Anger management

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I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'Jerk' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a jerk!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "jerk calling" would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!" One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first jerk (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW jerk, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're a jerk!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two jerks to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Jerk #1. "Hello." "You're an jerk!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Don Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "Jerk, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, jerk," and hung up. Then I called Jerk #2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, jerk," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your a$$," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, jerk, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill someone. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two jerks beating the [censored] out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew. I certainly feel much better now. Anger management really works...
 

Oldmoparguy1

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Originally Posted By: bdcardinal
epic
That is an oldie. I remember it from the days of fidonet.. I should do some research. There is a whole genre of these kind of stories. There was one about and IT guy at a university. It was serialized. Fabulous!
 
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You mean BOFH. My sig comes from one of his excuse of the day choices.
Originally Posted By: Oldmoparguy1
Originally Posted By: bdcardinal
epic
That is an oldie. I remember it from the days of fidonet.. I should do some research. There is a whole genre of these kind of stories. There was one about and IT guy at a university. It was serialized. Fabulous!
 
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Originally Posted By: Oldmoparguy1
Originally Posted By: bdcardinal
epic
That is an oldie. I remember it from the days of fidonet.. I should do some research. There is a whole genre of these kind of stories. There was one about and IT guy at a university. It was serialized. Fabulous!
That must have been the [censored] operator from [censored]. I wish I could have done some of those things mentioned. My favorite is one where the user asks for more space on the system, and he's told he now has more space on the system. User is happy to find he has double the space, but the operator just deleted all his files. He hangs up as the user slowly realizes what happened.
 
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Originally Posted By: Oldmoparguy1
There was one about and IT guy at a university. It was serialized. Fabulous!
unplugged server. plugged in tea-maker
 
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for years i thought it was "packets delivered by postal pigeons...."
Originally Posted By: javacontour
You mean BOFH. My sig comes from one of his excuse of the day choices.
Originally Posted By: Oldmoparguy1
Originally Posted By: bdcardinal
epic
That is an oldie. I remember it from the days of fidonet.. I should do some research. There is a whole genre of these kind of stories. There was one about and IT guy at a university. It was serialized. Fabulous!
 
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Good story. One that I thought of is: Walk thru a Parking Lot and look for any vehicles with body damage. Leave a Note saying you bumped their car and couldn't stick around. But the Name & Phone Number on the Note is of someone you don't like. I would hate to be getting phone calls from strangers saying I damaged their car and they wanted to get paid. No I have not done this yet. It's just my evil mind at work.
 
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That was an April Fools RFC, let me see if I can find it. IP over Avian Carriers with Quality of Service My quote is from the BOFH excuse of the day list: Excuse of the Day
Originally Posted By: pandus13
for years i thought it was "packets delivered by postal pigeons...."
Originally Posted By: javacontour
You mean BOFH. My sig comes from one of his excuse of the day choices.
Originally Posted By: Oldmoparguy1
Originally Posted By: bdcardinal
epic
That is an oldie. I remember it from the days of fidonet.. I should do some research. There is a whole genre of these kind of stories. There was one about and IT guy at a university. It was serialized. Fabulous!
 
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Yep, I believe it's episode one of BOFH, quotas in megabytes and reference to Purity test scores. All the rage when I was in college in the 1980s.
Originally Posted By: Wolf359
Originally Posted By: Oldmoparguy1
Originally Posted By: bdcardinal
epic
That is an oldie. I remember it from the days of fidonet.. I should do some research. There is a whole genre of these kind of stories. There was one about and IT guy at a university. It was serialized. Fabulous!
That must have been the [censored] operator from [censored]. I wish I could have done some of those things mentioned. My favorite is one where the user asks for more space on the system, and he's told he now has more space on the system. User is happy to find he has double the space, but the operator just deleted all his files. He hangs up as the user slowly realizes what happened.
 
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Originally Posted By: Jimkobb
Oldmoparguy1 , pandus 13 says your a jerk :-)
stops hamsters cage, apply MMO to cage, apply PAO synthetic to hamster, put carrot in front of hamster, start the cage i'm sorry you where saying my number is 800- ? and for the record, the grammar police is going to get you mister. you have too many spaces now excuse me, i have to chase away the doves from my car
 
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