Same here. The people that work with me, and I use the term loosely here, drive me nuts and the last thing I want to do with my free time is spend it with them. In addition, I have close to a 2-hour commute, so if I stayed after work for socializing, I'd be getting home that much later. Not worth it for people who I wouldn't miss if they disappeared tomorrow.
Less "social" as I get older....
- Thread starter Pablo
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I don't mind people but I'm slowly getting there and I'm in my late 20s.
Originally Posted By: Pablo
Lemme put it this way: I get my fill of people during the day. I have a very very stressful job interacting with people from all levels almost constantly.
I'm not grumpy or depressed, hateful or otherwise antisocial, but it seems when I was 18-40 I craved socializing, now - it's like I want to be with just my wife, or my kid or maybe one other buddy and to be totally honest people exhaust me. I mean if I go to some soiree or even an office social meeting I come home stinking tired and want to be alone.
Is this normal? It only makes me crave retirement even more!! I can see myself living off the land.
I'm at that point and only 32.
The only time I ever spent a significant amount of time socializing with coworkers after hours was when I worked in corrections. I attribute that in part to the fact that we all worked as a team and depended on one another for our safety/lives and that when we needed to blow off steam it seemed easier to do when around other people in the same boat.
Lemme put it this way: I get my fill of people during the day. I have a very very stressful job interacting with people from all levels almost constantly.
I'm not grumpy or depressed, hateful or otherwise antisocial, but it seems when I was 18-40 I craved socializing, now - it's like I want to be with just my wife, or my kid or maybe one other buddy and to be totally honest people exhaust me. I mean if I go to some soiree or even an office social meeting I come home stinking tired and want to be alone.
Is this normal? It only makes me crave retirement even more!! I can see myself living off the land.
I'm at that point and only 32.
The only time I ever spent a significant amount of time socializing with coworkers after hours was when I worked in corrections. I attribute that in part to the fact that we all worked as a team and depended on one another for our safety/lives and that when we needed to blow off steam it seemed easier to do when around other people in the same boat.
I think once you realise that that the people around you want more from you than they are prepared to put on the table, you can either decide to play their game, and keep providing the service, or get back to the people who do (instinctively, because they like/love you, whatever) give back without asking...and these days, and in my situation, that's the nuclear family.
I love helping people to learn and evolve, showing them a path to learning, but these days everyone wants the answer, the task done, and not the work or mental effort to get there...but I don't want to hold, let alone carry your monkey for you.
I think the monkey is where society has lost it's way the last 30 years. Extended family used to be the norm, and the monkeys were shared out of working hours...and without mobile phones, smart phones, computers, and instant communication work would at least keep the monkey in the cage or in the air until the next reasonable period of time, and demands were on a paper memorandum with a distribution list rather than stream of consciousness "I need this, and need it now, but won't think myself for at least another week".
One could almost term it psychic vampirism...probably without either psychic or vampirism, just human nature of choosing the easiest path.
I love helping people to learn and evolve, showing them a path to learning, but these days everyone wants the answer, the task done, and not the work or mental effort to get there...but I don't want to hold, let alone carry your monkey for you.
I think the monkey is where society has lost it's way the last 30 years. Extended family used to be the norm, and the monkeys were shared out of working hours...and without mobile phones, smart phones, computers, and instant communication work would at least keep the monkey in the cage or in the air until the next reasonable period of time, and demands were on a paper memorandum with a distribution list rather than stream of consciousness "I need this, and need it now, but won't think myself for at least another week".
One could almost term it psychic vampirism...probably without either psychic or vampirism, just human nature of choosing the easiest path.
Perhaps it comes from getting what you need at home.
I'm sure there are those who DO NOT have a fulfilling home life that look at it in the opposite way. They want to socialize because they perceive something is missing at home.
I suspect you have a great family, you feel safe and secure and fulfilled at home, so the need to socialize with others really isn't there.
Take that away, and perhaps your view would be different?
But I agree, people can wear you out. Just tonight I was dealing with "Peggy" working a computer issue for a customer. It sure is draining when a good portion of the work day is trying to find a way to explain something in a fashion "Peggy" understands so he can answer you.
The exchange tonight was as follows:
Me: Do you have a US phone number? I cannot call you on the international number that came up on my cell phone.
