Lost my brother yesterday

My sincerest condolences, Donald.

It's still fresh and it hurts.

I have no doubt his immediate family had all the advice of the Doctors weighed in their decision, and no doubt knowing your brothers wishes was the main factor.

Sometimes all the medical professionals can do is delay the inevitable, at the cost of more pain and suffering for the patient, and the family who has to watch this all play out.

I had to make the final call for both of my parents. I second-guessed my decisions for awhile afterward. But in hindsight I recognize that ultimately what I decided put an end to their unnecessary suffering, of being kept 'alive' for a little while longer by machines. Laying in a hospital being kept alive by machines, is no kind of life.

I truly hope and pray that you can find peace, in knowing your brother is no longer suffering.
 
Always tough to have a family member pass & you're old enough to have gone through this before (losing family).
Do your best to stay in good health, rest, eating etc. to help better cope with the loss.

To me life is beautiful. I don't go to any places after this but that's what makes it more valuable. Do & treat others like this is the last run.

Keep thinking about the good memories.
 
Donald said:
I had posted a few months ago that my brother had a stroke and was in the hospital. He made some progress with recovery in the hospital. Was then moved to a stroke rehab place and was there for a few weeks but caught an infection which turned into sepsis and was moved back to the hospital ICU. He was given various drugs to deal with sepsis and put on a ventilator. I thought we was making progres with sepsis.

His family felt he was going through hell and had the ventilator disconnected and he passed soon after.

I think they acted too quickly to disconnect the ventilator and should have given the antibiotics for sepsis a chance. But I was not part of the decision process.

So both sad and upset.

He was 74.

He lived on Nantucket during the school year and taught at the public school. So getting medical treatment for a heart attack or stroke means being flown to Boston which will certainly delay getting the proper treatment.

I sincerely hope he is in a better place.
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Losing a sibling or parent, especially at advanced age, brings up a lifetime of memories...and makes decisions more difficult...sounds like you were right in being a bystander in the decision making process but that doesn't make it easier. Suffering from a stroke can really suck. Take it easy on yourself and embrace the grief...it will move on... in time.
 
Donald said:
I had posted a few months ago that my brother had a stroke and was in the hospital. He made some progress with recovery in the hospital. Was then moved to a stroke rehab place and was there for a few weeks but caught an infection which turned into sepsis and was moved back to the hospital ICU. He was given various drugs to deal with sepsis and put on a ventilator. I thought we was making progres with sepsis.

His family felt he was going through hell and had the ventilator disconnected and he passed soon after.

I think they acted too quickly to disconnect the ventilator and should have given the antibiotics for sepsis a chance. But I was not part of the decision process.

So both sad and upset.

He was 74.

He lived on Nantucket during the school year and taught at the public school. So getting medical treatment for a heart attack or stroke means being flown to Boston which will certainly delay getting the proper treatment.

I sincerely hope he is in a better place.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear that. Most hospitals will issue a sepsis alert if there is an issue.
 
Donald said:
Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. Still processing all my emotions. It will take awhile.
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I put my father on a ventilator , looked like a rag doll. He was on it about 2 weeks, never regaining conscious, and could not pass the tests to remove.

The Doctors would not take him off, so I had to sign him over to Hospice, to remove, they said he'd likely die. He did not, he regained consciousness , and then the Hospital kicked him out. Had to move to a Nursing home. He improved enough to stand and walk with assistance and , but now requires 24 hour care , for showering , bathroom or getting out of bed.

Nursing homes cost about 6 to $8000 per month, room and board. Either you write a check or all the Patients assets are awarded to state, to pay for. Now my father had enough money for a few years of that, without selling assets. But I had a Brother who does not work a Job, so he took him in, saving that cost, but he's done it for near a year. I suspect thats getting Old, and my father has Plateaued condition and not getting any better.

I dont know your brothers financial, but my mother costed about $30 grand to bury, my father will be another 20 grand (plot paid for). Luckily they had the money. This is simple burial , nothing fancy.


Sorry to hear of your Brother
 
As one grows older, attending more funerals grows also. I attended one last week for a very respected colleague and friend that I considered a legend in our career field and a legend as a good person.

Sadness and bittersweet memories - I absolutely love to reminisce. My new attempted practice is to choose an inspirational trait of that person and embrace and emulate it. What better way to honor and carry a person's influence forward? Enjoy your good memories Donald.
 
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