How do you tell the difference between where a lawyer has been ran over by a car and a snake has been ran over by a car? There’s skid marks right before the snake!
A lawyer and a priest die and go to heaven. St. Peter is giving them the tour, and shows the lawyer to a huge luxurious room with a soft bed and silk sheets. Then he shows the priest to a 6x10 cell with a cot and a hard wooden chair. The priest protests that he should get such a spartan room after spending a lifetime serving God, and St. Peter replies "Listen, we have thousands of priests up here, but he's our first lawyer!"