I cant find happiness in my life anymore

[GROUCHO MARX]

Originally Posted By: DemoFly
I only had mostly one game, Guild Wars. And then I added a second which was League of Legends.

Both horrifically addicting, 15k hours in guild wars alone over 7 years. League of legends, meh. I played it because my friends played it and the moba design is probably the most addicting type of game you can get. Adrenaline, pvp, you have to play a TON just to unlock stuff, games are decided primarily through matchmaking so you are essentially gambling everytime you play...

Horribly addicting. Everyone I know who plays it has spent over $200 on the microtransactions, and has played for at least 500 hours.

Whats so grim is that parents are now embracing video games with kids because video games "shut them up" or "keep them distracted". Like someone else said in this thread, the next generation is going to be a sea of walking zombies that don't know how to interact.


I'm rooting for you fella. You're halfway home because you realize something's not right.

 

[SwampSurvivor]

I never thought I'd give dating advice on an oil forum ...

I agree with what others are saying; you have to be in good shape before you should start dating again. Otherwise, you're setting the relationship up to fail or never to start.

The best thing to start a relationship is to let it happen on its own. I met someone in June of last year. It just happened - neither of us were really looking. It developed on its own naturally and slowly. If you go into it with no preconceived outcomes, it will end better.

Desperation is the worst. I have a few friends who want a relationship (most people would), but it really shows. I can tell they're desperate and, well, for obvious reasons, I'm not interested in dating them ... but even I can tell they're desperate.

If you meet someone and come off as desperate, it's going to make them run away.

Get yourself on solid ground and then start lookin.

 

[friendly_jacek]

Originally Posted By: Carnoobie


Well heres something that may surprise everyone. I actually only have 1 game - I sold off the rest over the past 6 months.


Well, when I was addicted to online gaming, it was just one game: BF1942. Yes that was a lot of time ago and I'm cured (no games for me, the real life seems like enough gaming). I can tell that my family life and carrier suffered a lot then. Now, if I can beat my addiction to BITOG, sigh...

One has to eliminate all distractions and crutches like gaming, TV, drugs, gambling, etc, and deal directly with unanswered life issues (whether that is relationships, work, etc). Talking about those issues to family, priests, psychologists would not hurt.

Now, if one lost a purpose in life, volunteering and missionary trips should fix that. I have a work that faces me with very sick people everyday and that gives me a good perspective in life.

 

[TMoto]

Originally Posted By: doitmyself
No offense, TMoto, but this is my second great pet peave about healing one self. There are way to many self appointed "experts" out there publishing "10 Steps to Happiness" books, just like dieting (exercise/reduce calories, duh).

IF someone has true clinical depression (not just temporary sadness), it takes more than magic pills and self help books. I emphasize IF, and, I certainly don't won't to play down good, uplifting reading material. I LOVE to hang out at libraries.

This discussion has come full circle for me. I hope Carnoobie follows through one way or another. He will wonder what hit him (in a good way) when he conquers this.

Best to you my friend.

I agree with you doitmyself, and I was only offering a suggestion that may be a piece to the whole puzzle. I don't believe there will be one solution here, and it certainly won't be a quick 10-step process. Just like there are self-appointed experts on internet forums, one needs to get out there and wade through the nonsense to find what works for one's self.

I would say getting outside into some sunshine would be good. Walking would also be good. Finding and reading an interesting book to read can be good, whether it be self-help, fiction, or how to rebuild a TH350. Heck, even a magazine can help, but it's kind of like going to church. A good church can be great and a part of the process, but a bad one will only cause more pain. All I was offering was another suggestion among the many I felt were good.

[/derail]

 

[SteveSRT8]

No one specific method or "cure" works for everyone.

What heals one person may kill the next.

One thing is for certain, it is up to YOU to heal yourself!

 

[Bladecutter]

Carnoobie,

Here's something else to try to help beat the video game obsession:

Buy a bicycle.

When you're at home, and feeling unhappy, and want to blow off steam, instead of logging into the game, go out, and ride around until you're tired.

Make small goals, like getting to the next town over.
Then stretch them to 3 towns over.

Then build up to several towns in a loop.
Then start timing them, and see how long you need to make that loop, and try to take time off of it by the end of every month.

This will help you in several ways.
Your health will improve, not only from the exercise, but just from being outdoors instead on inside. With a healthier body, your personal view of yourself will improve. That will make you more attractive to other people.

Over time, you can hunt down bicycle clubs, and join in the fun, meet new people who do something completely different than you currently know, and that view life differently than you do.

A bicycle is a really good way to shake things up in your head, and in your body. And it has no ill effects, unless you fall down and go boom.

BC.

 

[Rock_Hudstone]

Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
before where i was buying 3-4 games a month. This year ive boughten zero.

