The pain will ease , missing her won't go away
End of life experience during my Dad's passing
- Thread starter slo town
- Start date
That this happened 13 years ago means it's weighing on your mind. You must have debated whether or not to share it with us. We are a good bunch, here. A safe space for men to share their thoughts. Not that women are not welcome, but it's a not often to find a safe space for men to share these types of thoughts and feelings.
My mother was on her death bed but waited for my wife and I to arrive to pass on to the next life. We were only there about 15 minutes by her bedside and she passed without us even knowing. The nurse came in and said she was gone. Although, I get very low marks in empathy, I really feel for the nurses in these situations. Death is inevitable for us, but it's not easy. Seeing it on the regular is not something that I'd be comfortable with.
My father in law is a bit incontinent. We buy him adult diapers for nighttime use. It's no big deal. He's not the same man that he was 20 years ago. His stroke took about 5% or 10% from his IQ. Getting old is tough. Wishing you the best!
My mother was on her death bed but waited for my wife and I to arrive to pass on to the next life. We were only there about 15 minutes by her bedside and she passed without us even knowing. The nurse came in and said she was gone. Although, I get very low marks in empathy, I really feel for the nurses in these situations. Death is inevitable for us, but it's not easy. Seeing it on the regular is not something that I'd be comfortable with.
My father in law is a bit incontinent. We buy him adult diapers for nighttime use. It's no big deal. He's not the same man that he was 20 years ago. His stroke took about 5% or 10% from his IQ. Getting old is tough. Wishing you the best!
Yeah that's great that they were both college graduates. I'm a first generation college graduate. I'm not as familiar with that part of California (I hope to explore the area more someday). I'm more familiar with the northern California coast. There's a town inland a ways from the Eureka area called Willow Creek. Not far from where the famous old Sasquatch footage was filmed. They have a Bigfoot museum there. Pretty fun.
Sorry for your loss. Time lots and lots of time .
For many years I worked with a local Hospice organization. Your story and dreams of and surrounding the dying are a very real phenomenon that has been documented numerous times by my former organization. It is a very sad event and we never want to loose anyone, but there is some beauty in peacefully moving on, dignity in the end and those moving on… seeing them at peace through their dreams.
Approaching age 70 and all that entails, I have made a huge effort to dismiss the concept of having regrets. Life is complicated and we humans are imperfect. I am still learning and attempting to become better every day, but still acknowledge that "good enough" is perfectly o.k. too. I accept my goodness and my badness. We can't change the past. We can make amends to a certain extent, but it does no good to retain feelings of guilt. The past is what it is. My family got along fine, but we were never super close like I see some families. I tried to become a bit closer with my two brothers. One of them chats with me now monthly, the other is happy to stay introverted and independent. Just the way it is.
I choose to continue working. No regrets. If my health goes bad 6 months after I retire, so be it. Some people die immediately after retiring because they cannot cope with it. I'm living life (almost) daily to the fullest right now.
My advice everyone, ditch the concept of having regrets. Accept your faults and good attributes, moving forward positively.
EDIT: And yes, this is a good place for people to share thoughts - thank you Slo town.
He knew you were there.
JHZR2
Staff member
It’s a traumatic experience, of course it’s going to show up in dreams and thoughts. What it means to anyone as they engage with their loved ones or their creator is their business and their construction. One man cannot say to another that their interpretation is incorrect, or what they saw was not true. One’s soul and spirit is in their control alone.
That said, I was taken aback by the comment of doubling and tripling the morphine. I was there at the time of one of my grandfather’s passing. The administration of morphine is the thing that haunts me most. The rest was somewhat beautiful for him, fortunately. But that morphine administration haunts me to this day for some reason.
When my final grandparent (grandmother) passed, we were far from home. I don’t know that we could have been with her anyway, but I had for a call that she was unresponsive and in the hospital as a result. I could have sworn that I saw her face in a purple flash as I was playing and looking at one of my children. Almost like her image was superimposed on my child. And the background was purple. And then gone. Maybe five minutes later I got a call that she had passed.
Thanks for sharing your story.
That said, I was taken aback by the comment of doubling and tripling the morphine. I was there at the time of one of my grandfather’s passing. The administration of morphine is the thing that haunts me most. The rest was somewhat beautiful for him, fortunately. But that morphine administration haunts me to this day for some reason.
When my final grandparent (grandmother) passed, we were far from home. I don’t know that we could have been with her anyway, but I had for a call that she was unresponsive and in the hospital as a result. I could have sworn that I saw her face in a purple flash as I was playing and looking at one of my children. Almost like her image was superimposed on my child. And the background was purple. And then gone. Maybe five minutes later I got a call that she had passed.
Thanks for sharing your story.
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My beloved sister-in-law Alison (my wife's sister) passed away May 19th.
We heard on February 12th that her cancer had metasticized. My wife went down to California in late February to be with her, and stayed for several weeks.
After she returned, our oldest son and I went down to say goodbye. That was in late March.
My wife went down again in April, and was there until the end.
We're all still very sad and I think I'm in denial - I can't quite believe she's gone.
Anyway, while I was there, Alison (my sister-in-law) and I had some really good talks. She said she would try to contact me from the other side of the veil - I really hope that happens.
I'm a person of faith, but have been wracked with doubts throughout my decades-long spiritual journey. Time will tell ... the years fly by quickly now.
We heard on February 12th that her cancer had metasticized. My wife went down to California in late February to be with her, and stayed for several weeks.
After she returned, our oldest son and I went down to say goodbye. That was in late March.
My wife went down again in April, and was there until the end.
We're all still very sad and I think I'm in denial - I can't quite believe she's gone.
Anyway, while I was there, Alison (my sister-in-law) and I had some really good talks. She said she would try to contact me from the other side of the veil - I really hope that happens.
I'm a person of faith, but have been wracked with doubts throughout my decades-long spiritual journey. Time will tell ... the years fly by quickly now.
Scott…
You have seen many, many people pass away…
And I believe that your analysis is quite likely spot on.
I have also told family members to … go home.. get some rest.. With my experience and knowledge knowing that their loved one would likely pass away when their family members left them…
I believe that those people did not want to have their close family members there when they passed away.
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