Originally Posted by callbay
Best read on having a spouse that is a narcissist I have ever read.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...710/the-survival-guide-living-narcissist
My question is what are you experiences with living with one, or having one in the family, or even friends that are one? Do you have any advise for people that live with a narcissist?
Thanks a lot!
I think my stepfather has a lot of those qualities. I also think that every person has SOME traits from most disorders in the DSM, but my opinion is that unless those traits cause issiues in one's daily life, they are not of significant difficulty to warrant being used as a defining characteristic. Since these traits did cause my stepfather difficulty, I believe it safe to say he was once.
Examples:
-I and my father were blamed by him when our stepson/stepfather relationship turned poorly...nevermind that he treated my mother and I very differently after their marriage.
-He always would complain about how incompetent all of his co-workers were. He was fired from multiple jobs, and my friend's father worked with him on a limited basis. He was a well-grounded and successful person and good father. When I asked him about my stepfather, he politely concluded that the interaction had been poor and he was disappointed.
-He maxed out my mother's (excellent) credit, accruing over $50K in CC debt shortly after they married. He carried lots of debt from THREE prior marriages...all of which failed because of circumstances or the other person, per him, mind you...
-Back when I was a church-going kid, he was tasked with providing the children's story. He concocted an elaborate story with a plot far beyond what the typical age-group that was the target audience could grasp, and spent an inordinate amount of time telling said story. He was never asked again to, and I believe I recall him blaming others for his "story time" being a failure. Never once did he examine why so many others managed to pull off the daunting task of telling a church-appropriate short story that could captivate a 5-10 year old for half a dozen minutes and end with a simple but straight-forward positive note/moral/sentiment.
I realized that he was the problem, after his second job where he was let go while all of his "incompetent co-workers" somehow remained employed...I asked some very pointed questions for a 10 year old. My mother artfully dodged them with silence, which was an answer, itself. I truly believe that he felt in his heart of hearts that all of his co-workers WERE incompetent compared to himself, regardless of his continued poor performances and repeated firings which ultimately led to him being blacklisted in their area in the IT community.
There are of course other things, but in short conclusion, I would say that aside from the psych cases I deal with, he is likely the most narcissistic (everything is on a spectrum) person I've had close dealings with. I moved out of their house when I was 13, and lived with my grandparents, where by and large, I raised myself. He moved in with us due to life circumstances (moved 700mi to do so), and then shortly bought a house (well...family bought one for him...), and expected me to move back in. Legal proceedings took place, and I stayed where I was. Moving out was a very positive point in my life.
