Need some help with my Dad

[Stelth]

Just over two weeks ago, I had my Dad transported to the emergency room when he was having trouble breathing. He's 83. Turns out he had quite advanced pneumonia, from a "trapped" lung. The doctor explained that there was something keeping his left lung from expanding. To make a long story short, it wasn't cancer, and they were able to correct the problem through surgery. So, physically he's recovering.

Before this happened, he was living alone, taking care of himself, and doing pretty much OK. I talked to him just about every day, and we checked on him often. Now he's sometimes lucid, sometimes very irrational. He's been moved to a rehab facility where he will get physical, occupational, and speech therapy. Both occupational and speech therapy should include some cognitive therapy.

My question is: what can I do? I've brought him clothing and some books from home, and tomorrow I'm going to bring him his ukulele - he both plays and teaches ukulele. I talked to him for a couple of hours today, and kept trying to steer him back to reality. I think it's a good sign that he realizes that he's at least somewhat irrational. He is making progress, but I'm worried.

 

[oggb]

Infections will make old folks act like they have dementia, as will low oxygen levels from pneumonia. As the antibiotics start working and the infection subsides he should return to his normal self.

 

[MONKEYMAN]

My stepfather is about the same age. End of June last year he passed out delivering meals and broke 3 ribs. He spent 17 days in the hospital and does not remember how bad he was. His pain medication was the problem (Dilaudid) . Once he was off the pain medication his thinking and memory was much better. On his birthday shortly before discharge he was given Ambien. He thought he was in a war. The nurses were conspirators. He is a retired history teacher and loves the Civil War. He did not remember any of this. My stepsister is a nurse and she hates dispensing Ambien since it causes some people to hallucinate. So I would check his medications and possible side effects.

 

[Spazdog]

Low sodium level can cause aggression and confusion.

My 79 year old mother in law has some dementia, but when she neglects her sodium intake, like when she is ill and just does not eat much, she can be a handful. Very irrational, paranoid, and delusional

She was quite the piano virtuoso in her day. I wish we could get her to play sometimes to clear out the cobwebs but arthritis has stolen that from her. I tried to get her to play an electric keyboard with a softer keys but she will occasionally miss a note and become frustrated.

I sincerely hope the Ukulele works.

 

[spasm3]

It also takes a lot longer for those in their 80's and up to recover from anesthesia ( they can really act odd after general anethsia). How long has he been in the hospital? There is a Psychosis ( ICU Psychosis ) that some people develop when hospitalized for more than a few days. This could explain his change in mental status.

http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=7769

 

[chubbs1]

First off I feel for you and your family in this difficult time. I work in a rehab facility, probably much like the one your dad is in and the best thing you can do is show your support and love to your father. He is in a new environment and many older adults are very regimented, so change can be difficult and it will take time for him to get used to his new "routine". Therapy will work with him and he should get settled in over the next couple of weeks. Ask PT/OT/Speech how he is doing. Don't be afraid to be involved. If he is going to get better he will, we dont bounce back as quickly as we age of course so time will tell. God Bless!

 

[LargeCarManX2]

I would talk with your siblings and consider emergency guardianship and conservatorship! You or your whole family can then decide what is best for him.....It will be emotionally draining, but necessary.

 

[crazyoildude]

I hope all will be ok when anyone goes into a hospital they are drugged up when he gets out hopefully he will be ok..

try to stay away from doctors unless you know them..

 

[Rock_Hudstone]

Sometimes surgery or tramatic injury can trigger or worsen alzheimers in the elderly.

Not to say this is the case with your father as his surgery was very recent, just a possibility to look into.

One high profile case was actor Peter Faulk, (a.k.a Columbo).

He had some dental surgeries and within months could not care for himself any longer and eventually died.

 

[slo town]

Stelth:

My Mom died December 3rd, 2010; and my Dad died August 10th, 2012. I am an only child.

Very briefly, my Mom did everything in the household. For the most part my Dad expected it was wasn't appreciative of anything she did. It was only when Mom passed away unexpectedly (she was 84 and still on full afterburner) did my Dad realize how much she did for him.

My Dad was now on his own (my family lives 3 hours away by car). He gave it a good go but it was a steady decline after Mom's passing. Dad was 88 when it became obvious to all that he could not live on his own. My Dad even agreed. The day he finally left their house of 58 years was a sad moment that I will never forget. So sad, unbelievably sad.

We first moved him down to an assisted living facility in the town where my family lives. Fortunately, the cost of this was more or less doable, but I was paying an eye watering $5,000 a month for his care!!! But, we'd work it out somehow.

The facility was really nice. I visited Dad two or three times a week but after 3 months there he wasn't really happy. He wasn't unhappy. It just wasn't home.

At that point I asked him if he wanted to move into our house (my fantastic wife of 37 years, our youngest son, me, and three loving dogs). He jumped at the chance.

It is for this reason I urge you to ask your Dad what he wants. With you, his son, I believe he can convey his needs in ways that only you two can understand. It may not even be in complete sentences, or even with words.

After my Dad moved in with is he pretty much made up his mind that he had lived a full life and had no reason to prolong it. My Dad was a high level corporate sales rep who wore the finest suits and drove the nicest cars. He did it his whole life. This was who he was.

He health declined quickly when he moved in with us. He mind was great but his body was failing. He finally ended up wearing diapers because about once a day he'd pee in his $100 wool slacks without knowing it.

