Going nuts!

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andrews

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Help!?,
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How do you cope with a teenage (16) boy AND a wife that is going through menopause??? Every day is getting to be a virtual nighmare! One second my wife is normal, the next minute she's yelling about why I asked a simple question! Adding to it my son is being a typical smart mouthed, lazy teenager. He gives me excuse after excuse why he can't do his chores, while my wife actually listens to him like he's got some sort of validity. I'm so sick and tired of feeling like I'm caged up with crazy people!
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Well..the only thing that my wife did during memopaus is have heat flashes. That happened about 20 times/day
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As for the son Try this: Walk him to the front door and say "See this?" Then take him to a calandar and point out his birthday on it. Then tell him on the monning of his 18th birthday that he will have a nice breakfast in the morning and after breakfast his suitcase will be packed and sitting at the front door and he will be out of here and on his own

I was very fortunate with both my kids...yea it was tough on the chores sometimes. But they were always good, polite and worked hard in school and their part time jobs. So if the chores are the only issue (for the most part) thats not bad.
 
As far as the wife,there are meds that she can take that will help her and YOU.
The teenage son is another story.
Does he work?
If not,does he get an allowance?

If he gets an allowance,when it comes time to do give it to him,give him a hard time as to why you just cant give it to him at the time.

Things like,Well,the chores werent done when they were supposed to so that made you allowance late.

The chores were late so that put hold on your pay for doing such.

You were late with the chores so I must take into consideration that YOU no longer care for the allowance.

You did the chores but you had to be asked and asked and asked to do so,this in turn will reqire you to ask and ask and ask and ask and ask etc.,etc. for your money.

Things like this should get through to him.

Dont waiver on this,he is more than likely seeing how far he can push you and get by with it.
 
Can't help with the kid, but about your wife; Remember, she's having a hard time. You're her husband, you are supposed to help her. Try to understand what she's going through, and how you can help her. She's dealing with weird emotions and physical changes that we, as men can't begin to understand. Just do your best to be patient and treat with with kindness and understanding. Try not to focus on how she's making you feel, but on what you can do to make things better for her.
My wife isn't going through meonpause, but she seems to have PMDD, which makes her seem just as crazy and irritable the same time every month. If I had been able to remember my own advice to you, she might still be with me.
 
Get your wife squared away and emotionally stable; it will probably be easier. As others said it could be a simple hormone imbalance that could be easily treated. If it's moer psychological, hopefully she's more mature and easier to go through therapy with. Then if you and she never had the talk about having a united front disciplining your kid, have it. Then the both of you go to work on him (or have your wife defer to you). Don't let her turn you into the "bad cop."

Good luck.
 
Thanks for the advice, I just hope I can handle all this without freaking out with anger.
My son isn't really any different than most teens these days. I don't give him an allowance....tried that and he never could actually earn one. His mother raised him after a divorce from a previous marriage, so he's kind of a pampered kid. He's smart and can do many things fairly well, but work isn't one of them. Just getting him to clean up his room is a major repetitive task for me to keep telling him to do it. His mother is rather clueless about what a boy needs so she's really no help most of the time. Now with her menopause stuff going on I'm really having to deal with two big irritations on a daily basis. I often just go into my home office room and smoke a pipe in order to get away from them. Don't get me wrong, no divorce will happen here, I'm just needing some advice so as not to go insane. All these changes in behavior have all occured in the last two months. My wife is a very religious person and as such is praying very often....almost several times a day. It has me worried that she's going mental but I would say that it stems from the "change of life" thing. At least I hope that's what it is. I know that menopause won't last forever....right?
 
My wife is doing the periomenopause thing. I never heard of it until suddenly I had a psychotic woman that I don't know in the HOUSE! I know it's very difficult.....avoidance is tuff even when that's what she wants. It pretty much means no sex good thing I don't have a drive anymore......
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EDIT (because we need a break here) NOW changing the subject to your son:

On the other hand you could try a teenage daughter.....twice as psycho, 10 times as lazy....don't get me wrong she is a good bright kid, she knows right,.....but the messages from TV and the world are tough.

Hang in there.
 
quote:
Originally posted by Pablo:

On the other hand you could try a teenage daughter.....twice as psycho, 10 times as lazy....don't get me wrong she is a good bright kid, she knows right,.....but the messages from TV and the world are tough.

Hang in there.
Click to expand...
Cancel the Cable, take computer privilages. That is a start.

Wifey will be deploying in June to Iraq. Cable TV will be the first to go.
 
Your kid having a dirty room is normal. Sometimes people just need their space; you like your office for your pipe. I'd actually pick your battles and take it easy on the dirty room subject.

Do make your son keep the common area clean though: mowing the lawn, doing his own laundry, family dishes, etc. Don't segue away from the room thing so it looks like you're giving up ground; just quietly don't mention it for a while. If the kid is good and gets good grades, stays away from intoxicants and loose women maybe the room is something to let slide. Then if his grades slip or something you can go on the warpath and make him clear his room of those "distractions" from his homework.

Is he interested in anything? Sports? Cars? Maybe he's "lazy" because he hasn't found what he likes to do. If he likes a car get a $200 piece of junk and help him fix it up. Go junkyarding together, but make him do the work. With his sweat equity you know he'll drive it cautiously and be less likely to wrap it around a tree. With the expense of insurance, etc., he can get a J-O-B.

Same with sports; unless he's naturally good he'll practice which takes a lot of time and gets his aggressions out.

Listen to your kid and he might tell you what he wants to do. Don't be like my dad who'd learn I was interested in something then take it away because my grades weren't "good enough". (That goal was a moving target BTW.) Then only if your kid gets in wicked bad trouble intervene. Keep him focused on something he's interested in but keep him doing his fair share of boring, lame family chorses too.
 
He's interested in many things...he just won't stick to them when it gets hard. He could be a truly exceptional runner, but he hates training more than a week.(Yet he thinks he's going to be a track star!). He plays the trumpet very well for his age....yet it is tough to get him to practice often. His grades fluctuate with his social life (the most important thing to him). His biological father will be giving him an old Jimmy for his first car soon. He's not interested in maintenance (he still finds it impossible to do an oil change without help). Thankfully he's not into drugs, but I want more than just that for him. I told him that when he graduates he will need to take care of himself....unless he can get a scholarship (not likely). I also told him that the service may be a good option for him, but he really has no clue what he is going to do yet. One thing is certain from my viewpoint....HE WILL NOT BE IN THIS HOUSE THE SUMMER AFTER HE GRADUATES!!!
 
Andrews;

I can tell you flat out that if puffing on a pipe once in awhile makes this stuff easier to deal with you should GO FOR IT. I'm sorry I gave you a hard time about it earlier...
 
You should probably get together with his biological father and mother and just express your goals for this kid and make sure you're all on the same page and consistent. The boy sounds like many I know... they mostly turn out all right but in their mid-20's at the earliest.

Also probably seek advice on a non-car-guy website. I for one don't really understand people all that well... so I go tinker on mechanical stuff.
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