Did you have a REAL DAD, or a distant/absent biological donor?

Joined
Oct 10, 2021
Messages
1,908
Location
Iowa
In my instance, it was the latter. Mom says he skipped town without warning when I was maybe 2 years old. I have zero home memories of him. We finally talked about it maybe 15 years ago before she passed. Just said he never came home one day from work. Couple weeks later, she got a letter from Las Vegas. Oh by the way, I moved here. Would you and the boys care to join me? ***? She declined and stayed in Iowa. I never knew that, until we had "the talk" I was probably 50+ years old at the time.

I was maybe a first grader and got a call from my Grandma one day. Said she was coming to get me and take me to her house. Got inside and a strange man there. said Mark, this is your Dad. He was nice, and I give him that. But I was young and shy. He took me down to his Brother's bar he owned in town and bought me a root beer. Then they took me in the back pool room and flipped on the lights. My first new bike! Took a few falls on that! LOL

A few years later, he came back again. Met at Grandma's and took me for a ride. Gave me 10 silver dollars from Vegas. Still have them today, My only memories of him. Wish I could have known him better, but I was a kid and really shy.

Fast forward: I lived with a single Mom until age 7. She remarried then, and I HATED a strange man living in our house! Took me several years to adjust.
Best choice Mom ever made! They went on and had 2 children together. We are now a big happy family together.
 
I'm sorry your father did that to you and your Mother. It is wrong on so many levels.

Because you asked, my Dad is a fantastic man. He taught me many things, including hard work, honesty, character, humility, generosity, etc. He taught all of this through example.
 
I'm sorry your father did that to you. It is wrong on so many levels.

Because you asked, my Dad is a fantastic man. He taught me many things, including hard work, honesty, character, humility, generosity, etc. He taught all of this through example.
Exactly! I have tried my best to instill that into my own children!

He is gone, done deal. But he robbed me of that side of my family! They split up with my Mom when he left. so I barely know them. That hurts the worst. I have first Cousins that I have never even met.
 
Your title says did you have a read dad or a sperm donor then you say only those in the same situation. Not the place for this conversation IMO.

I had a real dad since you did ask first.
Sorry for any offence. None intended.
 
I had a "real dad", as did my wife. Both fine examples of fatherhood.

Our daughter's husband (fantastic young man) came from a divorced home; his biological dad skipped out on the family early on in their lives. His mom remarried a great guy who's still in their lives today, and the boys consider him a very influential figure in their lives.

I believe a "father" is incredibly important to kids, but not a "necessity" that he be the biological contributor. Far more important are the things that wwillson mentioned. Not that single parent can't achive a great upbringing for his/her kids, as there are many success stories therein, but it has to be more challenging.

Biological dads can be good or bad.
Step-dads can be good or bad.
I doubt there's any real causation that can be proven, given all the variability of inputs.

The reality is that raising a kid/s is hard, especially in today's world. The succss of that "fatherhood" depends much more on the nature and committment of the parent than does it rely on the dna contribution.
 
Last edited:
I had a "real dad", as did my wife. Both fine examples of fatherhood.

Our daughter's husband (fantasitic young man) came from a divorced home; his biological dad skipped out on the family early on in their lives. His mom remarried a great guy who's still in there lives today, and the boys consider him a very influential figure in their lives.

I believe a "father" is incredibly important to kids, but not always a "necessity" that he be the biological contributor. Far more important are the things that wwillson mentioned. Not that single parent can't achive a great upbringing for his/her kids, as there are many success stories therein, but it has to be more challenging.
I got a winner for a step-dad and thanks! Greatest man I have ever known! Loves me like his own, we just talked tonight. He is 94 now, so hard on the phone! LOL

If this thread stirs up too much crap, just delete it! it was never intended that way. Guess I just needed to vent with my friends, of which I consider you all.
 
