http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2013/09/1...ntcmp=obnetwork be careful who you date and marry
You all be careful :Marriage stuff
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As a 38 year old, who is about to get married for the second time next weekend (September 28th), I laughed at this article.
But I did agree with his statement that "I loved my spouse enough to suffer this journey alongside him (or her)."
Because life is full of suffering. Full of triumphs and tragedies. You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
It's not your partner that needs changing. It's you. If you want your spouse to be the best person he/she can be, the only effective tool you have is to be the best person you can be.
Below is one of the most effective notions I've ever come across....which has turned around my life and brought me an untold amount of happiness and freedom:
Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my short-comings, I could not get better; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (Edited to gain universality).
But I did agree with his statement that "I loved my spouse enough to suffer this journey alongside him (or her)."
Because life is full of suffering. Full of triumphs and tragedies. You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
It's not your partner that needs changing. It's you. If you want your spouse to be the best person he/she can be, the only effective tool you have is to be the best person you can be.
Below is one of the most effective notions I've ever come across....which has turned around my life and brought me an untold amount of happiness and freedom:
Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my short-comings, I could not get better; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (Edited to gain universality).
Originally Posted By: Phishin
As a 38 year old, who is about to get married for the second time next weekend (September 28th), I laughed at this article.
But I did agree with his statement that "I loved my spouse enough to suffer this journey alongside him (or her)."
Because life is full of suffering. Full of triumphs and tragedies. You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
It's not your partner that needs changing. It's you. If you want your spouse to be the best person he/she can be, the only effective tool you have is to be the best person you can be.
Below is one of the most effective notions I've ever come across....which has turned around my life and brought me an untold amount of happiness and freedom:
Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my short-comings, I could not get better; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (Edited to gain universality).
Dude, this is absolutely beautiful.
As a 38 year old, who is about to get married for the second time next weekend (September 28th), I laughed at this article.
But I did agree with his statement that "I loved my spouse enough to suffer this journey alongside him (or her)."
Because life is full of suffering. Full of triumphs and tragedies. You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
It's not your partner that needs changing. It's you. If you want your spouse to be the best person he/she can be, the only effective tool you have is to be the best person you can be.
Below is one of the most effective notions I've ever come across....which has turned around my life and brought me an untold amount of happiness and freedom:
Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my short-comings, I could not get better; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (Edited to gain universality).
Dude, this is absolutely beautiful.
Originally Posted By: Phishin
As a 38 year old, who is about to get married for the second time next weekend (September 28th), I laughed at this article.
But I did agree with his statement that "I loved my spouse enough to suffer this journey alongside him (or her)."
Because life is full of suffering. Full of triumphs and tragedies. You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
It's not your partner that needs changing. It's you. If you want your spouse to be the best person he/she can be, the only effective tool you have is to be the best person you can be.
Below is one of the most effective notions I've ever come across....which has turned around my life and brought me an untold amount of happiness and freedom:
Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my short-comings, I could not get better; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (Edited to gain universality).
Good advice. I liked all of it except the 'God' mention.
Thanks
As a 38 year old, who is about to get married for the second time next weekend (September 28th), I laughed at this article.
But I did agree with his statement that "I loved my spouse enough to suffer this journey alongside him (or her)."
Because life is full of suffering. Full of triumphs and tragedies. You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
It's not your partner that needs changing. It's you. If you want your spouse to be the best person he/she can be, the only effective tool you have is to be the best person you can be.
Below is one of the most effective notions I've ever come across....which has turned around my life and brought me an untold amount of happiness and freedom:
Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my short-comings, I could not get better; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (Edited to gain universality).
Good advice. I liked all of it except the 'God' mention.
Thanks
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WOW! This is one of the most profound things I have ever read. Dr. Phil should take note.
John
John
There's some truth in what you say Phishin, and I'm glad it's all working out for you. In my case, my divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. The stress of being in a marriage past it's due date would have killed me long ago. Different strokes for different folks I guess. If it doesn't feel right, don't get married - take your time and find the right person. My brother waited until he was 39 and went through plenty of "candidates" - his marriage is still going strong (I think?) 22 years later.
Originally Posted By: Phishin
You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
I LOL'ed at this. SO TRUE in many situations - although you just can't discount the small percentage of women who truly are crazy.
