Did you have a REAL DAD, or a distant/absent biological donor?

[Nick1994]

I guess I have a real dad.

My parents divorced when I was a toddler. He was for the most part a good dad growing up, never mean to me. He could have stepped up a lot more though.

These days he struggles with mental illness. He won't admit it though. He's also 1,000% into the wildest conspiracy theories, so far that I've distanced myself from him. We talk about once a month and see each other once every few months. It is what it is. He's an adult and can live whatever life that he thinks makes him happy.

I will say though, my grandparents (his parents) were the two most amazing grandparents I could have ever asked for.

 

[02SE]

I also had the best mom and dad I could have ever asked for. I may not have always appreciated them like I should have, but eventually I grew up, and realized what I had. I'll spend the rest of my life appreciating how lucky I am to have had the parents I did, while trying to live up to their example.

I lost dad in July, and mom in August. Both after long illnesses.

 

[dlundblad]

My parents and I are very close. My dad and I aren’t very much alike aside from the sarcasm, but that is okay.

 

[Slick3914]

I’m fortunate to have a great Dad.

 

[wemay]

I count my lucky stars. Pop was the best.

 

[wpod]

Yesterday morning I woke up is a startle with the thought when I woke up was I have to call my dad . My dad passed away in 2008.

 

[Dave Sherman]

My dad's a real dad. Learned so much from him on all things mechanical, electrical and automotive. My older sister was from my mom's first marriage, and somehow I didn't realize until I was about 15 that he was her stepdad, but she always treated him like she was her dad. Certainly very grateful for everything I've learned from him.

 

[Brett776]

My dad’s been ok through the years. He and my mom divorced when I was 8 so he wasn’t a big part of my life. Like many, my mother was and still is a very difficult person to be around with a lot of anger. My dad avoided her like the plague after the divorce. My mom always talked bad about him and would criticize me for saying anything good about him. My dad paid child support and visited when he could. He was young and good looking and constantly chasing women so we really never bonded growing up. He didn’t miss major life events and tried his best he just had a hard time connecting with me.
Unlike my mother who can be downright cruel my dad’s never been mean to me. In the last few years he calls me nearly daily to check on me, comes and visits the grandkids and sends me bible quotes. He’s still emotionally distant even with the grand kids unless he’s been drinking (then he’s a big softie) but he tries. Bad father ? No, just in his own world. I’m grateful he’s been trying harder to connect these past few years (he’s 67) and that he never missed a child support payment. He constantly tells me how proud he is of me and my accomplishments. I wish we connected better but I won’t make that mistake with my two young sons.

 

[oilboy123]

Real dad, and mom.

They stayed married for life. My appreciation for my dad has gone up exponentially after reading all of this thread.
He taught me a lot, I'm a lot like him, and my grandfather I never really new very well. His biggest fault was his hot temper. He could turn to being pissed, then laughing 2 minutes later........

I'm very thankful for him. He had a pretty good life. He passed away in 2016.

 

[Triple_Se7en]

My dad bolted from wife and four of us kids, when I was around nine years old. Eventually the kids separated and lived amongst nearest and older siblings.

Last I recall of Dad was attaching four water bottle-bag canteens to his 1957 pickup's front bumper. He said he was driving from Detroit to San Francisco to see his brother and needed to pass thru a large desert.

Never saw the man again. Last seen in 1959. He died in a Frisco apartment fire in 1983. I think he lived for 75 years. My real mother passed from cancer in 1972 at the age of 63. She lived just long enough to see all of us get married.

I (the youngest) got married six months prior to Mom's death in Nov 1971. Mom now resides amongst those flying, two-winged friends and numerous family relatives that lived clean lives. My Dad probably still walks around darkness of the abyss these days with many, many regrets - still to be sorted out and resolved.

 

[John105]

Pretty sure my dad was my dad. But my bro had to go and dna test and found out he’s of races that I assume I am not. Why not let sleeping dogs lie is what I think. But I watched a ton of SVU and Law and Order. I’d conclude my only bro has a different dad.

 

[GON]

My dad’s been ok through the years. He and my mom divorced when I was 8 so he wasn’t a big part of my life. Like many, my mother was and still is a very difficult person to be around with a lot of anger. My dad avoided her like the plague after the divorce. My mom always talked bad about him and would criticize me for saying anything good about him. My dad paid child support and visited when he could. He was young and good looking and constantly chasing women so we really never bonded growing up. He didn’t miss major life events and tried his best he just had a hard time connecting with me.
Unlike my mother who can be downright cruel my dad’s never been mean to me. In the last few years he calls me nearly daily to check on me, comes and visits the grandkids and sends me bible quotes. He’s still emotionally distant even with the grand kids unless he’s been drinking (then he’s a big softie) but he tries. Bad father ? No, just in his own world. I’m grateful he’s been trying harder to connect these past few years (he’s 67) and that he never missed a child support payment. He constantly tells me how proud he is of me and my accomplishments. I wish we connected better but I won’t make that mistake with my two young sons.

