emotional strength

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Tons and tons of good wisdom here - but the question that begs to be asked, (maybe it's here and I haven't read it yet), why does this lady friend think you stink at everything?

My guess would be she has some issues of her own and is projecting these issues on you. In my humble opinion, you have two choices.

1. Discover the issue. This is through open and honest dialoge. Relationships are about being vunerable. How vunerable are you willing to be and how vunerable is she willing to be? Once she discoveres and believes you are not the enemy or the one to blame, the relationship will improve. Don't be afraid to be honest. Refuse to argue, (arguments accomplish nothing). Be open to discussion. Don't try to be everything she wants you to be, (you won't be happy). Be yourself. That's choice one.

2. Choice two, find another girl. Call it quits with current girl and then start looking around. Avoid the same kind of relationship and the same situation otherwise you'll end up with the same deal. Remember the age old definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Something brought the two of you together. Something has kept the two of you together. I would try option one first - at least for a while.
 
Originally Posted By: cb_13
There are times when you just have to work on yourself. Find your own self value. That is where I am at now and it is certainly helping me. I recently lost a girl I had been with for over 2 years. I was dealing with depression issues while she was having problems of her own. Neither one of us was in a position to help the other. I reacted by isolating myself and hating the world. She tried to drink her problems away at the bar. I gave her an ultimatum (which is never a good idea)of me or the bar. She said she could not deal with my problems anymore, left and started dating a guy she met at the bar a week later. Hurt does not even begin to describe how I felt. I have been contacting lots of old friends just to catch up and focusing more on my relationship with god. I can not change her mind but I can and will be a better person because of this. Whether she comes back or I find someone new I will have my head on straight this time. I don't know if any of my experiences help you but I hope they can in some way.


Same thing here. Was with a girl for 2 years and she had a drug problem. This was about 10 years ago. Gave her the ultimatum. She chose drugs.
Found out from her sister a year ago that she died of an overdose. Dead at 38. Very sad situation.
Peaks and valleys my friend. Takes those to know the difference from the good and bad times.
 
Self sacrifice in a broad sense, IS NOT a GOOD thing. Read some Ayn Rand and you'll come to a better understanding of why I say that it just what it means to live a MORAL, SELFISH life.
 
Originally Posted By: andrewg
Self sacrifice in a broad sense, IS NOT a GOOD thing. Read some Ayn Rand and you'll come to a better understanding of why I say that it just what it means to live a MORAL, SELFISH life.


I disagree ENTIRELY. Self sacrifice is the ultimate thing any human should strive for. It's kind of the entire point of the world's largest religion (even though most who follow it don't get the point) HOWEVER, it can't be done until selfishness is taken care of. Once you have what you need to sustain yourself, you should strive to help others and especially help others to help themselves. That's kind of the way I see it.
 
Originally Posted By: Drew99GT
I disagree ENTIRELY. Self sacrifice is the ultimate thing any human should strive for. It's kind of the entire point of the world's largest religion (even though most who follow it don't get the point) HOWEVER, it can't be done until selfishness is taken care of. Once you have what you need to sustain yourself, you should strive to help others and especially help others to help themselves. That's kind of the way I see it.


A beautiful statement. It gives me hope for our kind when I hear this from others.

We were taught "service" in our family. If everyone doing well would help the folks who are around them the world would be a much better place...
 
Originally Posted By: andrewg
Self sacrifice in a broad sense, IS NOT a GOOD thing. Read some Ayn Rand and you'll come to a better understanding of why I say that it just what it means to live a MORAL, SELFISH life.


I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that, but if I do understand it correctly (and I'm not sure that I do) I have to agree with Drew99GT. Giving of one’s self to help others is one of the most noble things we can do. Sacrificing things in your own life in order to help others is an investment in yourself that will be paid back tenfold.

Call it karma, give it a spiritual label, it makes no difference. The inner peace (that goes hand in hand with emotional strength) gained by giving of one's self is very real, very valuable, and very important to emotional well being.
 
I'm not an expert on Rand but the idea is that self interest makes you strive to do better and improve your own lot. By making yourself better off, you make others better off, even if you didn't intend for it to happen.

A person might start a business to make that evil profit stuff, but in the process he is creating jobs for others and providing goods and services that society wants. At the same time he is staying off of welfare roles and not being a drag on society.

The net effect of this on society is a far greater positive than any amount of "sacrifice" will bring, all due to self interest.
 
For me to fully explain what my post actually meant....and to describe also in detail just WHY I posted it, would entail far too lengthy of a post that I would undoubtedly muck up. To understand and grasp Rand's philosophy is not something that can be easily explained without a good, lengthy explanation....and equally important....a willing and able mind that is not afraid to realize realities not popular in our culture. It also involves a level of rationality not always common or easy to achieve. To expand the mind and be objective is not easy nor is it without risk from peers.....as exhibited here. It's something one should at least examine on it's own merits.
 
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Be yourself and be true to yourself.
Know yourself.
You are who you are.
Accept that and work with it.
There is an ideal mate for you, as well as some who are just toxic.
Women will be attracted to you, just as they are to all of us.
Select that one with whom you feel comfortable just being you.
There is a mate for you.
You just haven't run across her yet.
You will.
 
If anyone is interested in one of Ayn Rand's teachings on why the sacrifice of self is NOT a good thing, here is a link that describes one of her books called "The Virtue of Selfishness". http://www.aynrand.org/site/PageServer?pagename=objectivism_nonfiction_the_virtue_of_selfishnessHere is a paragraph or two taken from this site describing the book: "Throughout history, man has been offered the following alternative: be “moral” through a life of sacrifice to others—or be “selfish” through a life of sacrificing others to oneself. In The Virtue of Selfishness, Ayn Rand blasts this as a false alternative, holding that a selfish, non-sacrificial way of life is both possible and necessary for man.

