little bit more organisation, I could have met a few others.

 

[Lyman]

I was friends with my Wife for 10 years before we ever even went out on a date. Been together for the last 20 years and married 15 of those. She saw me at my worst and my best many years before we ever hooked up. Needless to say our mutual friends were shocked when we started dating.

 

[Anduril]

Originally Posted By: bubbatime
Pro Tip: Dont talk about motor oil, transmission oil, gear oil, lubricating oil, cutting oil, car maintenance, etc, unless you want to never hear from a lady again.

No?



She's helped me poke around under the hood a few times, too. Joined me at the junkyard a couple weeks ago to grab a heater pipe for her car.

 

[Silk]

Yeah, when I met my wife she was riding, maintaining and building her own motorcycles, she knows dirty hands.

 

[surfstar]

JennyHemi got it right.

She's "using" you. Talks to you when things with the BF aren't good. You provide emotional support. She'll never plan to meet or date you. In addition to someone to vent to, she can use you against her BF (emotional cheating).

No good will come of this "relationship" for you.

Find someone local. Online dating is very convenient now. Tip: don't "chat" for days with someone online. You see their profile, they see yours. You already both know more background about each other than anyone you've ever said "hi" to at a bar. Make a little small-talk, then meet for a drink. You can match up perfectly online, but be completely put-off in person. Don't waste your/their time chatting for days, when the "chemistry" doesn't exist in person. Don't meet for a dinner date or anything long/committing for a first date. Drinks (alcohol preferred, but coffee works) are cheap and quick - if going well, you get another round.

Good luck - but first step is to stop wasting your time with this current "relationship".

 

[The motor guy]

Originally Posted By: danthaman1980
Originally Posted By: SatinSilver
Not to be a party pooper but sounds like she put you in the dreaded FZ (friend zone). It's a numbers game, the more contacts you make with pretty ladies the better your odds are. Make 100 contacts, your odds are better than if you only make a half dozen tries. You'll get better each time if you learn from your mistakes.

Plus there's tons of other guys in her area that have home field advantage. Which comes into play if she's hot, friendly and single. Time to cut bait like fishermen do. Don't be afraid to ask the pretty ladies for advice, they like that. It's one of their favorite topics usually.


Yeah man, you gotta play your odds. OP, if you haven't signed up for online dating yet, do it. Now. Online dating is perfect for us introverted/shy socially awkward types. I met my current girlfriend online, on one of the free dating sites. Talk with LOTS of women, and go out on dates with as many as possible. Lunch dates are great, much less pressure. You CAN be a gentleman while playing the field. THEN, if you don't have a GF 3-5 months from now - take your trip to CA and talk to your friend about relationship issues. You will be much more interesting (maybe more desirable too, or maybe not) after that.


We don't talk about relationship issues, that's just how we got started talking, we talk about each other now. I haven't been swooning over this girl for the last 6 years I just got to wondering if what I've been looking for has been right in front of me all this time. I've been online for like 4 years now and have set up tons of dates, the problem is 95 percent of these women have no intention of meeting, they'll cancel an hour or two before you are supposed to meet. Also it's completely random when she replies back, it could be later that night, 5 minutes later or a week later. She's always apologetic if she takes a week to reply.

 

[Mr Nice]

Christian Mingle / Singles dot com is a better option.

How long have you been divorced ?

 

[The motor guy]

Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
Christian Mingle / Singles dot com is a better option.

How long have you been divorced ?


I've never been married.

 

[aquariuscsm]

I might've missed it,but what kind've forum did y'all meet on,and how did y'all come together? How old are you and she? Has the "if only we lived closer to each other" topic ever come up? If not,maybe you should just casually bring it up and see what her reaction is. Life is short,so if don't go for it you'll never know

 

[The motor guy]

Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
I might've missed it,but what kind've forum did y'all meet on,and how did y'all come together? How old are you and she? Has the "if only we lived closer to each other" topic ever come up? If not,maybe you should just casually bring it up and see what her reaction is. Life is short,so if don't go for it you'll never know

I actually think you're the one who told me this a while back when I asked one of my girl questions and I brought her up. Yes I think I joked about hanging out with her if she didn't live so far away. She texted me saying she was bored. I think I told her she should move to Texas, then she was like, but their is no beach! I was like yeah their is, I live like 30 minutes from the beach. lol Then she was like oh ok, I didn't know that. I can't remember what else exactly This conversation probably happened 2 years ago. Then I think she either had to go or I had to go and ended it by telling her I was going to grab an ice cream, then I said I'll buy you one She was like thanks, no guy ever buys me things, not even on dates

 

[Mr Nice]

If you were here I know a few nurses I could set you up on blind date.

 

[SatinSilver]

Have you seen a picture of her?

It seems as though a lot of nurses are single regarding the post from Mr. Nice.

 

[The motor guy]

Originally Posted By: SatinSilver
Have you seen a picture of her?

It seems as though a lot of nurses are single regarding the post from Mr. Nice.


Yeah we've traded pics. Surprisingly she didn't run away. That's usually what happens.

 

[SatinSilver]

Another tip I just thought of is how the pretty ladies appreciate impeccable grooming(clean hands and finger nails etc) and someone in good shape(no big belly).

 

[The motor guy]

Originally Posted By: SatinSilver
Another tip I just thought of is how the pretty ladies appreciate impeccable grooming(clean hands and finger nails etc) and someone in good shape(no big belly).


Yeah. I pretty much got stuck with all the attributes girls don't do for. I'm short 5'4", skinny and it takes me a while to become comfortable with new people, so I'm a bit quiet at first.

 

[JennyHemi]

Originally Posted By: SatinSilver
Another tip I just thought of is how the pretty ladies appreciate impeccable grooming(clean hands and finger nails etc) and someone in good shape(no big belly).


I'm not sure what things are like where you live, but every woman I know has a mind of her own, and has different likes and dislikes. Yes, even the [gasp] "pretty ones". I know plenty of women who like bigger men, or short men, bald men, hairy men, sweaty motorcycle guys, etc. Yup, beer bellies too. Sure, "impeccable grooming" is nice, but good manners and a good heart are harder to find and more highly prized. In the long-run, it's the whole package that matters to us - not the wrapping.

Good lord, give us some credit for having minds of our own - even if you're just pretending.