Brett, thanks for sharing your story. It is uplifting to hear how your Dad is putting forth the effort to be closer to you. Egos can make that difficult for many people.

Not directly relevant to your story, but last night my Wife and I saw The Blind, the story of The Robertson family. Enjoyable movie, but the middle was pretty painful.

 

[Yah-Tah-Hey]

Except for being gone in WWII, my dad was home every evening while I was growing up. He was always there.

 

[Donald]

I had a real Dad. Taught me a lot about so many things. I do miss him.

 

[Dean]

My father and mother were married for 52 years until he passed in 2007. My wife was adopted, though.

 

[Sedin26]

I am lucky to have a wonderful dad. He has always been around and involved, highly supportive. I don’t ever recall him not being there when needed for anything, big or small.
My mom is the same, as were my grandparents.

My wife, on the other hand, has a dad who lives an hour from us and I have met him once over 20 years. He left early in her life and simply isn’t capable of being a dad.

 

[Ws6]

In my instance, it was the latter. Mom says he skipped town without warning when I was maybe 2 years old. I have zero home memories of him. We finally talked about it maybe 15 years ago before she passed. Just said he never came home one day from work. Couple weeks later, she got a letter from Las Vegas. Oh by the way, I moved here. Would you and the boys care to join me? ***? She declined and stayed in Iowa. I never knew that, until we had "the talk" I was probably 50+ years old at the time.

I was maybe a first grader and got a call from my Grandma one day. Said she was coming to get me and take me to her house. Got inside and a strange man there. said Mark, this is your Dad. He was nice, and I give him that. But I was young and shy. He took me down to his Brother's bar he owned in town and bought me a root beer. Then they took me in the back pool room and flipped on the lights. My first new bike! Took a few falls on that! LOL

A few years later, he came back again. Met at Grandma's and took me for a ride. Gave me 10 silver dollars from Vegas. Still have them today, My only memories of him. Wish I could have known him better, but I was a kid and really shy.

Fast forward: I lived with a single Mom until age 7. She remarried then, and I HATED a strange man living in our house! Took me several years to adjust.
Best choice Mom ever made! They went on and had 2 children together. We are now a big happy family together.

I have a real father, but my stepfather, well, the only use I ever had for him was his death certificate.

 

[vavavroom]

Real dad and mom. They got married after Dad finished medical school. They had my brother and then me. Mom was a history teacher and anthropologist. My dad's carreer meant we were living abroad on and off throughout our teens. My brother and I were well cared for but we were also given a large amount of freedom in pursuing our interests and we were certainly latchkey kids in the late '80s. We spent a lot of time with my grandpa who was a polymath and man of many talents. He taught us fishing, hunting, outdoor skills, and he introduced us to his vast library which now that he's gone is in my possession. My grandfather, a former foreign service officer who spent years in Cuba, was a bit of a mad scientist, building things and conducting chemical experiments into his 90s. There wasn't a tool he didn't know how to use.
From my dad I learned attention to detail and how to think out of the box. From my mother I got my sense of curiosity and the need to explore. The squirrels got grandpa in his late '90s but my parents are doing well and approaching their mid-70s. My brother and his wife have two young boys, I have one son who's 23 and out of the house.

 

[KrisZ]

The sad part is that kids often only hear one side of the story, mother’s side, and women can be extremely vindictive. So kids grow up thinking their father was bad and it was all his fault and end up hating him until he dies.

It is uplifting to hear some people re-connected with their father and he turned out to be an OK guy.

 

[2002 Maxima SE]

I had a "real dad". Worked at his shop 9-5, came home, and took vacation with the family once a year. That's about it. His free time was spent with his friends.

He kept his family relationships mostly to himself (he'd call them from his store and we only visited them once or twice when I was younger). My mom later had a spat with his parents and they were cut off, so I didn't see my grand parents for over a decade until I was out of college and reconnected, mom didn't like that. My grandparents were nice people, my mom is highly anti social.

Dad mostly stayed in touch with visits and via emails and phone calls. After my kids got to middle school age he became disinterested and we haven't heard from him in a few years