The subconscious mind

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Lolvoguy

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Last October I sent a fb message to a gf I dated back in hs wishing her a happy birthday. We actually dated twice (both times I called it off). I recall having really good telephone conversations with her back in hs (before the days of texting). When we got together, I just wasn't attracted to her (yeah, I know...shallow teenage mind).

She responded recently and we've been in contact via text for the past few days. She's still a little more "husky" (as always) but regardless I have no interest in pursuing anything with her. She mentioned that she recently got divorced from her ex and that shortly after they split she got with some other dude who got her pregnant (first baby for her, she never thought she'd be able to have kids due to some uterus disease). After he found out he was going to be a father he split. She said she didn't want to bother with trying to make something work with him, especially since he "freaked out". Obviously this guy would be able to provide for her and his baby while she's pregnant...making it easier on her and the baby.

When I met her back in the summer of grade 9-10, she was living with her mom and her mom was having a rough time raising three kids on her own. The whole situation didn't see right to me, so regardless I split before I got too involved (about three months).

So here we are roughly 20 years later and now she's pregnant and refuses to try any make anything work with either of her ex's I was going to ask if she's aware of the pattern she's set out for herself and how similar it is to the one her mom was in, but I'd feel terrible about guilt-tripping someone who's finally happy to be a mother.

I think that subconsciously she put herself into this situation after observing her mom in the same situation while growing up.


________
 
Originally Posted By: Lolvoguy
I think that subconsciously she put herself into this situation after observing her mom in the same situation while growing up.

Why? Just because the guy didn't want to be a father? What choice did she really have at that point? Are you suggesting she should have / could have forced him to stay? I don't believe in that.

There are lots of single mothers out there. Maybe it's not ideal, but I wouldn't jump to conclusion that it's necessarily her fault that she put herself in that situation.

But having seen her mom do it, it probably made her believe she can handle it as a single parent as well. While it's hard for the single parent, who knows, maybe it's better for the kid to grow up with a single loving parent than with two parents that are constantly at each other's throats.
 
Probably best you keep your judgements in your head if you want to have some sort of platonic relationship with her, or are we just sitting around a campfire here sharing stories?
 
Originally Posted By: cptbarkey
.... or are we just sitting around a campfire here sharing stories?


Boy I hope you aren't a therapist, personal trainer or school counselor. LOL Always interesting though.
 
Originally Posted By: cptbarkey
Probably best you keep your judgements in your head if you want to have some sort of platonic relationship with her, or are we just sitting around a campfire here sharing stories?


yeah, I like story time
smile.gif


have any you'd like to share?
 
Once upon a time, a young man fell in love with a young woman. One day, he bought a diamond ring and upon bended knee asked her if she would be his wife.

She said no.

So he took the ring back for a refund and spent the rest of his days riding motorcycles,fishing, driving sports cars and lived happily ever after.

Originally Posted By: Lolvoguy
Originally Posted By: cptbarkey
Probably best you keep your judgements in your head if you want to have some sort of platonic relationship with her, or are we just sitting around a campfire here sharing stories?


yeah, I like story time
smile.gif


have any you'd like to share?
 
The subconscious mind is not a thing. It's made up pop culture psychology nonsense. There is the conscious mind and the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is simply the collection of processes that we are not aware of. It's not some magical basement where thought happens.
 
Originally Posted By: javacontour
Once upon a time, a young man fell in love with a young woman. One day, he bought a diamond ring and upon bended knee asked her if she would be his wife.

She said no.

So he took the ring back for a refund and spent the rest of his days riding motorcycles,fishing, driving sports cars and lived happily ever after.

Originally Posted By: Lolvoguy
Originally Posted By: cptbarkey
Probably best you keep your judgements in your head if you want to have some sort of platonic relationship with her, or are we just sitting around a campfire here sharing stories?


yeah, I like story time
smile.gif


have any you'd like to share?


I liked that story
laugh.gif
 
Quote

"I think that subconsciously she put herself into this situation after observing her mom in the same situation while growing up."


No, she got into that situation by shacking around without protection....
 
Originally Posted By: javacontour
Once upon a time, a young man fell in love with a young woman. One day, he bought a diamond ring and upon bended knee asked her if she would be his wife.

She said no.

So he took the ring back for a refund and spent the rest of his days riding motorcycles,fishing, driving sports cars and lived happily ever after.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWS2TkPU-T0
 
Originally Posted By: Mr Nice
No, she got into that situation by shacking around without protection....


Exactly! That chick sounds like a total f**k up. My advice (from experience,as that I've dated plenty just like that verbatim),is to avoid like the plague!!
 
Originally Posted By: Lolvoguy
I think that subconsciously she put herself into this situation after observing her mom in the same situation while growing up.


Interesting that you should say that and opens the question, what's that say about the subconscious mind of a 40ish man who contacts an old high school flame after 20 years through some social media site? Especially one with all the issues you describe?
 
Originally Posted By: SumpChump
Originally Posted By: cptbarkey
.... or are we just sitting around a campfire here sharing stories?


Boy I hope you aren't a therapist, personal trainer or school counselor. LOL Always interesting though.


I am all 3 at any given time. I have little use for beating around the bush frankly.
 
Who cares what her problems are. RUN! Quit your texting with her and leave that sheet alone. Next thing you know she will be asking you over for dinner and a movie.
 
That is referred to as a vicious cycle. and only a few break out of it.

Now that you have the life's story if you don't run away the next phase is can i borrow some money. The first time it will be $20 and you'll be paid back. Second time it will be $80 and you'll be paid back then after this trust building period comes the big loan. The car broke down or I cant pay rent or something ...that loan will be big and never be paid back and they'll disappear onto the next host.

Maybe not your situation but I've seen it over and over with good hearted people.
 
Subconscious is kind of like a guilty conscience.. You have a way of attracting attention to self, knowing you done wrong or whatever, moreso than a sociopath who has no notion of what guilt or shameful actions are, and is only concerned about themself, no matter the influence or actual harm or damage to another.

Quote:
That is referred to as a vicious cycle. and only a few break out of it.

Now that you have the life's story if you don't run away the next phase is can i borrow some money. The first time it will be $20 and you'll be paid back. Second time it will be $80 and you'll be paid back then after this trust building period comes the big loan. The car broke down or I cant pay rent or something ...that loan will be big and never be paid back and they'll disappear onto the next host.

Maybe not your situation but I've seen it over and over with good hearted people.


True. But after enough of that, it becomes:

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
And you can't get.. you can't get fooled again after that.

Anything short of full reform in the person, and that's true.
 
if your friend is unable to provide financially for the child, there are intelligent and compelling reasons for the girl to give the child to a couple who would love it and are better able to provide for its future. there are many married couples out there who will adopt.
 
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