Peggy: Yes we are having errors with the storage array. It is disk number 03.
Me: I know which disk is suspect, what number can I use to call you?
Peggy: Yes, you can call me when you are on-site.
It only takes about 60 seconds of this now and I'm worn out. Something that is a simple hot-swappable disk is becoming something I dread.
I'm sure Peggy is a nice enough guy. He's just trying to support his family in Bangalore, so I try to not hold it against him. I'm sure he's frustrated and scared too. He doesn't really understand. He may or may not be fully trained on the task. He has no idea if the guy or gal in the US doing the work knows anything or not. If something goes wrong, there are probably 10 other "Peggys" ready to take his job.
So I try to put myself in his shoes/sandals.
Still, it's tiring, and I look forward to some alone time as well as time with my family.
I'm sure there are those who DO NOT have a fulfilling home life that look at it in the opposite way. They want to socialize because they perceive something is missing at home.
I suspect you have a great family, you feel safe and secure and fulfilled at home, so the need to socialize with others really isn't there.
Take that away, and perhaps your view would be different?
But I agree, people can wear you out. Just tonight I was dealing with "Peggy" working a computer issue for a customer. It sure is draining when a good portion of the work day is trying to find a way to explain something in a fashion "Peggy" understands so he can answer you.
The exchange tonight was as follows:
Me: Do you have a US phone number? I cannot call you on the international number that came up on my cell phone.
Peggy: Yes we are having errors with the storage array. It is disk number 03.
Me: I know which disk is suspect, what number can I use to call you?
Peggy: Yes, you can call me when you are on-site.
It only takes about 60 seconds of this now and I'm worn out. Something that is a simple hot-swappable disk is becoming something I dread.
I'm sure Peggy is a nice enough guy. He's just trying to support his family in Bangalore, so I try to not hold it against him. I'm sure he's frustrated and scared too. He doesn't really understand. He may or may not be fully trained on the task. He has no idea if the guy or gal in the US doing the work knows anything or not. If something goes wrong, there are probably 10 other "Peggys" ready to take his job.
So I try to put myself in his shoes/sandals.
Still, it's tiring, and I look forward to some alone time as well as time with my family.
Yep, Pablo, same here.
Am 51 now, I can retire from "corporate" work if I want. Even though a 26 person company I'm at now is not corporate per se....
Wife's work can handle the insurance. I can now do something of "different significance".
Hummm...
Am 51 now, I can retire from "corporate" work if I want. Even though a 26 person company I'm at now is not corporate per se....
Wife's work can handle the insurance. I can now do something of "different significance".
Hummm...
Pablo: What I find tiring is being PC. If you are a"gun guy", add oilfreak you have to be in a class of people who constantly have to mind your Ps&Qs. This is stress and unknown to you csuses anxiety.
Do you mind the social talk at the gun range or the garage?
About 2cents worth
Do you mind the social talk at the gun range or the garage?
About 2cents worth
I rather enjoy interacting with a variety of people. I work closely with some overseas programmers almost on a daily basis (not in person), and at the winery we frequently hold evening events, especially in the summer. Some are open to the public, others are private events, and I'm usually there for most of them. We're also part of the local therapy dog program and, at least once a week take the dogs out to local hospitals, retirement/assisted living centers or other similar venues. We also try to go dancing at least 2-3 times a month.
The key is that my wife and I attend most of the functions together, so it's a great way to spend time together, rather than be plopped in front of a television or some other sort of mundane activity.
The key is that my wife and I attend most of the functions together, so it's a great way to spend time together, rather than be plopped in front of a television or some other sort of mundane activity.
Originally Posted By: Pablo
Lemme put it this way: I get my fill of people during the day. I have a very very stressful job interacting with people from all levels almost constantly.
I'm not grumpy or depressed, hateful or otherwise antisocial, but it seems when I was 18-40 I craved socializing, now - it's like I want to be with just my wife, or my kid or maybe one other buddy and to be totally honest people exhaust me. I mean if I go to some soiree or even an office social meeting I come home stinking tired and want to be alone.
Is this normal? It only makes me crave retirement even more!! I can see myself living off the land.
It's normal. As people age, their brain functionality changes. They become inpatient and less tolerant of everyday B. S.
Lemme put it this way: I get my fill of people during the day. I have a very very stressful job interacting with people from all levels almost constantly.