Now don't go getting depressed on me, but "boughten"?!?

 

[Pablo]

Originally Posted By: Rock_Hudstone

Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
before where i was buying 3-4 games a month. This year ive boughten zero.

Now don't go getting depressed on me, but "boughten"?!?


Comeon. Livealittle. Make up a word!!

 

[Carnoobie]

Sorry for taking awhile to reply, Im still here, just in a bad mood today. Been really stressed out lately. Really too much stuff bothering me on my mind. Hoping this Sunday I can have some fun.

Originally Posted By: Miller88
I never thought I'd give dating advice on an oil forum ...

I agree with what others are saying; you have to be in good shape before you should start dating again. Otherwise, you're setting the relationship up to fail or never to start.

The best thing to start a relationship is to let it happen on its own. I met someone in June of last year. It just happened - neither of us were really looking. It developed on its own naturally and slowly. If you go into it with no preconceived outcomes, it will end better.

Desperation is the worst. I have a few friends who want a relationship (most people would), but it really shows. I can tell they're desperate and, well, for obvious reasons, I'm not interested in dating them ... but even I can tell they're desperate.

If you meet someone and come off as desperate, it's going to make them run away.

Get yourself on solid ground and then start lookin.


Though sometimes its hard and i can feel it start to creep in, Im not desperate. Wont allow myself to be.

Originally Posted By: Bladecutter
Carnoobie,

Here's something else to try to help beat the video game obsession:

Buy a bicycle.


Bad news, I had one but sold it just a month ago cause i lost interest in it. Go figure...

I dont have a video game obsession, not anymore cause ive noticed my interest in it over the past couple years greatly cut back. Same with movies. What caused this? I have a new interest - cars. Its just the one game I currently have and play. Ive thought about selling it and my xbox (while keeping my ps3) just to see if I could do it but I dont think I can cause when i fire up the game it makes me smile.

But trust me, Ive considered taking steep moves like selling one of my gaming consoles or my 5.1 or my ipad or some of my toys. Some i have (like all my games and movies), but some i cant.

 

[aquariuscsm]

Are there any really nice and scenic state parks near you? There`s nothing better than being out in nature`s beauty. Maybe go for a nice long hike. I love doing stuff like that! Hiking through the woods or hiking along a river are among my favorite things to do.

 

[ethangsmith]

I was heading down this path until I decided to make a change. I was in a more-or-less dead end job and I've decided to take a risk. I am leaving my job to pursue what I've always wanted to do. I'm not too far off from your age (I'm 28) and I figure now is the time to take that risk! I am leaving the automotive industry to pursue a career in distilling whiskey. I joined up with a few other people and we will be opening a small distillery in the Susquehanna Valley of Pennsylvania. Along with the distilling, we want to tell the story of whiskey and it's relationship to the colonial days of Pennsylvania. It will be a totally unique experience for visitors!

Keep your head up. If you're in a dead end job and don't like it, you can always change. Pursue something that has your interest and will make you feel accomplished at the end of the day!

 

[Carnoobie]

Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
Are there any really nice and scenic state parks near you? There`s nothing better than being out in nature`s beauty. Maybe go for a nice long hike. I love doing stuff like that! Hiking through the woods or hiking along a river are among my favorite things to do.


I have a very large lake behind my house (a block behind) and couple even nicer ones not far behind. I used to always go walk and bike on it in the summer by myself. Like 3-4 times a week sometimes more.

And im goimg to church tommorow! Im anxious, hope it goes well and i meet some nice folks.

 

[Slick17601]

Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
Are there any really nice and scenic state parks near you? There`s nothing better than being out in nature`s beauty. Maybe go for a nice long hike. I love doing stuff like that! Hiking through the woods or hiking along a river are among my favorite things to do.


I have a very large lake behind my house (a block behind) and couple even nicer ones not far behind. I used to always go walk and bike on it in the summer by myself. Like 3-4 times a week sometimes more.

And im goimg to church tommorow! Im anxious, hope it goes well and i meet some nice folks.


Great to hear. It may be overwhelming at first but give it a few weeks and you will find youself looking forward to church every week.

 

[Carnoobie]

Originally Posted By: Slick17601
Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
Are there any really nice and scenic state parks near you? There`s nothing better than being out in nature`s beauty. Maybe go for a nice long hike. I love doing stuff like that! Hiking through the woods or hiking along a river are among my favorite things to do.


I have a very large lake behind my house (a block behind) and couple even nicer ones not far behind. I used to always go walk and bike on it in the summer by myself. Like 3-4 times a week sometimes more.

And im goimg to church tommorow! Im anxious, hope it goes well and i meet some nice folks.