You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
I LOL'ed at this. SO TRUE in many situations - although you just can't discount the small percentage of women who truly are crazy.
I have found that the road to success in marriage is about having a servants heart and focusing on your spouses happiness and well being as opposed to your own. The problem occurs when this road is a one way street full of distractions and selfishness. Sure doing things for yourself is necessary and warranted, but when that becomes the solitary goal in life it typically leads to strife and conflict.
Originally Posted By: danthaman1980
Originally Posted By: Phishin
You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
I LOL'ed at this. SO TRUE in many situations - although you just can't discount the small percentage of women who truly are crazy.
Small percentage? - I see you don't get out much.
Originally Posted By: Phishin
You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
I LOL'ed at this. SO TRUE in many situations - although you just can't discount the small percentage of women who truly are crazy.
Small percentage? - I see you don't get out much.
Originally Posted By: danthaman1980
Originally Posted By: Phishin
You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
I LOL'ed at this. SO TRUE in many situations - although you just can't discount the small percentage of women who truly are crazy.
A guy that I know who has gone through divorce and remarriage said "All women are crazy. You just pick the crazy you can live with."
Most people that I see getting divorced end up remarrying someone that is remarkably similar to their first spouse - Although they would of course totally disagree.
Originally Posted By: Phishin
You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
I LOL'ed at this. SO TRUE in many situations - although you just can't discount the small percentage of women who truly are crazy.
A guy that I know who has gone through divorce and remarriage said "All women are crazy. You just pick the crazy you can live with."
Most people that I see getting divorced end up remarrying someone that is remarkably similar to their first spouse - Although they would of course totally disagree.
You either learn to live life on life's terms or you don't. You either find happiness or you don't. It has nothing to do with your spouse. It never has.
If you serve your wife, and she ignores you....that's a good lesson right there. Anytime you put expectations on people or places or things, you're setting yourself for failure. Expectations are pre-meditated resentments.
My soon-to-be-wife, her mother, my mother, my ex, etc. etc. can all be extremely loving and extremely "crazy"....depending on when you run into them. However, I do not, and will not, peg my happiness on someone else's mood or attitude. That is an automatic setup for failure.
My happiness is not contingent upon anything else but me, and my thoughts and attitudes.
You would be amazed how much happier your spouse will be when you quit playing the game of attaching your happiness to him/her.
I have a 90 pound Pit Bull in my house. She loves to play tug-of-war with a length of rope. She will play all day. She will do everything she can to rip that rope out of your hands. But when you drop the rope....she lays down and take a nap or finds something else to do.
All you gotta do is drop the rope.
If you serve your wife, and she ignores you....that's a good lesson right there. Anytime you put expectations on people or places or things, you're setting yourself for failure. Expectations are pre-meditated resentments.
My soon-to-be-wife, her mother, my mother, my ex, etc. etc. can all be extremely loving and extremely "crazy"....depending on when you run into them. However, I do not, and will not, peg my happiness on someone else's mood or attitude. That is an automatic setup for failure.
My happiness is not contingent upon anything else but me, and my thoughts and attitudes.
You would be amazed how much happier your spouse will be when you quit playing the game of attaching your happiness to him/her.
I have a 90 pound Pit Bull in my house. She loves to play tug-of-war with a length of rope. She will play all day. She will do everything she can to rip that rope out of your hands. But when you drop the rope....she lays down and take a nap or finds something else to do.
All you gotta do is drop the rope.
Originally Posted By: Cold_Canuk
Originally Posted By: Phishin
As a 38 year old, who is about to get married for the second time next weekend (September 28th), I laughed at this article.
But I did agree with his statement that "I loved my spouse enough to suffer this journey alongside him (or her)."
Because life is full of suffering. Full of triumphs and tragedies. You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
It's not your partner that needs changing. It's you. If you want your spouse to be the best person he/she can be, the only effective tool you have is to be the best person you can be.
Below is one of the most effective notions I've ever come across....which has turned around my life and brought me an untold amount of happiness and freedom:
Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my short-comings, I could not get better; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (Edited to gain universality).
Good advice. I liked all of it except the 'God' mention.
