Discussion on housing as we age (video)

[GON]

Thought this video was a worthwhile watch.

"I’m not worried about getting older. I’m more concerned about waiting until I don’t have options anymore."

Theme of the video is can we stay in a rural home as we get older. Are the doors wide enough for a walker? Does the home have a shower instead of a tub? Are there any options that match and are affordable in the area if one can't keep living in their rural home. Do you have a plan if one gets dementia, especially if one finds themself single. Is there a backup plan for the plan?

 

[97prizm]

Interesting. My parents are already looking for a single story ranch. Alot of people don't think about this if they moved into a house when they were young.

 

[demarpaint]

Everything on one floor seems to be the concern of most people as they age. I remember my parents when they moved to a senior community wanted to be upstairs, so they didn't hear noise above them, or have headlights lighting up their condo every time someone parked outside, they were in their early 70's. Fifteen years later they were looking to move to the ground level, and ended up with a chair lift, which got little use until the very end. Dementia care put simply, requires a lot of money for care, or putting yourself into a poverty level at least five years before care is needed.

 

[Oldwolf]

I do think it is wise to look ahead 10 years or so.

 

[Arc]

The bigger the house the emptier it feels when the kids all grow up, move away and are to busy to visit. My wife and I regret not selling and building a smaller home for retirement. You still need a big garage though. That I don't regret

 

[wander2039]

That's my thought process behind the new house. It's only going to be one story, no basement. The only stairs will be the porches. One grandma lived till her 90's, both grandpa's passed at 82 so my timeline is very uncertain. Unfortunately if you go by my wife's family none made it past mid-70's. My plan is at a certain age to move into a senior living-apartments. My family tends to be hermits and being by yourself and no interactions I don't think is good and I want to force myself not to be that way!

 

[Boomer]

Exactly we we sold up and moved to independent living in a retirement community. The money from the sale was invested and pays a very nice income for us. We can move on when needed to assisted living and then to a hospital unit, both on site. We have a 1750 sq ft dwelling here, the grass is mowed and the snow shoveled for us, the windows are washed every spring and the unit is sprayed outside for insects each year. Even the gutters are cleaned annually. If we need maintenance, we call them and they come over and fix what needs fixing at no charge. I have a garage and a generous yard. Everything is on one level.

Financially, we no longer pay property taxes which were over $5500 when we moved and are now closer to $7000, no property insurance , just renters insurance on our contents, no lawn care and snow removal costs which were about $3000/year, no contract to maintain the geothermal unit we had, no home maintenance bills. What we are not paying pays for 6-7 months of fees here. We have free ambulance service to the local hospital and if we need to come out of the hospital and have a supervised recuperative period, we each get two free weeks each year in the hospital unit with nursing care and therapy.

We downsized heavily to move here so that is done. Our son and DIL work long hours and are raising two boys. There is no way they could take care of us where we lived if we fell ill or had a major health change. Here, we come and go as we please, have dining facilities, a workout room and lots of walking trails as we are in a huge forested area. I am 78 with some health issues and this place is a wonderful living experience for us. Our son does not have to worry about us on a daily basis and we are only 25 miles away so travel back and forth is a breeze.

 

[ATex7239]

I don’t understand the desire to move out into the country as you get older. Tending to the property becomes more difficult as you age, you don’t have the same access to healthcare you would in a more populated area, and you might be moving further away from your children and grandchildren. Increasing my house work responsibilities, having less access to good healthcare, and being further away from my offspring sounds like the exact opposite of what I want to do when I get older or retire.

 

[AZjeff]

My parents lived in Pa the country in an old farm house and their plan was to die in their sleep when they couldn't take care of the place. Didn't work out and they were forced to move into town to a small ranch that had steps to get in so another poor decision. Dad declined faster and mom was determined to car for him at home. They weren't happy in their final years. We learned from watching their journey.

We're in a newer house we can age in place in, attached garage, 1/2 step into the house, walk out back door, low maintenance exterior and landscaping. Love the climate. Low cost HOA *GASP* that doesn't bother us a bit. Okay health care. Lots of senior living options. Only question mark is what will water availability be like in 10,20 years. I don't want to be 80 having to move someplace far away so we're talking.

Very VERY few people are proactive with their living situation later in life. We want what's familiar and comfortable right now.

 

[PontiacHO]

Do your children a huge favor. Move in to a retirement community-assisted living so they don’t have to make that decision for you. It’s historic that old folks get to a point they’re not capable of making good decisions and the move then becomes an awful situation. It can ruin relationships and creates a hardship on the children’s families that now have to become caregivers when they are most likely still trying to have a career, raising children, and maintaining a marriage. The strain that this lack of planning causes is taxing. I’ve lived it.

 

[ATex7239]

Do your children a huge favor. Move in to a retirement community-assisted living so they don’t have to make that decision for you. It’s historic that old folks get to a point they’re not capable of making good decisions and the move then becomes an awful situation. It can ruin relationships and creates a hardship on the children’s families that now have to become caregivers when they are most likely still trying to have a career, raising children, and maintaining a marriage. The strain that this lack of planning causes is taxing. I’ve lived it.

I fear we’re about to go through it with my mother. She has an older home which has over time fallen into disrepair because she cannot take care of it herself and she cannot afford to pay others to do it for her. We live too far away to help. We are trying to get her to move in with us or to move into a small condo closer to us (very much preferably) to make her life less burdensome and she’s preoccupied with keeping the house and all her stuff. She keeps asking questions like what am I gonna do about this table? What am I gonna do about this lamp? I don’t really have a good answer for her. Sell it. Donate it. Burn it. I don’t care. She’s accumulated a lifetime of stuff and an older home now she’s alone and can’t tend to it properly. The home is slowly becoming a burden. Not a blessing. I keep telling her you can’t eat a house and you can’t pay a bill with furniture. A more modest living situation and more cash in the bank/investments would be much better for her in the long run.