Ill be honest im nervous and will be more wheni show up tommorow. I hope i donnt have to get super dressed up for it.
Great to hear. It may be overwhelming at first but give it a few weeks and you will find youself looking forward to church every week.

 

[Cogito]

You said you have been single for 3 years. How long were you married? I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself to get friends or g/fs. Don't let your relatives' opinions influence you, it's your life and you need to do what feels right for you, not them. Just let it happen at its own pace and I think you'll be OK.

I'm with you on the church thing. I think most people you meet there are probably expecting you to share their outlooks on that subject, and if you're not into God, they may wonder what you're doing there. Also, I get very annoyed when others try to jam their beliefs on me and won't take 'no' for an answer. Anyway, I wish you good luck!

 

[aquariuscsm]

Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
Are there any really nice and scenic state parks near you? There`s nothing better than being out in nature`s beauty. Maybe go for a nice long hike. I love doing stuff like that! Hiking through the woods or hiking along a river are among my favorite things to do.


I have a very large lake behind my house (a block behind) and couple even nicer ones not far behind. I used to always go walk and bike on it in the summer by myself. Like 3-4 times a week sometimes more.


^^Ok,Carnoobie now I`m jealous! My closest lake is a 45 min drive :^( I absolutely LOVE hiking at the lake! Last summer we had a really bad drought here in Texas and the lake almost completely dried up! We could literally walk all the way across it at certain spots. It was a total trip! Go enjoy that beautiful lake Carnoobie! Sounds like you live in an awesome location! Pack yourself a picnic lunch,go for a long hike,and just take in nature`s beauty.

 

[Drew99GT]

I've been reluctant to chime in to this thread as I also suffer from many of the problems that have been discussed in this thread. Suffice it to say, I'm pretty screwed up! But, at some point, you have to embrace who are are, where you're coming from, and where you'd like to go in life.

I've been diagnosed with major depression and social anxiety disorder. I've unfortunately fallen into the trap of addiction at various points in my life. I guess you could say, I'm not a "people person".

I've come to discover and accept the fact that I am who I am and I actually like and enjoy kind of being a loner. I have a small group close friends but I never go to parties or social events where just being social is the point of the gathering. If it's a neighbor grilling out that wants to have a beer and discuss current events, I'm all about that though.

I as well was at a point in my life where simply getting out of the house to go grocery shopping was a hellish task, but once I accepted that I have problems and I'm, well, a social weirdo, it's made things much better for me. For me, my life, and society in general is best looked at as a comedy. Sometimes a dark comedy. The best therapy in life for me is being able to laugh at life, and especially yourself!

I dunno. I've found that you just have to be yourself. At a fundamental, internal level, you are who you are. I tried prescription meds for about a week and did not like them one bit.

You can try and make friends with everyone and be a social butterfly, but if you naturally aren't, you have to kind of embrace it and move on and use the strengths and talents you have. I try and be friends with and help those who give me the equal freindship, love and support, but I won't try and befriend or put up with people who are "fake" socialites who will throw you under a bus to further themselves at a moments notice.

Getting outside is key to keeping positive though, like others have said. Hiking, walking, fishing, heck, storm chasing. That's one of my favorite things to do in life.

Good luck OP and hang in there. Many many people are just the way you are, me included.

 

[Mr Nice]

Drew,

What does your wife say about your social anxiety ?
Not every person likes to deal with people just to have a conversation.

Long time ago (30 years) I was dating this girl and her parents always wondered why I spoke very little to them when I was invited to dinner. I was nice and friendly to her parents but I never went out of my way to score brownie points or have a bull [censored] conversation with them just for the sake of talking. When my GF asked if I was nervous around them... I said I had nothing to say to them and I won't be phony just to get them to like me.

Dad: How about them Miami Dolphins and Dan Marino ?
Me : He sucks and will never win a Super Bowl. Can you change the TV channel to NASCAR cause I want to watch Mr GoodWrench in his #3 Chevy.

 

[Rock_Hudstone]

Originally Posted By: Drew99GT
I've been reluctant to chime in to this thread as I also suffer from many of the problems that have been discussed in this thread. But, at some point, you have to embrace who are are, where you're coming from, and where you'd like to go in life.

Good luck OP and hang in there. Many many people are just the way you are, me included.

Good post! Sounds like you've come to terms on who you are and are okay with it. Carnoobie isn't happy with his situation and wants to change I think.

Anyway, 31 years old is wayyy too young to be hating life. That is what the 40-something mid-life crisis are for.

 

[Cogito]

Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Dad: How about them Miami Dolphins and Dan Marino ?
Me : He sucks and will never win a Super Bowl. Can you change the TV channel to NASCAR cause I want to watch Mr GoodWrench in his #3 Chevy.

I hope you're joking. This is not an example of "having nothing to say." It's an example of how to get people to think you're a jerk.