Thanks
I liked it even more because it was mentioned.
I do have to say though having family that has had to go through divorce, you both have to really be applying the above notion to the marriage for success. Of course at different times one will be working harder than the other and vise versa. If there comes a time where one stops working and refuses to abide by the notion, for the well being of the other, the marriage is dying and it is time to get out. Crazy only accelerates the process.
Originally Posted By: Phishin
As a 38 year old, who is about to get married for the second time next weekend (September 28th), I laughed at this article.
But I did agree with his statement that "I loved my spouse enough to suffer this journey alongside him (or her)."
Because life is full of suffering. Full of triumphs and tragedies. You can look for a "better" spouse, or cling onto old romanticized notions of a past relationship, but in the end, when you switch partners, you just swapping out one set of problems for another...because the unchanged you, is still in the equation.
It's not your partner that needs changing. It's you. If you want your spouse to be the best person he/she can be, the only effective tool you have is to be the best person you can be.
Below is one of the most effective notions I've ever come across....which has turned around my life and brought me an untold amount of happiness and freedom:
Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my short-comings, I could not get better; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (Edited to gain universality).
Good advice. I liked all of it except the 'God' mention.
Thanks
I liked it even more because it was mentioned.
I do have to say though having family that has had to go through divorce, you both have to really be applying the above notion to the marriage for success. Of course at different times one will be working harder than the other and vise versa. If there comes a time where one stops working and refuses to abide by the notion, for the well being of the other, the marriage is dying and it is time to get out. Crazy only accelerates the process.
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I liked it all !
This thread sounds like a Hallmark card to me. Sorry, but we should expect certain things from our relationships with people. Not to expect anything at all is not normal nor is it truly reasonable. Relationships are in a sense, contractual. Of course the terms of this contract should be understood by both parties before entering into it. It's not to say that these terms aren't occasionally breached or let's say....stretched a bit. This is expected and should be tolerated.
While I appreciate the OP's intent, the post seems to smack a bit too much to me of a rather simplistic and overly passive attitude that many individuals simply aren't capable of doing. The religious and pacifistic tone doesn't help either....in my opinion.
While I appreciate the OP's intent, the post seems to smack a bit too much to me of a rather simplistic and overly passive attitude that many individuals simply aren't capable of doing. The religious and pacifistic tone doesn't help either....in my opinion.
As one who went through a pretty bad divorce, sometimes it really is the other person.
Not to the extent of pushing me over a cliff. But having an affair with a married man, and then wanting the children, the house, and for me to pay to keep her in the lifestyle she had grown accustomed to, and so forth.
If it's not working, then NEGOTIATE a settlement. Don't go nuclear by having an affair.
Something attracted you originally. So go back to doing those things, talk to your spouse, ask him/her to consider the same.
I'm just tired of this bad rep that men are the ones who destroy marriages. From what I read, 66-75% of divorces are sought by women, not men. Seldom are they for marital misconduct such as he's beating her, or a cheater or an addict.
Most of the time, it's her who thinks the grass is greener and wants to trade him in on another model.
Of course for every man having an affair, there is a woman. So I'm not saying one gender is more or less well behaved than the other. What I'm saying is folks just don't know how to solve problems in a healthy fashion.
Instead, the choose hurtful and destructive behaviors. Sometimes, it ends up costing an innocent spouse his/her life.
Not to the extent of pushing me over a cliff. But having an affair with a married man, and then wanting the children, the house, and for me to pay to keep her in the lifestyle she had grown accustomed to, and so forth.
If it's not working, then NEGOTIATE a settlement. Don't go nuclear by having an affair.
Something attracted you originally. So go back to doing those things, talk to your spouse, ask him/her to consider the same.
I'm just tired of this bad rep that men are the ones who destroy marriages. From what I read, 66-75% of divorces are sought by women, not men. Seldom are they for marital misconduct such as he's beating her, or a cheater or an addict.
Most of the time, it's her who thinks the grass is greener and wants to trade him in on another model.
Of course for every man having an affair, there is a woman. So I'm not saying one gender is more or less well behaved than the other. What I'm saying is folks just don't know how to solve problems in a healthy fashion.
Instead, the choose hurtful and destructive behaviors. Sometimes, it ends up costing an innocent spouse his/her life.
