FIL dropped car off of temp jack

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Your wife should be calling you instead of her Dad. She’s undermining your role and damaging your relationship. She owes you an apology.

Your FIL did his best and the cheap jack failed. You owe him an apology.

You let your wife drive a car with a bad spare. That’s your failure. You owe her an apology.

You lost your temper in front of them. You owe them both an apology.

Man up, own your mistakes, all of them, start apologizing.

Then, talk with your wife about who she called and why.
Wow! Hard to argue with any of that.
 
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This belongs here

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92saturnsl2

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I think some on here are making assumptions-- I walked out of the car planning to change a tire, that's when I first noticed the car sitting on the suspension. Never had that happen before, and don't know what type of damage it can cause. So I don't think I was out of line to be upset/angry, it was an initial reaction, but indeed hindsight being 20/20 I should have reacted this way:

I will tell you what works for me if faced with a similar situation. I first focus on task at hand and not the past state that caused it. Resolve the immediate problem, and plan later for evaluation cause and effect. Deflection of tempers is also healthier, and allows you to think clearly before, during, and after the situation at hand.

One of those easier said than done things, and I'll work to approach it differently next time.

But the whole fist fight thing-- I'm not an aggressive person at all, not a fighter. I call it short man syndrome when that's the first person's reaction to a conflict, which was my FIL. I've encountered a lot of those types of people in my life-- and I've seen a strong correlation between height and desire to fight for some reason. If that's his reaction to me loudly saying "this is why I asked you guys to wait 5 minutes", that's on him. Fist fights are not how I handle my problems. I just shut my mouth and didn't say anything for 5 minutes until the situation diffused itself and everyone involved could collect their thoughts. He spent a couple minutes berating me about how I think I'm god and the only one that can change a tire, I just let him vent. I absoultely trust him to change a tire, it was about the 5 minutes and having proper tools.

All is well now, he's going to bring his late 60's Chevy truck over this week so we can do an engine swap. A little bonding instead of fighting would probably do us both good after this event!
 
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Stuff happens. Nobody hurt. Nothing broke. Go on with your day.

I was jacking up a Peterbilt last year. Thought I had a secure spot under the axle but it spit the jack out at a high rate of speed before I got it high enough to even get a jack stand under it .

Luckily I wasn't under it when it fell.
 

92saturnsl2

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The inability of some people to lose the pride and accept that they "done screwed up" just amazes me.
That's the thing, he has good reason to have a lot of pride. He's a national derby champion (ran/built derby cars all over North America and made a good living doing it) and can probably change six tires in the time it takes me to change one. So I don't doubt his abilities at all, and I'm very sympathetic toward him, the fact that the jack fell. Because if I was stranded I would have used the same cheap jack and it would have probably fallen on me too, because it's a cheap junk jack under a heavy vehicle on uneven asphalt.

But 5 minutes could have prevented it, is why I got upset. Wrong of me, but can't turn back time.
 
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Because if I was stranded I would have used the same cheap jack and it would have probably fallen on me too, because it's a cheap junk jack under a heavy vehicle on uneven asphalt.

A reasonable person would look at that situation and decide to wait 5 minutes for better equipment.

But 5 minutes could have prevented it, is why I got upset. Wrong of me, but can't turn back time.

Your getting upset is certainly understandable. Your FIL jumped the gun and there was a bad outcome.

EDIT: And my experience with those cheap jacks is that if they're uneven, if you're paying any attention you'll notice that the base isn't sitting level on the ground, and it gets worse as you continue to jack the vehicle up. That's when you stop and find another solution OR keep going and get a hard lesson about physics. This isn't the sort of thing a national derby champion might know about, how often are they jacking up cars with cheap jacks on uneven ground?
 
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92saturnsl2

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Your wife should be able to put a spare tire on without anyones help.
Trust me, if she's 100 miles away from anyone she knows, she'll put that spare on without question. She might have to make a phone call or two to figure out where the tools/tire are, but she'll get it on and be on her way.

But like most women, she doesn't get excited about getting her hands dirty. So if the husband or FIL is a phone call away to do it for her, that's the route she's going to take, and I don't blame her for that. I just wish she'd called me first, or been more assertive to her dad to wait a few minutes.
 

Astro14

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Trust me, if she's 100 miles away from anyone she knows, she'll put that spare on without question. She might have to make a phone call or two to figure out where the tools/tire are, but she'll get it on and be on her way.

But like most women, she doesn't get excited about getting her hands dirty. So if the husband or FIL is a phone call away to do it for her, that's the route she's going to take, and I don't blame her for that. I just wish she'd called me first, or been more assertive to her dad to wait a few minutes.
You expect that she will install this spare?
I can be there in 15 minutes and bring some decent tools with me and have it changed in 5 minutes, instead of fighting with the junk jack and garbage tools that come with the car. I also know there's likely not enough air in the spare (never checked it), so I can bring a portable air tank with me and make sure it's done right.

