UPS AIR CARGO

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Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
 
I had this sent to me in an e-mail a while ago and laughed my arse off... Reading it again, I'm still laughing... It's funny. Especially the last one!
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That looks like one I saw a few years ago except it was AF pilots and maintenance crews.

Would the transponder on a civilian aircraft be called an IFF?

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P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 
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That looks like one I saw a few years ago except it was AF pilots and maintenance crews.
Likewise, except it was Delta Airlines... Still good ones, tho....
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I have seen this time and time again.

And yet I continue to read them, because they continue to make me chuckle on each go 'round.
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I get a chuckle out of this old joke every time.

So is the next round going to be FedEx or United?

I've "corrected" a few write-ups like those myself. The funny thing is the AFTO Form 781 was never referred to as a "gripe sheet" during my tenure. makes for a good legend though.
 
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