Originally Posted By: javacontour
As one who went through a pretty bad divorce, sometimes it really is the other person.
Not to the extent of pushing me over a cliff. But having an affair with a married man, and then wanting the children, the house, and for me to pay to keep her in the lifestyle she had grown accustomed to, and so forth.
If it's not working, then NEGOTIATE a settlement. Don't go nuclear by having an affair.
Something attracted you originally. So go back to doing those things, talk to your spouse, ask him/her to consider the same.
I'm just tired of this bad rep that men are the ones who destroy marriages. From what I read, 66-75% of divorces are sought by women, not men. Seldom are they for marital misconduct such as he's beating her, or a cheater or an addict.
Most of the time, it's her who thinks the grass is greener and wants to trade him in on another model.
Of course for every man having an affair, there is a woman. So I'm not saying one gender is more or less well behaved than the other. What I'm saying is folks just don't know how to solve problems in a healthy fashion.
Instead, the choose hurtful and destructive behaviors. Sometimes, it ends up costing an innocent spouse his/her life.
Amen,
went through one myself, not fully over yet, in MI 80% of the divorce is filed by women.
in MOST cases the women claim the same things, when you sit in court your hear nearly the same story from each woman, makes you wonder if they were married to the same guy:
-my husband is scary, he threatened me, I don't feel safe.
-my husband is out all the time working, so I should get the kids
-my husband called me names, hurt my feelings
-my husband is controlling, what the f, I am the only one who can be controlling....
the list goes one.
There are evil people out there but go sit in court for a morning and see true evil for yourself.
As one who went through a pretty bad divorce, sometimes it really is the other person.
Not to the extent of pushing me over a cliff. But having an affair with a married man, and then wanting the children, the house, and for me to pay to keep her in the lifestyle she had grown accustomed to, and so forth.
If it's not working, then NEGOTIATE a settlement. Don't go nuclear by having an affair.
Something attracted you originally. So go back to doing those things, talk to your spouse, ask him/her to consider the same.
I'm just tired of this bad rep that men are the ones who destroy marriages. From what I read, 66-75% of divorces are sought by women, not men. Seldom are they for marital misconduct such as he's beating her, or a cheater or an addict.
Most of the time, it's her who thinks the grass is greener and wants to trade him in on another model.
Of course for every man having an affair, there is a woman. So I'm not saying one gender is more or less well behaved than the other. What I'm saying is folks just don't know how to solve problems in a healthy fashion.
Instead, the choose hurtful and destructive behaviors. Sometimes, it ends up costing an innocent spouse his/her life.
Amen,
went through one myself, not fully over yet, in MI 80% of the divorce is filed by women.
in MOST cases the women claim the same things, when you sit in court your hear nearly the same story from each woman, makes you wonder if they were married to the same guy:
-my husband is scary, he threatened me, I don't feel safe.
-my husband is out all the time working, so I should get the kids
-my husband called me names, hurt my feelings
-my husband is controlling, what the f, I am the only one who can be controlling....
the list goes one.
There are evil people out there but go sit in court for a morning and see true evil for yourself.
Originally Posted By: dwcopple
Originally Posted By: Burt
"All women are crazy. You just pick the crazy you can live with."
Bingo
What a load of c-r-a-p
There are some very pitiful men in this thread.
Originally Posted By: Burt
"All women are crazy. You just pick the crazy you can live with."
Bingo
What a load of c-r-a-p
There are some very pitiful men in this thread.
Originally Posted By: Stewart Fan
Originally Posted By: dwcopple
Originally Posted By: Burt
"All women are crazy. You just pick the crazy you can live with."
Bingo
What a load of c-r-a-p
There are some very pitiful men in this thread.
Sadly true. There are a ton of both men and women who continue to evaluate everything in front of them based on their past.
Forgive.
Forget.
Move on...
Originally Posted By: dwcopple
Originally Posted By: Burt
"All women are crazy. You just pick the crazy you can live with."
Bingo
What a load of c-r-a-p
There are some very pitiful men in this thread.
Sadly true. There are a ton of both men and women who continue to evaluate everything in front of them based on their past.
Forgive.
Forget.
Move on...
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