... you find yourself using the excuse 'yo, but you gots twice as many cylindas, dude after EVERY race
... your gumby pants make it hard to shift
... you have stickers that even most asians don't get
... you have stickers for parts you dont have
... you refer to 50hp as the 'big shot'
... when you drive by, WWII veterans run for shelter
... your exhaust tip diameter is 4 times the inner muffler diameter
... birds make nests on your spoiler because its taller than the trees
... you sell crack for the image...not the money
... you have 'N/T' polished on the side of car and you don't know what bracket racing is...
... you will only race if the other guy removes four sparkplugs
... you can't race uphills
... you brag to have nitrous and have a 14.50 dial in
... your exhaust system for your 1.8L is bigger than most Pro-stock cars
... you spent more money on stickers and stripes than your parents paid for your car
... you go to a performance shop and immediately start rummaging through the decal bin
... your tach is bigger than your head
... you have a shiftlight and your car is an automatic
... you refuse to race because it's a "show car"
... your only mods are cut factory springs and a 5" chrome exhaust tip
... at Autocross events you don't participate because you have a drag race setup and at drag events you brag about kicking [censored] on the autocross.
... you have more lights on the front of your car than the USS Voyager
... you brag about a turbo kit that never seems to get installed.
... your exhaust sounds like a dying Moose, [censored] of bumble bee, or just plain [censored]
... your bright green $300 air filter is bigger than your engine.
... You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
... You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
... Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
... 17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.
... You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
... DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for. .
... A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
... Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
... The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
... Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."
... Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
... You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
... You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
... Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
... Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
... You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
... Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
... The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
... You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
... You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
... You install clear corner and brake lights.
... You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
... You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
... You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
... If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
... if you can fit your fist in your exhaust tip
... You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
... You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
... You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
... You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
... The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
... If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
... You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
... A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
... You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
... If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
... If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
... If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
... If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
... You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
... If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
... MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
... Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
... Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
... The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
... If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
... If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
... If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
... If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
... You think pushrods are a bad thing…
... Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
... Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
... You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
... If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
... You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
... You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
... If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
... You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
... If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
... If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
... If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
... If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
... If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
.. You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.
.. You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.
... You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
... You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)
... You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
... You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
... If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
... drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
... your gumby pants make it hard to shift
... you have stickers that even most asians don't get
... you have stickers for parts you dont have
... you refer to 50hp as the 'big shot'
... when you drive by, WWII veterans run for shelter
... your exhaust tip diameter is 4 times the inner muffler diameter
... birds make nests on your spoiler because its taller than the trees
... you sell crack for the image...not the money
... you have 'N/T' polished on the side of car and you don't know what bracket racing is...
... you will only race if the other guy removes four sparkplugs
... you can't race uphills
... you brag to have nitrous and have a 14.50 dial in
... your exhaust system for your 1.8L is bigger than most Pro-stock cars
... you spent more money on stickers and stripes than your parents paid for your car
... you go to a performance shop and immediately start rummaging through the decal bin
... your tach is bigger than your head
... you have a shiftlight and your car is an automatic
... you refuse to race because it's a "show car"
... your only mods are cut factory springs and a 5" chrome exhaust tip
... at Autocross events you don't participate because you have a drag race setup and at drag events you brag about kicking [censored] on the autocross.
... you have more lights on the front of your car than the USS Voyager
... you brag about a turbo kit that never seems to get installed.
... your exhaust sounds like a dying Moose, [censored] of bumble bee, or just plain [censored]
... your bright green $300 air filter is bigger than your engine.
... You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
... You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
... Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
... 17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.
... You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
... DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for. .
... A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
... Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
... The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
... Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."
... Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
... You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
... You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
... Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
... Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
... You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
... Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
... The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
... You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
... You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
... You install clear corner and brake lights.
... You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
... You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
... You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
... If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
... if you can fit your fist in your exhaust tip
... You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
... You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
... You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
... You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
... The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
... If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
... You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
... A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
... You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
... If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
... If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
... If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
... If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
... You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
... If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
... MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
... Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
... Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
... The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
... If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
... If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
... If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
... If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
... You think pushrods are a bad thing…
... Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
... Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
... You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
... If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
... You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
... You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
... If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
... You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
... If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
... If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
... If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
... If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
... If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
.. You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.
.. You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.
... You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
... You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)
... You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
... You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
... If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
... drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