I'm not grumpy or depressed, hateful or otherwise antisocial, but it seems when I was 18-40 I craved socializing, now - it's like I want to be with just my wife, or my kid or maybe one other buddy and to be totally honest people exhaust me. I mean if I go to some soiree or even an office social meeting I come home stinking tired and want to be alone.
Is this normal? It only makes me crave retirement even more!! I can see myself living off the land.
It's normal. As people age, their brain functionality changes. They become inpatient and less tolerant of everyday B. S.
Not quite 30 and I'm with you. I'd add that going to any large social function (weddings are the big one at my age) is particularly draining. I can take about an hour just being around that many people and then I want to be alone or with several other people, no more. That applies to all weddings, including my own!
Clark
Clark
I'm almost 50 and "have" to be somewhat sociable because of church (play drums and run the sound system) and I have a 8 year old daughter in 2nd grade that is involved with a lot of programs that I have to attend. I can't wait to get out of there most of the times. Wife is "antsy" i.e. "why don't you want to go anywhere?" kind of stuff. She's 7 years younger than I. To be, being social now is like working. Example...let's go to Seaworld. Well, I have to plan, load up, pack and unpack, get tickets, find the route, drive it, pay the bills, plan other places to go and find other places to eat, etc. etc. it IS NOT a vacation by any stretch of the imagination. Then, if things to go right as I had planned (and they never do) they get mad at you. It's just not any fun anymore. I love Friday nights when everyone goes to bed and I can sit down with my dog, drink a few homebrews and watch what ever I want. 20 years ago, I would be laughing at myself right now.
I'm getting close to 50 and feel the same way as you....maybe even more so. I do not enjoy the vast majority of people I encounter on a daily basis....nor do I desire to become part of a social group. I am not particularly intelligent or intellectual in habit, yet I find that 99% of what most people talk about to be a journey through the bowels of complete boredom. Whether it be endless discussions about football....meaningless drivel about the next 'American Idol'.....or that suicidal invoking topic of the GRANDCHILDREN. Somebody get me a barf bag.
Online groups CAN be just as insufferable....but Bitog isn't one. I do enjoy this website. Most other websites however aren't worthy of contribution.
Online groups CAN be just as insufferable....but Bitog isn't one. I do enjoy this website. Most other websites however aren't worthy of contribution.
Originally Posted By: Schmoe
I'm almost 50 and "have" to be somewhat sociable because of church (play drums and run the sound system) and I have a 8 year old daughter in 2nd grade that is involved with a lot of programs that I have to attend. I can't wait to get out of there most of the times. Wife is "antsy" i.e. "why don't you want to go anywhere?" kind of stuff. She's 7 years younger than I. To be, being social now is like working. Example...let's go to Seaworld. Well, I have to plan, load up, pack and unpack, get tickets, find the route, drive it, pay the bills, plan other places to go and find other places to eat, etc. etc. it IS NOT a vacation by any stretch of the imagination. Then, if things to go right as I had planned (and they never do) they get mad at you. It's just not any fun anymore. I love Friday nights when everyone goes to bed and I can sit down with my dog, drink a few homebrews and watch what ever I want. 20 years ago, I would be laughing at myself right now.
Wow....love your post. I could almost feel your pain. It's tough trying to please everyone and often leads to a desire of solitude.
I'm almost 50 and "have" to be somewhat sociable because of church (play drums and run the sound system) and I have a 8 year old daughter in 2nd grade that is involved with a lot of programs that I have to attend. I can't wait to get out of there most of the times. Wife is "antsy" i.e. "why don't you want to go anywhere?" kind of stuff. She's 7 years younger than I. To be, being social now is like working. Example...let's go to Seaworld. Well, I have to plan, load up, pack and unpack, get tickets, find the route, drive it, pay the bills, plan other places to go and find other places to eat, etc. etc. it IS NOT a vacation by any stretch of the imagination. Then, if things to go right as I had planned (and they never do) they get mad at you. It's just not any fun anymore. I love Friday nights when everyone goes to bed and I can sit down with my dog, drink a few homebrews and watch what ever I want. 20 years ago, I would be laughing at myself right now.
Wow....love your post. I could almost feel your pain. It's tough trying to please everyone and often leads to a desire of solitude.
