Who else has hit rock bottom?

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Joined
Feb 26, 2013
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Illinois, USA
Everyone has been in it least once, and I think I'm in it now.

I worked for my dad for the past few years, a construction job, working 6 days a week, but I've only received 1 paycheck, but slowly, he forgets his wallets here and there and borrows money and never pays me back, now I'm out and he expects room & board weekly from me. And he does make quite a bit a cash. His health is declining too, and he seems to have anger problems, one minute he is a nightmare, the next minute he is fine.

There have been a lot of family problems too, my aunt is homeless, and has a drug problem. Her 16 year old son lives in the car with her. She beats him too, once in font of me when she was delusional. You can call the police as often as you want, they just let her go, or drop her off at our house. She follows me sometimes, and keyed my car because it is parked outside. My sister has 3 kids, the state thankfully took them away because of her absence of parenting. The state told her if she fixes the house problem, she could get them back. So she calls me asking for $100 here and there to have the rodent infestation problem taken care of. I always hang up. I've imagined myself to be a neat uncle, sending neat things for Christmas, but they are gone with another family. My brother has died. It was a long time ago, and no one will tell me why or how. All I know is where his grave is. My mom divorced and was remarried months later, a few states away. I try to see her once a year.

My dad's has dating problems too, he goes to homeless shelters to give a helping hand, and finds woman to bring home. It doesn't matter if I am home, they are loud so to speak. Some of them have stolen money and medicine from drawers. My dad in return has bought personal door locks for our bedrooms (another sister lives at home.) Sometimes he drives hours to find woman, and other times they are dropped off by people we don't know. Due to something that had happened today he may be kicking me out. I warned my sister of another woman he brought home, she texted my dad and I could here both of them downstairs, he sounded a bit angry.

We don't get along much anymore, He doesn't even like it when I bring my car into the garage for maintenance. And then things turn dark in an instant, He makes death threats when I hand him something and its dropped, like a screw or tool. Sometimes in my most declined of moments, he urges me to kill myself. I wish he would make the call in my self harming episodes. I don't have any money to bring myself in, and I don't have insurance.

I have an appointment tomorrow at a temp agency for a new job. I may live in my car for a bit if it ever came to another fight, but it is hard to think to start from nothing and try to get a apartment, maintain my car, then try to go back to school and restart life. He reminds me this

"My dad did it to me, and now your going to get the same treatment."

But then maybe I should have taken more careful consideration of my dad's words, I should have killed myself a long time ago. I'm sorry if this was a bit dark, but someone here must have been in the deepest of voids and got themselves out.
 
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Joined
Oct 28, 2012
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IL
If you're thinking of sleeping in your car for a bit, you should probably do so in another city (or state). You might be better off cutting ties with your family if they really are this bad. It's a big world outside with lots of places to live and work, and lots of decent people around. I've been there. Life gets better when you don't have to cater to bad people anymore.
 
Joined
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Your dad has a problem But. You are making a choice to go to work for him everyday. You have a problem. What the [censored] are you doing going to work for him if you are not getting paid. He is no different than anybody else you would work for. Get the [censored] out of this situation. Save yourself and to [censored] with the rest of them. They are just dragging you into this pit.
 
Joined
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Connecticut
Wow. Keep your head up. Your family is the trigger. The sooner you get a fresh start somewhere clear of them and start collecting good pay checks from someone else the quicker your outlook will change.
 
Joined
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Texas
Originally Posted By: Oversteer
If you're thinking of sleeping in your car for a bit, you should probably do so in another city (or state). You might be better off cutting ties with your family if they really are this bad. It's a big world outside with lots of places to live and work, and lots of decent people around. I've been there. Life gets better when you don't have to cater to bad people anymore.


same as what he said ........

Don't walk, RUN, from this situation.
Sounds like you have a good heart, some technical skills, and the desire to succeed.
Dallas/Fort Worth is growing, plenty of jobs available.
You have a map?
 
