UPS AIR CARGO

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Apr 11, 2003
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Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.
 
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ON, Canada eh?
I had this sent to me in an e-mail a while ago and laughed my arse off... Reading it again, I'm still laughing... It's funny. Especially the last one!
 
Joined
Dec 21, 2003
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Northern CA
That looks like one I saw a few years ago except it was AF pilots and maintenance crews. Would the transponder on a civilian aircraft be called an IFF?
 Quote:
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 
Joined
Oct 25, 2007
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Somerset County, PA
 Quote:
That looks like one I saw a few years ago except it was AF pilots and maintenance crews.
Likewise, except it was Delta Airlines... Still good ones, tho.... \:\!
 

dnewton3

Staff member
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May 14, 2007
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Indianapolis, IN
I have seen this time and time again. And yet I continue to read them, because they continue to make me chuckle on each go 'round.
 
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Joined
May 26, 2003
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Central Coast, Calif.
I get a chuckle out of this old joke every time. So is the next round going to be FedEx or United? I've "corrected" a few write-ups like those myself. The funny thing is the AFTO Form 781 was never referred to as a "gripe sheet" during my tenure. makes for a good legend though.
 
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