The Virtue of Selfishness is a collection of essays presenting Ayn Rand’s radical moral code of rational selfishness and its opposition to the prevailing morality of altruism—i.e., to the duty to sacrifice for the sake of others."
 
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Sorry, I'm not even going to listen or read one word of Ayn Rand. It's OK to be selfish for your own prosperity, but to then take it to a level where the pursuit of helping others in need is completely ignored, is a dangerous philosophy. I get no greater satisfaction in life than helping someone who needs it. This is why are society is so screwed up now. The pursuit of selfishness at all costs has completely denigrated society. It's obvious in the professional workspace or just going to the grocery store. It's all about me me me me me me me, and everyone else can go to [censored].

This is the reason many incredibly wealthy people who have it all, are depressed. It doesn't matter what outlet you pursue, if you volunteer or do something that interests you, that also helps people, it's the best form of satisfaction.

The teachings of Ayn Rand go against all modern religions, of which the basic principle is, man can not and should not become a god over other men. When you take pure selfishness to it's logical outcome, it leads to men trying to dominate other men. Social Darwinism if you will. The rejection of a higher power. That is the antitheses of freedom.
 
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Like yourself. If you can't like yourself now, become the person you can like.

Do not let anyone else define you. Most people who mistreat others have serious problems of self esteem. These people can only raise themselves by putting others down.

I think just about everyone who has ever lived has had periods of self doubt.

If you do the right thing and treat others fairly, there is no need to worry.

Believe me, this too shall pass.
 
Originally Posted By: Drew99GT
Sorry, I'm not even going to listen or read one word of Ayn Rand. It's OK to be selfish for your own prosperity, but to then take it to a level where the pursuit of helping others in need is completely ignored, is a dangerous philosophy. I get no greater satisfaction in life than helping someone who needs it. This is why are society is so screwed up now. The pursuit of selfishness at all costs has completely denigrated society. It's obvious in the professional workspace or just going to the grocery store. It's all about me me me me me me me, and everyone else can go to [censored].

This is the reason many incredibly wealthy people who have it all, are depressed. It doesn't matter what outlet you pursue, if you volunteer or do something that interests you, that also helps people, it's the best form of satisfaction.

The teachings of Ayn Rand go against all modern religions, of which the basic principle is, man can not and should not become a god over other men. When you take pure selfishness to it's logical outcome, it leads to men trying to dominate other men. Social Darwinism if you will. The rejection of a higher power. That is the antitheses of freedom.

I respect your opinion but from what you've posted, it's pretty obvious that you've misinterpreted her philosophy and have even added to it in a way that is purely supporting of your own argument. Rand does not reject per se giving to other people. She does not reject all forms of charity. Here is a quote from Rand: "There is nothing wrong in helping other people, if and when they are WORTHY of help and YOU can afford to help them".

On sacrifice she states: “Sacrifice” is the surrender of a greater value for the sake of a lesser one or of a nonvalue. Thus, altruism gauges a man’s virtue by the degree to which he surrenders, renounces or betrays his values (since help to a stranger or an enemy is regarded as more virtuous, less “selfish,” than help to those one loves). The rational principle of conduct is the exact opposite: always act in accordance with the hierarchy of your values, and never sacrifice a greater value to a lesser one".

And on REAL freedom (including the limits religion places upon it) : "Since knowledge, thinking, and rational action are properties of the individual, since the choice to exercise his rational faculty or not depends on the individual, man’s survival requires that those who think be free of the interference of those who don’t. Since men are neither omniscient nor infallible, they must be free to agree or disagree, to cooperate or to pursue their own independent course, each according to his own rational judgment. Freedom is the fundamental requirement of man’s mind.
A rational mind does not work under compulsion; it does not subordinate its grasp of reality to anyone’s orders, directives, or controls; it does not sacrifice its knowledge, its view of the truth, to anyone’s opinions, threats, wishes, plans, or “welfare.” Such a mind may be hampered by others, it may be silenced, proscribed, imprisoned, or destroyed; it cannot be forced; a gun is not an argument.
It is from the work and the inviolate integrity of such minds—from the intransigent innovators—that all of mankind’s knowledge and achievements have come. It is to such minds that mankind owes its survival."

And her quote here examines/explains why the use of the word "selfishness" causes so much dismay and is taken completely wrong: "The meaning ascribed in popular usage to the word “selfishness” is not merely wrong: it represents a devastating intellectual “package-deal,” which is responsible, more than any other single factor, for the arrested moral development of mankind.
In popular usage, the word “selfishness” is a synonym of evil; the image it conjures is of a murderous brute who tramples over piles of corpses to achieve his own ends, who cares for no living being and pursues nothing but the gratification of the mindless whims of any immediate moment.
Yet the exact meaning and dictionary definition of the word “selfishness” is: concern with one’s own interests.
This concept does not include a moral evaluation; it does not tell us whether concern with one’s own interests is good or evil; nor does it tell us what constitutes man’s actual interests. It is the task of ethics to answer such questions."

I certainly did not intend to hijack this thread and head down a road leading to conclude that Objectivism and Ayn Rand is the answer to the OP's question. But when he mentioned "emotional strength" and the word "self-sacrifice" I thought a different response than the status-quo may be helpful. Ayn Rand is/was a controversial figure for many, but certainly worthy of a closer look. While you summarily dismissed her, at the same time you seem to not have grasped her concepts and philosophy. I feel a need to state this so others will not do the same and can come to their own conclusions after proper study (if interested). After all, nothing is easy that has value.
 
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