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Joined
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California
We are a community and reading this was tough. In 2010 I lived in my car, my old Honda Accord, it was a tough time in live. PM me and we can correspond, not easy to read I'm certain but you can get yourself out of this situation.
 

AZjeff

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You REALLY need to be having this conversation somewhere besides an oil forum on the internet. Like with a counselor. Nobody here can give you any meaningful advice and shouldn't try. Get real help.
 
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Originally Posted By: AZjeff
You REALLY need to be having this conversation somewhere besides an oil forum on the internet. Like with a counselor. Nobody here can give you any meaningful advice and shouldn't try. Get real help.
+1 Good luck to you.
 

Nick1994

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Talk to your mom, maybe you can see if you can stay with her for a short while until you find a job where she is. All it'll cost is a little gas to get there, maybe you can sell something of yours for the gas. I wish you well.
 
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You need to find somebody that you look up to as a role model, and ask for their advice and support. Possibly the local American Red Cross, or Salvation Army as a start. They could point you in the right direction and mobilize some help. If you are members of a local church, talk to the head of the church / pastor / whatever for advice. Not so much for handouts, but to guide you for further assistance.
 
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Several times in my life I have met people that have stories like this.

Each time it seems to me they are just wasting there life letting low life friends or family (seemingly) just drag them down until the become 'just like them'

What the 'heck' is the matter with people!

There is a whole world out there, and most of it sounds one whole lot better than the hole you are in now!

You live in a free county, There is nothing holding you back but yourself!!

Speaking as someone who has emergrated in the past (and would do again), I tell you, I would not stay in a place 5 minutes if I did not see a future for myself.

Don't sleep in you car, Drive the freeking thing!
 
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SR5

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Down Under
You sound sensible, you have experience in the construction industry. Time to get a new job and leave home.

Will your other sister be OK at home if you leave ?

Have you considered the military ? Not for everybody, but I loved my time in the army. You need to be clean and healthy to join. Lots of non-combat roles, especially in the Navy and Air-Force. Plus I believe in the US military, after a few years service you have earned the "GI-Bill" which will pay for your University / College education.

Mate, if you can handle living at home with your Dad, you can handle basic training. Consider doing a trade in the Navy, three hots & a cot, your pay will be there, see the world, earn respect and leave your old life behind.

If the military is not for you, and I accept that. then a construction job in another city with lots of work on.

Good Luck Mate !!!
 
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MTL, CANADA
Lots of good advice here. Definitely time to leave for another city...it could almost be adventurous for you. I know not easy but find an area and a map and find yourself and then find a job and a place to live. Good luck smile
 

SR5

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Messages
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BTW re-reading this, I'll just add that you can't join the military if you have mental issues or talking about self-harm. However, you need to decide this for yourself. I'm not convinced you have issues, but rather a negative father shoving issues into your head as another way of stuffing with you. If he started the self-harm talk, you really need to walk away from it and NOT take ownership of such silly ideas.

You know, this could be really positive, the start of a big adventure for you. The start of an amazing life. You have youth on your side, something amazing and completely unappreciated by those who have it. Stop wasting it !! Run into the world and start living !!!

In some ways I envy you, play your cards right, and everything is positive and possible from here. What an adventure you have in front of you.
 
