Time to update your skillset. Drum brakes haven't changed much since 1915 and there aren't many changes on the horizon either.
My grand marquis, and many other 4 wheel disc cars, still have drum brakes for the parking brake. I'll take a minute to compare the 4r70w trans in the GM vs the 4t65e in my GM V6 van:
1-2 shift at WOT: Van shifts firm, not snap your neck though, perfect.
1-2 shift at WOT: GM grabs 2nd at 40 MPH, slows down, releases 1st at 50 MPH, then starts accellerating like crazy again. Suspect trans is shredding itself inside for a smooth, old lady approved shift.
Now to the ford's credit the suspension is set up awesome for a big car. The unequal front wishbones make the tires "lean into" corners and the car feels very sprightly in rotaries etc. If you get a post 99ish car the motor's bulletproof, the fixed the intake around then. Yet I would agree with the lesabre/ large General motors sedan. Not perfect but close and good for the price. You should drive both; the dynamics are very different. BTW the 3.8 is rated around 195 hp which about matches a single-exhaust ford 4.6. (But the V8 will have more torque)
For $5k you should be looking at 2003-04s in lesabres or grand marquises. Get a plane ticket to florida and rent a car for a few days looking for the perfect old lady car.