Just lost my dad.

R

R18Civic

Joined
Jan 14, 2017
Messages
1,798
I'm not sure sure how to feel. Visited him for the first time in 23 years three weeks ago. Was told he was terminal then and cried so many times between then and last Saturday that when I did get the call that this was likely his last days I couldn't cry anymore. All of my aunts and I left except for 1 so he wouldn't be alone on Sunday. I was planning on returning tomorrow but got a call at work saying he took a turn for the worst and I needed he make the 3 hour drive ASAP. I'm the process of packing I was told he passed quickly and painlessly. I'm not sure what to feel right now. I'm just kind of numb.

Am I normal?
 
I'm truly sorry for your loss. Its one of those defining times in life. My dad suffered with Parkinson for years in and out of the hospital, its also how I hurt my back trying to take care of him. You're absolutely normal, your life is gonna be like a roller coaster for awhile, do the best you can to hang on. I wish there was something more i could say to help you but its one of the toughest possible things you'll go through in life for most people.
 
I barely saw my Mom for more than a day in the last 20 years before she passed. I had mixed feelings about it but she chose her path and chose to leave, no one forced her and in fact my sister begged her not too. In the last few years before her death when I learned she was battling cancer I mellowed a bit, same when we went to my sister's wedding.

When I got the call same as you that since the cancer spread she wasn't doing well I went out immediately to see her even asking my wife if it was the right thing to do.

My wife plainly said "If you don't you will regret it because I know you. You will have no one else to blame but yourself and you will ruin whatever relationship you have with your sister." I did the right thing in my situation. She recognized me and lit up for a small amount of time before going unconscious. She died the next day as I was driving back home. All the emotions you'd expect.

My big thing that I had to deal with is accepting that she is mother even if she pretended not to be for the last 20 years. My previously deceased Aunt filled that role. Her dying destroyed me for weeks.

We all do it in our own way. There is no right or wrong.
 
Don't worry you're normal. It doesn't always hit at first. It didn't hit me at first then it sunk in once I grasped that was it and I'll never see them again. To this day it still feels surreal having vivid happy young memories from long ago of now long dead faces as I'm older but I try not to think about it. Sorry for your loss, i hope you and your family will be alright.
 
Nothing you described sounds abnormal. In fact, you sound very normal.
I am sorry that you lost your dad.
I lost mine when I was 21. I found him passed away unexpectedly. When I told my mom, I had to catch her weight to keep her on her feet. I immediately determined that everything was going to be okay, and that we'd make it through as I tried to reassure her.

Many years later I became very emotional about his death.

How people should react isn't set in stone. Far from it.

Take things one day at a time, and don't make any big decisions for awhile.
 
Sorry to hear this. Losing a parent is hard.

Lost my dad a few years ago. It was a long drawn out battle with alzheimer's disease, parkinson's disease and some other issues. For us it was a relief. At first I felt guilty about how I felt --- I should not have felt relief for such a good father and husband, but with his suffering it really was the best for him.

I don't think I shed a single tear throughout the whole thing. What we went through was not fair. A month later we watched the movie His Three Daughters. A wonderful job of portraying the last few days of someone's life. I made it almost all the way to the end, and then there was one scene that just did me in.

You may feel it someday. You may not. There's no right or wrong way.
 
So sorry for your loss. I just said a prayer for you and your father. May he rest in peace. Both of my parents went slowly and I had a couple years of knowing they were slowly dying and it was not a shock but something I got used to. I think you did the right thing by seeing him.
 
R18Civic said:
I'm not sure sure how to feel. Visited him for the first time in 23 years three weeks ago. Was told he was terminal then and cried so many times between then and last Saturday that when I did get the call that this was likely his last days I couldn't cry anymore. All of my aunts and I left except for 1 so he wouldn't be alone on Sunday. I was planning on returning tomorrow but got a call at work saying he took a turn for the worst and I needed he make the 3 hour drive ASAP. I'm the process of packing I was told he passed quickly and painlessly. I'm not sure what to feel right now. I'm just kind of numb.

Am I normal?
Click to expand...
Perfectly normal; don't worry about it. Everybody deals with these things in their own way. Condolences to you and yours.
 
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