It’s funny really people sometimes amass stuff and land in the hopes that they will pass it down to their kids one day and in most situations that I’ve seen the kids want nothing to do with it. They sell off everything once their parents pass on and opt for the money. People sometimes push their own dreams onto their offspring and they often forget that these things may not be in their children’s plans.

 

[doitmyself]

Hmmm. We've lived an active semi-rural life for 5 decades (what others dream as retirement) and my wife insists that in retirement she does not want to be saddled down to home maintenance, etc..

Boomer's story is intriguing. I need to do a financial analysis of his situation vs. other options including home ownership. Comments welcome.

 

[Leo99]

I wish my parents and in-laws did what Boomer did. People feel healthy, hopefully, at 65, and don't think of themselves at 85. My in-laws put a deposit down on a very nice 55+ house 15 years ago, but backed out for weak reasons. They now have one bathroom which is upstairs. They have trouble with stairs. They have a bathtub and haven't showered in years because it's too dangerous. They use shower wipes. They have no driveway so their car is snowed in for long periods. My wife and I now need to deal with their stubbornness as their health is fading. I suggested that they move in with my wife and me, but that was met with a lot of pushback from my wife and mother in law. My mother in law is very opinionated and negative. They rely on my wife for a lot and it's stressing my wife out and affecting her mental health.

 

[55hambone]

After living in a Cape Cod style home with a basement for 25 years, we took a hard look at what was coming and built a new house to suit our future needs. Downsized, one floor, step in showers not tubs, 36" wide doors for bedrooms and bathrooms. We had plans to build a house that was 7 minutes from the boat ramp, but it was farther out and the only hospital was not impressive at all so we built next door to the existing house. My wife has problems getting around after her second hip replacement and this makes it much easier on her.

 

[Boomer]

We built an age in place house when we were in our early 60's thinking we could live there until we died. We left when we were 74 and 75 respectively. Why? Several reasons.

1. We both came down with the flu at the same time and realized that our son and DIL could never take care of us if we were permanently ill like this. They were four miles way but my son works 60 hours a week at his sales job and my DIL works full time at Penn State plus hauls around our two grandsons. So the age in place house would still require hiring people to help us.

2. Because of back surgery and CLL, I had to hire folks to do the lawn and snow removal. This was EXPENSIVE. Mulching, mowing, trimming, edging, etc. plus timely snow removal to avoid being fined by the township. $$$$$

3. We were still able to handle the physical part of downsizing. We set rules. Did we NEED it, WANT it or were just USED TO HAVING IT AROUND? Only things we kept were in the NEED category.

4. House was 14 years old when we left. Compressor for the geothermal unit might have gone 20-25 years but it was an upcoming major expense. Pressure washing the siding on the north side of the house and the porch area were becoming a semi-annual event. Point here is the upkeep expenses of a house. They are not trivial.

So now my son and DIL are freed from the worry of trying to take care of us long term, we are with a lot of very nice people our own age with whom we can do things on a regular basis, we no longer have to worry about upkeep, maintenance or outside work. It is like a burden has been taken off of our shoulders.

 

[ATex7239]

We built an age in place house when we were in our early 60's thinking we could live there until we died. We left when we were 74 and 75 respectively. Why? Several reasons.

1. We both came down with the flu at the same time and realized that our son and DIL could never take care of us if we were permanently ill like this. They were four miles way but my son works 60 hours a week at his sales job and my DIL works full time at Penn State plus hauls around our two grandsons. So the age in place house would still require hiring people to help us.

2. Because of back surgery and CLL, I had to hire folks to do the lawn and snow removal. This was EXPENSIVE. Mulching, mowing, trimming, edging, etc. plus timely snow removal to avoid being fined by the township. $$$$$

3. We were still able to handle the physical part of downsizing. We set rules. Did we NEED it, WANT it or were just USED TO HAVING IT AROUND? Only things we kept were in the NEED category.

4. House was 14 years old when we left. Compressor for the geothermal unit might have gone 20-25 years but it was an upcoming major expense. Pressure washing the siding on the north side of the house and the porch area were becoming a semi-annual event. Point here is the upkeep expenses of a house. They are not trivial.

So now my son and DIL are freed from the worry of trying to take care of us long term, we are with a lot of very nice people our own age with whom we can do things on a regular basis, we no longer have to worry about upkeep, maintenance or outside work. It is like a burden has been taken off of our shoulders.

It’s easy to be selfish. It’s hard to be selfless. You’re a good person and a good parent for thinking about not burdening your children and making sure your relationship was also not strained as a result.

 

[Pablo]

Just out of curiosity after watching a few minutes - his mom is under 80, HOW OLD IS THIS GUY?

 

[slo town]

I have explicit instructions with my family that should I become unable to take care of myself and/or don't even know my own name I will be put in some kind of end of life care or situation that will be terminal.

Scott

 

[AZjeff]

@Boomer you talked about the facility before but I forget the organization that owns/runs it. Could you enlighten us again?

 

[rijndael]

and a good parent for thinking about not burdening your children and making sure your relationship was also not strained as a result.

I think that when you start dealing with a strong willed elderly parent, you start to get a new perspective on what you don't want to do.