Discussion on housing as we age (video)

[Pablo]

I think that when you start dealing with a strong willed elderly parent, you start to get a new perspective on what you don't want to do.

Bingo

Close to I didn’t want to be a dad like my dad parented

 

[andrew_j]

My parents live in a 1783 built home. Uneven floors (chimney in center sinking slowly ) . Narrow near ladder staircases and narrow doors. Lastly it’s a sort of insulated barn at best .freezing in winter and hot in summer .

Stairs for dad overcome with $3000 electric chair lift.

Worst house possible for older people or really anyone.

They won’t leave .

 

[slo town]

I think that when you start dealing with a strong willed elderly parent, you start to get a new perspective on what you don't want to do.

Strong willed can be a good thing. Until the last 4 or 5 months of his life my Dad lived on his own. My Dad was an outside salesman in the building supply business. He wore nice suits and drive fancy cars - all part of his job.

At age 88 his mind was as quick and sharp as most 40 years olds. On top of that he remained an exceptionally handsome man. His old age problem was his heart. He was on cardiac medications to treat his condition.

Eventually he moved in with Sue and me. We set up a private room for him with a bed, a nice sitting area with his favorite chair, and a high def large screen television.

After 2 or 3 months living with us he called Sue and me in into his room. He thanked up profusely for our willingness to care for him but said, "This isn't living". Then he looked at Sue (who was an RN) and asked her "What can I do about this?". Sue stammered for a moment or two before saying "Well, I'm not sure what you're asking but if you don't take your heart medication you won't last long." He cheerfully replied "Thanks! That's all I need to know."

He died two months later. It was the bravest thing I've seen anyone do.

I hope I'm as fortunate - and courageous - as he was.

Scott

 

[ATex7239]

I wish my parents and in-laws did what Boomer did. People feel healthy, hopefully, at 65, and don't think of themselves at 85. My in-laws put a deposit down on a very nice 55+ house 15 years ago, but backed out for weak reasons. They now have one bathroom which is upstairs. They have trouble with stairs. They have a bathtub and haven't showered in years because it's too dangerous. They use shower wipes. They have no driveway so their car is snowed in for long periods. My wife and I now need to deal with their stubbornness as their health is fading. I suggested that they move in with my wife and me, but that was met with a lot of pushback from my wife and mother in law. My mother in law is very opinionated and negative. They rely on my wife for a lot and it's stressing my wife out and affecting her mental health.

This seems to be the situation I hear about most often. The parents don’t want to lose their sense of independence yet they end up need a lot of help as time goes on. And sometimes they are unwilling to accept the burden this idea of independence places on others. Or the accept it but they just don’t care. The strain can ruin families and relationships. Sometimes there’s even this notion from the parents of “well, I raised you and took care of you as a child, so now you owe this to me” which is toxic and frankly very immature. I couldn’t imagine ever telling my adult children that they owed me for being their parent. People do it though .

 

[rijndael]

The parents don’t want to lose their sense of independence yet they end up need a lot of help as time goes on. And sometimes they are unwilling to accept the burden this idea of independence places on others.

"Just leave me be, I'll be fine"

 

[GON]

Just out of curiosity after watching a few minutes - his mom is under 80, HOW OLD IS THIS GUY?

He states in the video his parents married very young. IIRC, parents are in Oklahoma.

 

[Pablo]

He states in the video his parents married very young. IIRC, parents are in Oklahoma.

Looks like he had a pretty rough time of life plus crap diet and no exercise if he only in his 60's. Maybe some underlying other health issues. I'm thinking he should be downsizing in just a few years max.

I'm shooting for selling the works in 5-7 years, give or take. Somewhere near the beach, stores and younger women.

 

[AZjeff]

Somewhere near the beach, stores and younger women.

Optimistic old codger.

 

[Boomer]

AZjeff, we live in a Presbyterian Senior Life community in PA.