Dad had all the luxuries that he could hope for when he moved in with us; his own private bedroom, big enough for a sitting are with his own 50" plasma TV. He adored having our three dogs visit him throughout the day! We did all his meals - I even used to take him out for drives in the car. Dad loved cars, his 1965 Pontiac Grand Prix Tri-Power 389 being one of many.

But, Dad was too proud to live like this. He understood. I understood. We understood. With that he stopped all his meds, including cardiac stuff. Within 2 months he was on Hospice. A month later he passed away while my wife and I sat with him in the bedroom. The guest room is not haunted. Rather, it is a very special, peaceful, welcoming place!

I am really proud of my Dad because he had the COURAGE to take personal control of his end of life, quality of life.

Exactly what your Dad wishes to do is something you need to ask of him. I think your job is to support his wishes as best you can.

If you want to talk about this more, PM me. We could do it over the phone.

Scott

 

[Stelth]

Thanks, guys, for all your comments.

 

[antiqueshell]

It seems to me although NOT a MD or any sort of doctor that it appears to be VERY risky for the elderly to go under ANY general type of anesthesia!

I can't count the number of times I have known about or known a person 70 and over that seems to either have a painfully slow recovery with that or they never fully recover their mental facilities after under going it.

My personal outlook on this is to avoid at all costs general anesthesia if one is 70 or over unless you are going to die.

 

[Shannow]

IMO, mega dose vitamins should be tried for a short period of time.

For example, enough vitC to "prevent" scurvy, enough D to "prevent" rickets, and RDA quantities of Vit B may not be enough to be recovering from an infection, or metabolising the anaesthetic.

Very worst outcome would be the creation of expensive urine.

 

[Dave Hess]

SLO_Town,

Thanks for sharing your story of your dad.


Stelth,

I hope your dad is feeling better, my dad is 81 with health problems so I know how you are feeling. Its good that you spend hours a day talking with him, I'm sure he is happy to know you care so much and are overseeing his care / needs.

 

[Pop_Rivit]

You really need to discuss your concerns with both your dad's physical therapists as well as his doctor(s). It's likely that both have seen the same thing in other patients and can give you some insight as to what is really going on with your dad; mentally, emotionally and physically. They can give you advice on how to cope, as well as how to help your dad cope.

You also need to understand that at 83 and having had a health "crisis", your dad has now had to face the fact that his time is very limited. While it's possible that he may well live for another 10-12 years, chances are he won't and your dad has to face the end of his life. A person's looming mortality can be a terrifying realization, especially when it's accompanied by a health scare.

My wife and I have therapy dogs and we visit both rehab centers as well as hospice facilities. The patients vary from those who have gracefully accepted their fate to those who are truly frightened of their end of life and what may (or may not) be beyond. Be there to support your dad, be willing to discuss and have the difficult conversations with him, and understand that much of what he does and says may be motivated by fear of the unknown.

 

[Smoky14]

Age is a cruel master.

 

[Rock_Hudstone]

Originally Posted By: antiqueshell
It seems to me although NOT a MD or any sort of doctor that it appears to be VERY risky for the elderly to go under ANY general type of anesthesia!

My personal outlook on this is to avoid at all costs general anesthesia if one is 70 or over unless you are going to die.

Apparently its not the anesthesia but rather the brain in some of the elderly is "sensitive to the inflammatory proteins the body produces to promote recovery" after an injury, infection or invasive surgery.

Here is the article about I was refering to:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/articl...t-dementia.html

 

[GreeCguy]

So much wonderful wisdom has been shared here with a lot of strength and encouragement. I would simply like to add that you are doing a great thing that is to be admired. Taking care of your Dad, making sure he is comfortable, spending time with him, all of this speaks well for who you are and your character. I know it's not easy when the roles get reversed and you suddenly find yourself taking care of someone who for so many years took care of you, but you do deserve thanks and praise for what you're doing. I will include you and your Dad in my prayers tonight and pray for peace, blessings and healing.

 

[Stelth]

Originally Posted By: GreeCguy
So much wonderful wisdom has been shared here with a lot of strength and encouragement. I would simply like to add that you are doing a great thing that is to be admired. Taking care of your Dad, making sure he is comfortable, spending time with him, all of this speaks well for who you are and your character. I know it's not easy when the roles get reversed and you suddenly find yourself taking care of someone who for so many years took care of you, but you do deserve thanks and praise for what you're doing. I will include you and your Dad in my prayers tonight and pray for peace, blessings and healing.


Thank you for the kind words. I sometimes think that if we knew the kind of things that would happen to us in the future, we would be afraid to get out of bed in the morning. Fortunately, we can't see the future, so we have to handle things as they come.

As far as me doing a "great thing," what I'm doing is more-or-less the kind of thing that used to be expected from family. When family members can't take care of themselves, other family members would step in. I think if you look around, you'll find that it still is this way in many families. I am also very blessed to have a helpful and supportive wife.

I had good parents. At my age, I am aware of them as human beings who had both good and bad character traits. Regardless, they did the best that they could for us, and were great examples of what parents should be. Now that I have grown kids, I understand the phrase, "Once a Dad, always a Dad. (It should be noted that this applies to Moms, too)". It would be utterly despicable for me to abandon my Dad now.