Can I tell you guys a story?

I know Al, and I appreciate it.
I just refuse to join in the trend of disposable relationships. If she wants a divorce, she can have one, and I'll still try to help her if she needs it; but for now that's apparently not coming. That might change tomorrow, but for today, I'll wait.
 
Wait, I'm still trying to understand where this happened. Are you in Japan right now, is that where you were arrested? Or was this in the States?

I wish you all the best. I don't really know what to tell you. I understand you love her dearly, but maybe you need help? I'm not saying it sarcastically or hurtfully, but maybe you need to talk to a regular counselor that is unfamiliar to your situation. She doesn't sound like she loves you nearly as much as you love her, or she wouldn't show up to your place with cops.

Take care.
 
My God MarkC,
Is everything in your relationship up to your wife? She decides whether or not you stay married? She decides whether or not to treat you without abuse? And you say that you will help her even AFTER a divorce? Good Lord Mark, I don't honestly believe that I've ever seen a guy lay himself down to be a doormat as readily as you do. I'm not trying to be rude but you need to get a pair my friend. Why can't you accept that this woman is poison? Move on, but next time have an EQUAL relationship as a goal.
 
I'd say dump her before she kills you. No offense, but I'm serious. Get her on Lithium or Paxil or something. Next time she goes off, tell her to straighten or you're leaving, then do it. (She won't be able to, so then you can leave with hopefully a clear conscience and dump the guilt on her.)
Plan B: Tell her to get a hotel room for one week a month. Does this behavior cost her jobs, or does she just freak out on you?
 
This happened in Washington.
This problem has cost her friendships and caused problems at jobs for her.
Basil, she decides whether she wants to stay married. I decide whether I want to, and I decide yes.
And if she wants a divorce I will help make things as easy as I can.
Doug, she came to the apartment with the cops a few weeks ago because if she had come without them it would be a violation of the court order. She wanted to get her piano, and see how I was, but she's afraid of doing anything to get me into trouble.
 
Pab, what, you want to see if she looks like your wife?
smile.gif


MarkC, lets say it was the other way around, where she was arrested, etc. And you got order to stay away from her, etc, would you?

I really think you need someone better. You've done more than your share of being a good husband. Theres no need to take this crap. (easier said than done,) but get away from her, move on. Regardless how much you love her, she doesn't love you. You don't do that to someone you love.
 
Yes, if the situation was reversed, I wouldn't obey any order from anywhere to stay away from her, unless she wanted me to. I think she's afraid, they've told her that even if she wants to contact me, I'll be in trouble.
We did manage to keep each other informed about things for a while, but it became touchy and she stopped.
 
Mark,I don't know what your wife is thinking but if she wants this marriage to work she would be making an effort of some kind.

If she wants to see you,you could meet at a mall,restaurant etc.Even out of your town if need be.

It sound as if she has got you right where she wants you.

Also,if she truly loved you,she would try to find out why she is having these 'supposed ' occasional outbursts.

It sounds to me as if she is using this as an excuse to do just what she is doing.

I don't want to get something started or offend anyone but is it possible she married you to stay in the US?

You said that you had a lot of trouble with INS,something evidently didn't click with them.

While I think a person should do their best try to keep a marriage together,it takes TWO to do so.Both individuals MUST work on it.
This doesn't seem to be happening in this case.

I do think divorce is a last resort but sometimes it has to be done.

What YOU need to do is pray and ask the Lord what HIS will is and seek it,not your own.

While this may be hard,it is the best thing that you can do.
 
Dude...you got only one choice...bail out while you still can. Yes, your going to lose some money but chalk it off as lessons learned. Things will NOT get better, a pattern has been established and now your name is "in" the computer. Get the #ELL OUT OF DODGE will you still can. You only live once and don't start feeling sorry for yourself. You did the best you could so feel happy. Don't sit there and fool yourself saying "things will get better," because your only kidding yourself. And THANK GOD she isn't pregnant. CHIN UP!!!! TAKE IT LIKE A MAN and move on.
Look at it this way............this whole incident is ALWAYS going to be in your mind. IF you got back together, IF things worked out, IF she could control her temper, IF you could trust her again...you will still be GUN shy. And when all this crap happens again, you will be so ****** at yourself for even trying and trusting her and this next time, you won't be getting off so easily. Women have the court system by the gonads compared to us men. We get screwed just because we are men. The next time around bring your own bottle of KY jelly because your going to get it in more ways than one.
FILE for divorce, is Washington a no-vault divorce state? Remember, you will get over this and life will still go on. Don't kid yourself thinking she hasn't thought about divorce already.
 
Logic and reason are not valid when it comes to love. I have come so close to the brink, that most will never know.

Certain chemistries of attraction to certain people is VERY strong.........
 
That's the truth. Rumi wrote:

" Love is the pearl of an oyster
living on the bottom of the sea.
Reason stands on the shore and can't swim."

Or something like that.
 
Bottom line, the legal system is stacked against you if you try to defend yourself against the psycho babe. Bail now before you invest any more time, emotions, or God forbid, kids.
 
Mark, Mark, Mark!!! Take your head out of the clouds my friend.
You know, if you take in all this advice, and I know you wanted it or you wouldn't have asked, you will see a common theme. Rarely on this section of the board will you see people agree as readily as they have regarding your dilema. THIS SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING!!!! Stop this lovey, dovey, mushy, doormat like behavior before you end up in jail. She may just set you up and take you for everything that you've got! Get away, go "window" shopping at a nice establishment in order to take your mind off this woman. The world is overflowing with ladies that would be interested in an overly sensitive guy like you.
Sorry if I sound harsh but I've got a friend thats been screwed (not the good kind of screwed) by females more than once.... and so have I. Sometimes a guys gotta know when to thrown in the towel!
 
Mark, you have decided you want to stay married. I think you're going to need to set a deadline for your wife's decision.

Only you and your wife can make these decisions. The decision should be final and irrevocable (IMO).

If the decision does not go your way, live with it and don't look back. If you get back together, you both have a lot of work ahead of you.

God bless and good luck.
cheers.gif
 
Wait??? For what????? Your burning daylight my friend. Take a risk and close this chapter out of your life.
 
The last I heard, my wife wanted to be together, after we both have had enough counsleing to make sure we can avoid this in the future. Until I hear differently, that's what I'm waiting for.
 
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