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Joined
Dec 16, 2011
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Connecticut 06033
Originally Posted By: 79sunrunner
Everyone has been in it least once, and I think I'm in it now. I worked for my dad for the past few years, a construction job, working 6 days a week, but I've only received 1 paycheck, but slowly, he forgets his wallets here and there and borrows money and never pays me back, now I'm out and he expects room & board weekly from me. And he does make quite a bit a cash. His health is declining too, and he seems to have anger problems, one minute he is a nightmare, the next minute he is fine. There have been a lot of family problems too, my aunt is homeless, and has a drug problem. Her 16 year old son lives in the car with her. She beats him too, once in font of me when she was delusional. You can call the police as often as you want, they just let her go, or drop her off at our house. She follows me sometimes, and keyed my car because it is parked outside. My sister has 3 kids, the state thankfully took them away because of her absence of parenting. The state told her if she fixes the house problem, she could get them back. So she calls me asking for $100 here and there to have the rodent infestation problem taken care of. I always hang up. I've imagined myself to be a neat uncle, sending neat things for Christmas, but they are gone with another family. My brother has died. It was a long time ago, and no one will tell me why or how. All I know is where his grave is. My mom divorced and was remarried months later, a few states away. I try to see her once a year. My dad's has dating problems too, he goes to homeless shelters to give a helping hand, and finds woman to bring home. It doesn't matter if I am home, they are loud so to speak. Some of them have stolen money and medicine from drawers. My dad in return has bought personal door locks for our bedrooms (another sister lives at home.) Sometimes he drives hours to find woman, and other times they are dropped off by people we don't know. Due to something that had happened today he may be kicking me out. I warned my sister of another woman he brought home, she texted my dad and I could here both of them downstairs, he sounded a bit angry. We don't get along much anymore, He doesn't even like it when I bring my car into the garage for maintenance. And then things turn dark in an instant, He makes death threats when I hand him something and its dropped, like a screw or tool. Sometimes in my most declined of moments, he urges me to kill myself. I wish he would make the call in my self harming episodes. I don't have any money to bring myself in, and I don't have insurance. I have an appointment tomorrow at a temp agency for a new job. I may live in my car for a bit if it ever came to another fight, but it is hard to think to start from nothing and try to get a apartment, maintain my car, then try to go back to school and restart life. He reminds me this "My dad did it to me, and now your going to get the same treatment." But then maybe I should have taken more careful consideration of my dad's words, I should have killed myself a long time ago. I'm sorry if this was a bit dark, but someone here must have been in the deepest of voids and got themselves out.
Is this fiction or nonfiction ?
 
Joined
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Messages
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Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada
Originally Posted By: Shannow
Don't hurt yourself because of their problems. Walk, and never look back.
This. Just because they're family (or friends or whatever) doesn't excuse bad behaviour and make you beholden to it.
 
Joined
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Location
Virginia
Exactly what Shannow stated here. Plus what others have said as well. Head south and find work and move on forward.

As to what azjeff stated... True about the counselor part. I agree with that as long as you find a good one. There are many of them who aren't hitting on much themselves as well out there.

Guys.... Sometimes, there are times where being very serious is a good and necessary thing... Even in here. Following questions for anyone here to consider..
Do you have a mom or father?? Are they sick?? Have dementia, Parkinson's, multiple sclerosis, drink too much, diabetic, have had a stroke??
Do you have brothers or sisters?? Do they have health problems?? Do they drink too much, have they had a terrible car accident, do they use drugs, do they have mental health problems?? Etc... Have you lost a friend or family member to suicide?? Have you lost a friend or family member to a car accident?? Do you go see your mother and she doesn't recognize you anymore?? What if your mother just lost her husband of 50 years and yet hardly 30 minutes later your mother can't remember who just passed away?? And you are her son... How does that feel?? Have you been there?? Do you go to see your father at the retirement home and he's losing weight and stopped eating and you can't get him to eat or drink anymore?? You know how that feels. Or when the caregiver lets you know the reason he's stopped eating is because he's ready to pass on, and that this is a sign of that.. have you had that happen?? Have you had a sister lose a baby due to a severe complication?? By the way very few of the questions posed really have happened to me.

There are a multitude of questions that can be asked that apply to everyone on here. We all have family, friends, and tough things that have happened to us at times. We are human too. Important things happen to us as well. I think it's all right to talk about these circumstances from time to time. It is a reminder of our shared humanity.

I'm not saying or suggesting to wallow around in anything and have a pity party either. That's not helpful or remotely productive. It is good though for us to share some of our difficult circumstances at times. We can help each other, lift each other up, and help each other find a better way forward. That's the good part of tough times and circumstances. When we can come together, offer an ear, and a strong hand to help pull up our fellow man in their time of need.
 
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