What would you do?

[RedOak]

I have been changing the oil in my father-in-law's 97 Ford Ranger for the last six years every 3 months at whatever miles. It generally works out to three to four thousand miles per change. Now with 170,000 miles on the clock the truck is starting to use a quart every two thousand miles even with Valvoline Maxlife. The problem I have is he will not add oil between changes to keep the level in the safe area on the dipstick. I have even bought the extra quart of oil for him to add and it just sits in his shed. We live around forty miles apart and I do not have the time to check his oil constantly. He will not let me change the oil around his house anymore. He wants me to drive down to the a large parking lot a just be out of the way. He has made comments that the Valvoline Maxlife made his engine tick and he did not really like it. The bottom line is that I am ticked with his attitude. I have changed his oil using my own funds for several years now. I am afraid if I stop the oil will not get changed and he will run the darn thing out of oil. I took pride in keeping his ride up but he is becoming unappreciative. I want to wash my hands of this in case he fails to maintain his oil level between changes. What would you do?

 

[Shannow]

A couple times I've been doing maintenance for family (funny, THEY were inlaws also). They wouldn't take advice, and ended up with other people dragging them around because one thing or another has failed when I expressly told them to change something when back in the big smoke, or check something weekly.

Suggested to them that I was wasting my time/weekends, and they'd probably get better service from a garage than a ----ed off brother in law.

Their maintenance costs plummeted, as they were no longer maintaining their cars.

I'd drop the case if I were you.

 

[MarkC]

I agree.

 

[Pablo]

You lost me at the grateful part.

 

[Dad2leia]

If it weren't for the fact that my inlaws Grand Prix just was totaled in an accident a couple of months, they couldn't have given a ---- about the maintenance on either. They bought the car off of a very shady used car place because they were in a bind back then, and were never really happy with the car.

I'm lucky that I could sneak it away every now and again for the perverbial OC, but it did consume oil as well. One time the low oil light came on. Found out that meant at least 2 quarts low, so no damage, but little lubricant flowing through.

Not to be mean, but I'd say take that vehicle and...

 

[RedOak]

Sorry, I thought it was pretty straight forward.

 

[SKUNKY]

My father in law changes oil in everything every five years whether it needs it or not...he thinks I'm crazy for wasting so much money on oil...he never has any problems..go figure...

 

[Al]

This is easy to say since he is not my dad-in-law. But objectively I'm out of the oil changing business for him, if I'm you. Sounds like old age has set in. And its not going to be pretty. It will be your fault no matter what the result.

Just make sure his wife and your wife understand the plan..IMHO

 

[Pablo]

Quote:

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Sorry, I thought it was pretty straight forward.

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Oh, your typing and writing are perfectly clear. I don't understand why your FIL is not a tad grateful for the work you do - and it sounds like treats you like poo.... sends you off the property to change the oil? Won't even top his own car up? I say bag the oil changing for him. It his car pukes, maybe he'll grow up and wake up - but somehow it seems you would be on the hook. Hence the gratefulness would have prevented this mess. Your wife is no doubt worth all this.

Just tell him to go to Spiffy Lewb if he won't top his oil up, and tell him clearly the ramifications if he doesn't maintain his car, because you are done doing it for him.

 

[RedOak]

Thanks Pablo for the good advice. Only bad thing like you mentioned when the old 4.0 locks up on main street his will be fussing at the old son-in-law. It is strange at what retirement can do to some.

 

[Spitty]

Just tell him that from now on you will change the oil with whatever product he wishes and whenever he asks you!
That would be a VERY generous offer, but the ow nus (and liability) will be on him.
How did you get stuck with this job anyway?

 

[salesrep]

Is he old?
Ask him his choice in brands. Have him give you $20-30. Buy the highest grade dino of that brand. change his oil. Kiss his daughter.

 

[Aldaris]

tell him to go to jiffy lube and let them deal with him.

 

[Gary Allan]

Just let it go. Just tell your wife about it so that she knows that the FIL is the one costing himself money by his own negligence ..and you can no longer compensate for it.

 

[rpn453]

I'd still change it if and when he asks, and I'd let him purchase the supplies himself. He'd have to bring it over to my place to do it though.

In my family, I only babysit the cars of females!

 

[tom slick]

I would conveniently not have enough time to change the oil.

 

[Camu Mahubah]

If he doesn't want you changing it in his yard...then I'd tell him to take it to Jiffy Lube and wash my hands of the whole mess...your money and he's complaining!!!....You can't make some people happy no matter what you do!...

 

[Master ACiD]

you should have cut the whole thing off when you were not able to change the oil at youre own house. but to actually drive to someone elses house to change their oil is rediculous. then to no longer be allowed to change it at his house, but be forced to drive to some parking lot or whatever? man i feel bad for ya. thats just terrible.

heres my take on oil changes for family and friends. if they want it done, im happy to provide the service for free. i buy the filters and oil (i stock up so its real cheap) and i require them to bring the vehicle to my house so i can do it in the comfort of my own slab of concrete. while the engine is draining, ill go ahead and check over the rest of the vehicle, grease the fittings, check the trans and coolant, etc etc. it usually takes 20-30 minutes.
when im done i charge them for the oil and filter, i charge them what it cost me. i dont even tell them what brand of oil and filter i put on their car. nobosy ever asks me anyways. most people dont know and they certainly dont care. why should i?

the point im trying to make is that if youre doing oil changes for youre FIL which costs YOU time and money YOU better not accept any heat for ANYTHING that happens to that truck.

and quit changing his oil at his house or nearby parking lot! make him bring his truck to you or dont do it anymore. i dont know how you can handle the situation tactfully but figure something out and stick to youre guns.

 

[RedOak]

Thanks for all of the advice guys. I stuck myself with this situation long ago when he bought the truck. The love of changing oil and helping people has now turned ugly. I think the best thing to do is to explain to him how it would be easier on himself and me to take his ride to his local mechanic and get it serviced. I will remind him one last time that his truck burns oil between changes and let it go. It is really sad that our relationship is not what is was 10 years ago. He now is so selfish since his retirement.

 

[TooManyWheels]

As far as the selfishness goes I believe there may be some age related medical and psychological effects happening here. You will never be able to solve these (they aren't your territory) and as other people have said, the quicker, further and more decisively you remove yourself from the situation the better.