Something to make you smile or laugh

Shel_B

Site Donor 2023
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I received these from my brother today. There are some funny comments here. Maybe you'll enjoy a few.

1. The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.

2. When a kid says “Daddy, I want mommy” that’s the kid's version of “I’d like to speak with your supervisor.”

3. I don’t mean to interrupt people but I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

4. I thought growing old would take longer.

5. It’s weird being the same age as old people.

6. I’m at that delusional age where I think everyone my age looks way older than I do.

7. Just once I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH.

8. If I am ever on life support unplug me and plug me back in and see if that works.

9. Do you ever wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and think… “That can’t be accurate.?!

10. I see people out there zip-lining and mountain climbing and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

11. Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like nice people.

12. If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the Apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.

13. We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages…Metamucil and Ensure.

14. You know you are getting old when friends with benefits means having someone who can drive at night.

15. Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.

16. After watching how some people wear their masks I understand why contraception fails.

17. Some of my friends exercise every day, meanwhile, I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

18. For those of you that don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversation they are making a male version….it doesn’t listen to anything.

19. I just got a present labeled, From Mom and Dad, and you know darn well Dad has no idea what’s inside.

20. Now that I have lived through a plague I totally understand why Italian renaissance paintings are full of fat people lying on couches.

21. Now that we have everyone washing their hands correctly…next week…..Turn Signals.
 
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It’s been a while since i’ve read a list like this, but it was a good one, thanks for the before i start my day.
 
Those are good - but funny things just show up in your hand …

Yesterdays weather (on iPhone) announced that sunny conditions would commence at 1800 hours !!!
(been waiting for days) …
Separately - the little icon was finally a sun ! Look closer and they showed sunset at 18:05 😷
 
"6. I’m at that delusional age where I think everyone my age looks way older than I do."

That's me for sure!! Hhahahahaha

Good list. Love the PC ones.

My BIL and SIL in HI are a few years older (ok 5-6 years) than wife and I. They drink Metamucil. Wife and I just looked at each other with huge eyes! (Man when does that start, I still "go" fine???)
 
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"6. I’m at that delusional age where I think everyone my age looks way older than I do."

That's me for sure!! Hhahahahaha

Good list. Love the PC ones.

My BIL and SIL in HI are a few years older (ok 5-6 years) than wife and I. They drink Metamucil. Wife and I just looked at each other with huge eyes! (Man when does that start, I still "go" fine???)
I believe you are an explosive coffee responder. No Metamucil is required. Or was your reaction severe stomach pain? I can't remember.
 
I had a feeling.............this would turn into a poop thread

Coffee does make me go. 3 cups and well, seismic event.
Well not just poopin.... Geezers stuff too.
A buddy of mine, we been close since 1st grade and both turned 66 yrs old. All those years past we been thru it all... From getting in trouble at school , thrown off and on football teams, to concerts, worked jobs together evenings after school, to fabrication shop, pipe fitters, hot shot drivers, jobs during summers. Went hunting and fishing etc... We still joke about the time (espcially since I HATE cold wet weather now with a vengence due to arthritis + this is his 1st yr with it) when we, LIKE IDIOTS went out in 8 degree misting / sleeting /snow flake weather to endure a 4-5 mi boat ride (so cold we had motor bike helemts on) to get to the camp. After the camp to fix up our small swamp/mud boat to get another 1-2 miles into the swampy woods. So cold , once on land/swamp we had to take our gun butts and break the frozen hard/water/mud so we could walk without cutting our boots to get to the duck/deer blinds. We laughed the other day when it was cold and nasty here that these days someone would have to put a gun on us to make us even get outside let alone in a boat in this wintery cold stuff. It is amazing the things a person can make yourself do and put up with when young , dumb and full of it thinking you are bullet proof.
To the coffee and seismic events: we used to work together at a facilty across a river from where we lived. So we had to get up early and get to this boat launch by daylight for a ride in our truck across the river on a ferry boat. Of course after a night out till about 0300 to 0400 am drinking. Wake up early with little sleep , down breakfast and a bucket of hot coffee and scram down the streets to the boat ride..... well as sure as can be , one or both of us would by then have the stomachs churning while waiting for that boat to land and us to drive off tires spinning on the way to nearest gas station BATHROOMS!!! What a start to a day! But .... again, when you young you can handle just about anything. A word to YOUTH! Celebrate it and ENJOY it each and every day. One day you will be like "wait ? what ? I am how old now!??? WTH!?"
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Finale: Wives tease us and long ago started calling us Grumpy Old Men from that movie. The other day we on the phone talking about the new "smart TVs" our kids been after us to buy and start enjoying. We both finally caved in and been really enjoying lots of stuff on them. But we were joking saying "yeah, we are doing what the kids wanted. What the Heck is that word they all say they are doing.....?" Binging it? Watching? Cruising it? Channeling it? No thats not it... Then it hit us both at same time. STREAMING!!! and then we both laughed .... as both wives screamed out "except for you two it is soon to be DREAMING when u fall asleep in the middle of the show!"
 
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