Marriage advice on BITOG ?

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She will - I know for a fact that she's even more enthusiastic about not having kids than me
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the more we see people we know having kids and turning into strange (and sometimes unhappy) people, the more we're happy we made (for us) the right choice. The happiest couples we know are the ones who made the same decision that we did ...

but we know that it's not the same for everyone - some people are miserable when they don't have kids every year
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Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Communication is key.
I get the feeling a lot of times the female decides she wants a baby, gets pregnant, and the man jus just a pushover to it all (whether he has thoughts on child raising or not).

That's why it's a must to discuss and agree on this aspect prior to making any commitment to a permanent relationship
 
Originally Posted By: 97tbird
Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Communication is key.
I get the feeling a lot of times the female decides she wants a baby, gets pregnant, and the man jus just a pushover to it all (whether he has thoughts on child raising or not).

That's why it's a must to discuss and agree on this aspect prior to making any commitment to a permanent relationship

+1

I knew when I married I was going to have at least one kid- and understood what was coming. After our first, I already know what to expect with the second one. (hopefully) Since were a bit late to have kids (not so much by choice), we saw the good and bad sides of it.

And I have no regrets, period. I knew fully what I was getting into...
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Originally Posted By: 97tbird
Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Communication is key.
I get the feeling a lot of times the female decides she wants a baby, gets pregnant, and the man jus just a pushover to it all (whether he has thoughts on child raising or not).

That's why it's a must to discuss and agree on this aspect prior to making any commitment to a permanent relationship


Yep, thus my comments previously that my wife and I, who do want kids, talk about all aspects of this stuff consistently. Being on the same page early is the key...
 
Originally Posted By: javacontour

But I would be careful about who you get for professional help. As I said, 5 out 6 counselors are simply about making happy individuals, which may come at the cost of the marriage and family. Dr Harley is about building a happy marriage, which in-turn produces happy individuals and well reared children.


Very true. So very true.

The one we found was an older guy who been thru it all and had God's mercy on people w/o accepting any b-s. Sorta like the old guy at the hardware store, you seek him out because he's fixed everything there is to fix. He knows.

Our guy knew too. The world needs more of him, guys w/o official degrees on their doors but have experience miles long. Our community is better off because he's here helping us and many others.
 
The bottom line I see is the OP's spouse doesn't respect him. Good luck (seriously) with getting that back. Women, especially, become resentful for all kinds of reasons.
 
Originally Posted By: OtisBlkR1
Alright fellas

Without getting to soppy/detailed i want to know if youv been through this, made it through it, got advice on it

Together 10 years, married 5 only 1 child so far and he's 2yrs 4 months.

The problem:
Im noticing my wife (27) seems to be getting mad more often, and were fighting (never fought before baby) and most of the time the arguements stem from our different parenting styles..

Have any of you noticed your relationships got rocky after the birth of a child ? what did you do ?

All joking aside, thanks for you thoughts in advance.


Sounds normal.. unfortunately. Mine loves me one minute and wants kill me in another minute. Like right now. Oh well I've tried everything with mine. I find ignoring her and leaving her be it seems to cure itself. I know I'm not perfect and will admit that but she wants blood. Last time(s) she acted that way she was knocked up, but unless the snip job didn't work or there's something I don't know about. Always do your homework gentlemen, look at the mother( or mothers). From what I've seen that holds true more time than not!
 
I appreciate everyones input, if i agree or not doesnt matter. Everyone has chimed in and given there take and view point. and given me different views to consider. I appreciate everyones postings ! For those truly intrested, i appoligized and we had a great weekend. My wife and i will find common ground as we've talked about it now and both agree that better communication is in order and of course being on the same page in parenting helps too. thanks everyone again.
 
Originally Posted By: OtisBlkR1
My wife and i will find common ground as we've talked about it now and both agree that better communication is in order and of course being on the same page in parenting helps too. thanks everyone again.

Good to hear.
I think some of the best advice so far was to perhaps have another child and soon, "focus split between two or more kids and all that". She might even want you to do some disciplining at that point.
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Originally Posted By: Rock_Hudstone
I think some of the best advice so far was to perhaps have another child and soon, "focus split between two or more kids and all that".


