Getting married; where to live?

doitmyself said:
I and my wife of 46 years were together about 5 years before we got married. Based on my experience, my opinion is that even with several years of being together, you still don't really know them that well. It took me/us many years to develop into that unconditional love stage (a foreign concept in my upbringing). Before that, I think we both had some hidden characteristic neither knew about each other. I think that in the "being together" stage many people don't show their true inner selves, maybe for fear of losing the other person?

Most, if not all of us have faults. Staying married means learning to accept and live with each other's faults through thick and thin (not abuse and similar things).

Sequoiasoon stated "That final step is a big commitment and needs constant communication and work, no hiding, it won't help later. That goes for money, kids, retirement, career goals, family time, chore and expense sharing and expectations." Delve into these topics now and make sure you are on similar pages.

That you are asking us advice on this is a bit of a red flag on your part regarding how well you think you know your potential lifetime mate. But kudos for reaching out for advice, hopefully with the idea of growing better based on other's experiences.
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Congrats on the 46 years. Wife and I made 46 this October. I can see and agree with every word you wrote. Dont know if it is like this for you but when I realize its 46 years..... and I think about good and the bad. All of the good erases the bad for me easily even thought there is always some rough patches we all go thru. I think the man and woman must some how be so in tune with each other you end up not just mates but best friends. Think that is what really makes any couple make over 40 years. My only advice to the young would be this.
Do you feel like you can not be without that person? If so, maybe it is right (if) they feel the same.
 
SammyChevelleTypeS3 said:
there is always some rough patches we all go thru. I think the man and woman must some how be so in tune with each other you end up not just mates but best friends.
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For some reason I've never liked that concept of "best friends" regarding either marriage or parent/child relationships. There's some things I do with my friends that I would never do with my wife. There are things my wife and I have been through together that I would never expect a friend to endure. Also, being in tune with each other is excellent, but I also think it is perfectly reasonable for each to have separate interests/hobbies/whatever apart from each other. I think it would be rather boring if everything meshed together too well. Odd thoughts, I know, but it works for us.
 
If i could do,it over again at 11 years old I would have become a gelding. ;)
 
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I believe marriage is at it's core, a team effort to make a family (sure later in life it's a partnership). All the other fluff is just that. 36th year of marriage, with no children. If I could go back in time, I'd have 3 or 4 children. Seems like a crazy thing to say, but everything I've worked for, is for what? So I can die with more than I need? That's not the meaning of life, children are. I can't pass on my knowledge to kids I don't have, nor can I pass on anything of value to mine. If I could go back in time, to have 3 or 4 Children, it would be worth every penny I've earned, and all I've accomplished. Kids would have made my life worthwhile. In light of the above financial revelation, even with a contentious and bankrupting divorce, any financial burden would have been worth it.

Sure, I could donate my estate to some charity. Trust me, that's not the same as providing for family.

Oh, and never fight about money. You'll always have food, a bed and a roof. Everything else is a luxury, don't fight over luxuries.
 
KGMtech said:
We may not be strangers, but this is a forum for people with OCD on oil and filters and other aspects of care of personal owned equipment....so the insights might be biased.

Does she come from a good family with a solid reputation? sort of like knowing who made your oil or filter?
Does she have any warning lights on the dash? same comparison to cars.
Does she self align? or do you have to correct the steering all the time?
Is her frame straight with no hidden damage?
Is she completely metric? as a Canadian this is important.
Lastly, will she last way longer than the payments?

Just remember, you asked.
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That is really wonderful advise.
 
Cujet said:
I believe marriage is at it's core, a team effort to make a family (sure later in life it's a partnership). All the other fluff is just that. 36th year of marriage, with no children. If I could go back in time, I'd have 3 or 4 children. Seems like a crazy thing to say, but everything I've worked for, is for what? So I can die with more than I need? That's not the meaning of life, children are. I can't pass on my knowledge to kids I don't have, nor can I pass on anything of value to mine. If I could go back in time, to have 3 or 4 Children, it would be worth every penny I've earned, and all I've accomplished. Kids would have made my life worthwhile. In light of the above financial revelation, even with a contentious and bankrupting divorce, any financial burden would have been worth it.

Sure, I could donate my estate to some charity. Trust me, that's not the same as providing for family.

Oh, and never fight about money. You'll always have food, a bed and a roof. Everything else is a luxury, don't fight over luxuries.
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Many from the next generation chasing other things would benefit from your perspective.
 
Lived together for 7 yrs before we got married, found our first little Apt and the rest is history. ;)
 
FYI

This is no longer my thread.
Somehow, someone changed it, not me, and totally changed the context of my original question.
 
TimeFlies said:
FYI

This is no longer my thread.
Somehow, someone changed it, not me, and totally changed the context of my original question.
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Not sure what that means - but recently I have seen where you live impact a marriage bcs they were from different places and it formed a kinfolk distance problem for one - but not the other …
(pick her town or his) …
This sounds ideal …
 
TimeFlies said:
FYI

This is no longer my thread.
Somehow, someone changed it, not me, and totally changed the context of my original question.
Click to expand...
We have a few moderators who feel the need to nanny even if the thread is off topic. Nobody is going to do a search on this thread like a technical question for a car.

Changing a the context of a thread (assuming it didn’t break forum rules), especially without notifying you, is a little strange.
 
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