My hangup seems to be, With people come 'Obligations'
I can be nice and pleasant with someone, but that should not mean I should feel obliged to have dinner with them at the weekend etc.
Kind of: "You're a nice guy, but, you live your life, I'll live mine, I'll be glad to see you when if meet. But that's it!"
When you get to middle age, it seems you gather more social Obligations than you can possibly for-fill (or want to, if you want a REAL life) So you risk being classed as Anti-social.
I can be nice and pleasant with someone, but that should not mean I should feel obliged to have dinner with them at the weekend etc.
Kind of: "You're a nice guy, but, you live your life, I'll live mine, I'll be glad to see you when if meet. But that's it!"
When you get to middle age, it seems you gather more social Obligations than you can possibly for-fill (or want to, if you want a REAL life) So you risk being classed as Anti-social.
Check your testosterone level.
Originally Posted By: Schmoe
I'm almost 50 and "have" to be somewhat sociable because of church (play drums and run the sound system) and I have a 8 year old daughter in 2nd grade that is involved with a lot of programs that I have to attend. I can't wait to get out of there most of the times. Wife is "antsy" i.e. "why don't you want to go anywhere?" kind of stuff. She's 7 years younger than I. To be, being social now is like working. Example...let's go to Seaworld. Well, I have to plan, load up, pack and unpack, get tickets, find the route, drive it, pay the bills, plan other places to go and find other places to eat, etc. etc. it IS NOT a vacation by any stretch of the imagination. Then, if things to go right as I had planned (and they never do) they get mad at you. It's just not any fun anymore. I love Friday nights when everyone goes to bed and I can sit down with my dog, drink a few homebrews and watch what ever I want. 20 years ago, I would be laughing at myself right now.
Hehe... that sums up my feelings as well. I was never particularly social to begin with. Wife made me somewhat more social, but I'm still perfectly fine just relaxing at home. I don't mind going out with friends once a week, but if she schedules something 3 times a week (fri, sat, sun), I get cranky. I mean, if we just saw the same friends the day before and we caught up on what's new in our lives, then what are we going to talk about the following night?
I'm almost 50 and "have" to be somewhat sociable because of church (play drums and run the sound system) and I have a 8 year old daughter in 2nd grade that is involved with a lot of programs that I have to attend. I can't wait to get out of there most of the times. Wife is "antsy" i.e. "why don't you want to go anywhere?" kind of stuff. She's 7 years younger than I. To be, being social now is like working. Example...let's go to Seaworld. Well, I have to plan, load up, pack and unpack, get tickets, find the route, drive it, pay the bills, plan other places to go and find other places to eat, etc. etc. it IS NOT a vacation by any stretch of the imagination. Then, if things to go right as I had planned (and they never do) they get mad at you. It's just not any fun anymore. I love Friday nights when everyone goes to bed and I can sit down with my dog, drink a few homebrews and watch what ever I want. 20 years ago, I would be laughing at myself right now.
Hehe... that sums up my feelings as well. I was never particularly social to begin with. Wife made me somewhat more social, but I'm still perfectly fine just relaxing at home. I don't mind going out with friends once a week, but if she schedules something 3 times a week (fri, sat, sun), I get cranky. I mean, if we just saw the same friends the day before and we caught up on what's new in our lives, then what are we going to talk about the following night?
After a day's work, I drive down my driveway saying " there's no place like home, there's no place like home."
I'm 59...play drums twice a month in a social setting.....and enjoy the fellowship of people at church and at the local Lions Club where I am club secretary. I have found that the more people you meet....doors open for some kind of opportunity...once you get to know them.
Maybe in another 10 years....I won't be so sociable....
Maybe in another 10 years....I won't be so sociable....
I like being alone alot, still love seeing my grown kids and I can tolerate my wife most days.
I dread the holidays coming and the long days of visiting with relatives, I mean I like them and all but why do we have to stay over there house for 6-8 hours on thanksgiving and xmas? And this year we are hosting, so 30 people at my small house all darn day and night sitting around talking about nothing that matters.
I dread the holidays coming and the long days of visiting with relatives, I mean I like them and all but why do we have to stay over there house for 6-8 hours on thanksgiving and xmas? And this year we are hosting, so 30 people at my small house all darn day and night sitting around talking about nothing that matters.
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