When the future of a marriage is in question, the deliberate introduction of another life is absolutely the most reckless, irresponsible course possible. I say that with no reservation or apologies.
 
^^^ Agree with TMW - that's a disastrous suggestion, not only for the couple, but for the kid that will be born 'just to solve a marriage problem'.

Horrible advice.
 
Originally Posted By: TooManyWheels
Originally Posted By: Rock_Hudstone
I think some of the best advice so far was to perhaps have another child and soon, "focus split between two or more kids and all that".


When the future of a marriage is in question, the deliberate introduction of another life is absolutely the most reckless, irresponsible course possible. I say that with no reservation or apologies.


I agree with you, Hopefully i didnt say anything to lead anyone to thinking i was heading to a lawyers office, Its not even close to that bad..
 
Originally Posted By: OtisBlkR1
He has raging tantrums when he doesnt get what he wants and mommy caves alot . . .


Not good. You don't want the kid to end up like me: angry most of the time with a violent, destructive temper. But hey, it worked great to get whatever I wanted as a small child. There may have been a genetic component to that too, but it can't help that the behavior was encouraged with reward. I wouldn't wish my disposition on any child.
 
Originally Posted By: Rock_Hudstone

I think some of the best advice so far was to perhaps have another child and soon, "focus split between two or more kids and all that".

Worst advice given since the creation of the universe.
 
Originally Posted By: rpn453
Originally Posted By: OtisBlkR1
He has raging tantrums when he doesnt get what he wants and mommy caves alot . . .


Not good. You don't want the kid to end up like me: angry most of the time with a violent, destructive temper. But hey, it worked great to get whatever I wanted as a small child. There may have been a genetic component to that too, but it can't help that the behavior was encouraged with reward. I wouldn't wish my disposition on any child.


Part of your anger is environmental. You need to move some place warm near the ocean with no bugs. You'll be happy as a clam once you get out of the snowy woods.
 
Originally Posted By: Al
Originally Posted By: Rock_Hudstone

I think some of the best advice so far was to perhaps have another child and soon, "focus split between two or more kids and all that".

Worst advice given since the creation of the universe.

Funny to mention universe since a spoiled only child may believe they are the center of said universe.

However, the boy is only two years so I guess he can be cut some slack for now. On the other hand, mommys behavior does not bode well.
 
My pediatrician said it best "untill there 12 months just love them, love them, love them" and "after 12 months continue to love them and start to teach them, and disapline them when its necessary" always be a parent FIRST and a friend to your child second. When there grown and on there own its ok to become a best friend to your kids.. but youl always be mom and dad.

I grew up getting spankings when i was bad, my mouth washed out when i cursed or lied or anything foul came out, i filled tablets with "I will not XXXXX" dozens of times, I was grounded many times. I didnt get free weekly cash, i worked for most everything. At 13 i got my first job in a pizza place (small town nobody cared) and ive worked hard and been a fairly honest, good to my neighbors, tax paying, god fearing citizen my whole adult life.
Times have changed some and i will change with them, but my boy will have a similiar upbringing to mine and i hope when its done he is more successfull than me and can reflect back and appreciate his upbringing.. I dont hate my father, he's my best friend today, i thank him for what he instilled in me.. spankings and all...
 
When my daughter had her second kid he got to where he would bite his sister. They tried the different routes of placing him in time out and the like and when we told them to do the same to him as he did to his sister they thought it was terrible. Funny though now they also bite him when he bites, washes his mouth out with soap when he says something bad and so on. I gave him a little swat one time and he thought I was the worst person in the world.
 
Originally Posted By: 65cuda
When my daughter had her second kid he got to where he would bite his sister. They tried the different routes of placing him in time out and the like and when we told them to do the same to him as he did to his sister they thought it was terrible. Funny though now they also bite him when he bites, washes his mouth out with soap when he says something bad and so on. I gave him a little swat one time and he thought I was the worst person in the world.


theres a huge difference between a parent spanking there child and a child getting a beating, I was never "Beat" as a kid, i got the belt or the paddle and several swats depending on what i had done, Never had a parent throw a vicious emotional charged whipping on me, As a matter of fact most of the time i was given a choice of multiple punishments and if a spanking was what i chose, dad would let time pass before i got my "licks" I see alot of wisdom in that now..
 
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