My Best Friends Husband's Father did something...Similar... but with a twist...
(of course I'm changing names)

he, lets call him Joe, married, had 3 boys with his wife.
One Day, Joe didn't come home from work.
a few days later, his Wife, lets call her Karla, found out their bank account had been emptied the day Joe Disappeared...
she carried on, Raising 3 boys on her own.

about 5-10 years down the road, there's a knock on the door. Joe is back...but he's not Joe anymore...now She's Josephine...
I Obviously don't know all the Details, only hearing bits and pieces third-hand... but, they ended up reconciling for a while, living and raising the kids together..
after the youngest finished school, Josephine changed jobs, became a Truck Driver, and moved out. She got a place about an hour away... AFAIK... they're still married...
 
Who ever changed the title of my thread....Thanks! Your words are better than mine. LOL
 
My dad was an okay father, but he distributed a certain not okay powdery white substance (but not enough, apparently) for a Colombian "organization" in the early 90s. We ended up playing an adult version of hide and go seek with that organization under the guise of a "family vacation" that lasted my entire summer vacation between kindergarten and first grade. I even played checkers with one of the two friendly tanned-looking fellas that eventually found us at a cabin way back in the woods of West Virginia. They weren't there to play checkers, obviously.

It's all funny stories now. My grandfather was a wonderful dad, so it worked out fine.
 
I have a real father, and I am a real father. Your real father is the one that raised you. Shaquille O'Neal has a recent documentary. I am not a sports guy but it was very well done. He attributes much of his success to his adoptive father.
 
I have a real father, and I am a real father. Your real father is the one that raised you. Shaquille O'Neal has a recent documentary. I am not a sports guy but it was very well done. He attributes much of his success to his adoptive father.

That Shaquille O'neal documentary was fantastic, my Dad is not into sports but he and I watched it, it was very well done.
 
My father was always there and have great memories with him. He was creative and passive aggressive. He wouldn't yell at you, but he had this blank stare that would burn a hole through and make you feel 2" tall. We had our disagreements, but our relationship was mostly good. He died in 2011.
 
i was adopted at 6 months old. before dying, my adoptive mother found my biological mother. in 2018. my adoptive mother who is my real and only mother died in 2020. i spoke with my biological mother and asked her questions. i still have my adoptive father, my real father. he is 87 years old and in much better shape than me. my biological father was some dude from ontario that worked at the gold mines in timmins ontario. i have never met him and have no idea if he is alive and i don't care much. the only parents that mattered are those who took care of me from 6 months old. this is my real and only family.
 
Had a great Dad...alas suicided in 2013...used to think that one of his best days was when he worked out that the wheelbarrow handle was closer to the ground than my hand, and thus that he had free labour. His last words to me were "how did you get so clever"...all the lessons (There's not much I won't tackle)
When we were in our teens, he moved out for a while, and we alienated him, thinking we were supporting our wronged mother. They reconciled, and got back together.

I'm the sperm donor...have heard that is now my status...
 
I have a real father, my wife did too; successful marriages and no divorces. All four of our parents had real parents that stayed together.

I travel a decent amount, usually a day or two per week. Makes me sad to miss small moments, even though weeknights are busy and more eating and bedtime prep than anything else. But I never want to give the optic of not being there. Thank goodness for FaceTime. We do everything together and are fully supportive of our kids at all times. No such thing as a “date night” to get away from the kids in our house. We want to spend every minute we can with them.
 
My father never abandoned the family. but worked far too many hours. He was paranoid fearful of debt and was "saving" to buy a house in a better neighborhood without a mortgage. House prices were going up faster than he could save. So we were living in a sketchy low rent area for most of my youth. I got mugged at age 7.

Because he worked so many hours, he would spend his few hours at home sleeping. We never went on vacations or trips. He neglected his health, never saw doctors.

All that work resulted in heart and circulation issues, and he died of a massive stroke at age 72. His less uptight brother made it to 89, and his sister to 99.
 
Back
Top