I have to call her for directions midway through my drive and she tells me she called her dad, and he offered to change it for her. I know he's closer and will get there before me, but I still also know it's in vain as the spare will need air. He's an old school car guy through and through, so I trust him to change a tire-- but I still feel like it's more efficient to use decent tools if she just wait an extra 5 minutes for me to get there.
 

AutoMechanic

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I’ll share a story. I’ve only had a Jack fail once and well it didn’t really fail and I guess you could say it wasn’t actually me or my fault it fell I won’t blame anybody. I was 12 working on the car with my brother in law and he had the cheap scissor Jack that came with the car and instead of using the Jack me and my dad had he insisted to use that one. I took the tire off and the car fell. Reason being we have a gravel driveway and the thing was wobbling then I pulled the tire off and down it came. We were getting ready to do brakes so luckily the scuffed brake rotor wasn’t an issue. After that I told him let’s move to the blacktop at the end of the driveway he was worried about blocking the neighbors in but after that happened he agreed with me. Luckily no one was hurt and the car only had some scratches. He didn’t freak out or get mad he just said a choice word. Fast forward 8 years later he is still using the same Jack lifting that same Toyota Corolla with 325,000 miles on it now. He had bought a trolley Jack from Walmart but let the rain get too it.

If I was in your situation I probably would of done the same thing just because in situations like that I’m not good of stopping and thinking I just let it all come out. Kind of a spare of the moment thing. And I would of immediately felt remorse and apologized to everyone though. I hate those jacks that comes with cars if you can even find an actual car still sold with a spare and Jack anymore. We have had one flat tire out on the road since I’ve been around and that’s because we had a bad tire that wore down faster than the rest and it got so low a few of the wires broke and made a hole. We limped it home though and put the spare on so I could not have to clean out the entire trunk next to the road and try and fight with the flat spare tire. Luckily we have an air compressor. But I’ll put the blame of the flat spare on me since it’s my duty to keep up with that stuff.
 
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@92saturnsl2 FWIW I took a company provided leadership class about 5 years ago. I took several things away from the class and they might be helpful in this situation.

- who will help you if you need help? In other words be nice to people so they will be on your team
- listen and be present during discussions
- it’s about the how more so than the results
- your aren’t responsible for your first thoughts but you are responsible for your first words or actions
- is this worth dying on the hill for?

Just a few simple rules I tried hard to live by. Hopefully your relationship with your FIL isn’t damaged.

Just my $0.02
 
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I can tell you, without hesitation, that there is no female driver in the state of New Jersey, who would ever consider jacking up a car and changing a flat herself. If I didn’t have road side assistance powered by overhead satellites, or at the very least, AAA my wife would have me committed. I keep the doughnut in her car aired up. If there’s a problem, get away from the car and wait for assistance to arrive.
 
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92saturnsl2

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If I was in your situation I probably would of done the same thing just because in situations like that I’m not good of stopping and thinking I just let it all come out. Kind of a spare of the moment thing. And I would of immediately felt remorse and apologized to everyone though. I hate those jacks that comes with cars if you can even find an actual car still sold with a spare and Jack anymore.
Pretty much sums up this experience. Work in progress, I'll definitely try to stay more mellow next time, assess the situation, get it over with, and then decide how to react. Easier said than done, but lesson learned.

Hopefully your relationship with your FIL isn’t damaged.

We revisited it today when he came over, and we both agreed that we both played a part in the tenseness of the moment, when it didn't really have to be a big deal. Water under the bridge now, no hard feelings on either side. Now we've got a project ahead of us, he brought his '65 Chevy over for a motor swap. The (289?) has a bad knock and is making dents outward on the oil pan, so something is seriously wrong inside, so we're swapping in a 350. Good times instead of bad moving forward.

It wasn't until after he talked about bolt sizes that I realize I have no/very little SAE tools. All I've ever worked on in my life has been metric, this old school stuff is definitely new to me.
 

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I've dropped my car twice - once ruined the radiator on a Honda and once dropped my Audi on the brake rotor. Got upset with myself the first time, the second time I was much wiser about getting upset with material things. The most important thing is for people to not get hurt - material things can be replaced, human lives or health cannot.

I can understand why Ms. 92saturnsl2 called her dad - pressed for time.
 
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My wife calls me and only me, unless she can’t reach me, then she will call her father. Well, not now as we live in Texas.

To me that’s the biggest issue. She was talking to a stranger before she talked to you and then somehow felt your help is not enough and called her father. That should tell you something.


Just leave her stranded next time.
 
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