Don't eat the sugar-free Gummy Bears

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$100 Site Donor 2021
Apr 28, 2008
Ontario, Canada OMG, this had me in tears I was laughing so hard!
1. From a review titled: “Just don’t. Unless it’s a gift for someone you hate.” “What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM.” 2. From a review titled: “Be sure to buy Oxyclean too!” “Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans.” Via 3. From a review titled: “Yup - Believe the hype!” “I saw the product reviews and told some coworkers, so we bought a bag (because who doesn’t want to spend the workday on the toilet AND get paid, right??). Brought them in yesterday morning and a bunch of the guys immediately downed a handful each. Within half an hour they were in the bathroom. Best moment of the day was when one of them (who had been in the bathroom for half an hour by that point) texted one of the others. ‘If you think it’s a [censored]….it’s NOT.’ hahhaaaaaa” 4. From a review titled: “It’s. All. True.” “OMG. Everything previously written is true. It’s all true. Don’t eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines.” Via 5. From a review titled: “Fully weaponized Gummy Bears” “The cramping started about an hour later, and soon enough I was as bloated as a balloon in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home’s septic system AND my will to live. After three hours of a pelvis-shaking Gummy Bear assault, I was spongy and weak, surprised that I had any bones left. I cursed Haribo with the little strength I could muster.” Via 6. From a review titled: “AWESOME and EXPLOSIVE!!” “The explosive gas let loose and to an explosive shart!!! 1 mile from home on my walk and it was a long 1 mile back and I had a mess!! Fortunately for compression shorts it didn’t run down my legs!! Now I had to hold the gas for fear of blowing my entire intestines out into my shorts!! I made it home and what happened then was like something out of Dante’s Inferno!!! My butt became an upside down volcano!! Best to stock up on toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner as you will totally spray the bowl and back of the seat!! I would no sooner get done and have to go again. When you get the urge to “go” you best be in proximity of toilet!!! I spent hours on the toilet.” Via 7. From a review titled: “You dont understand.” “I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing. When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true. Eat two at a time. Three if you’re brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE.” Via 8. From a review titled: “Excellent taste, in small portions.” “During one of the last of the 8 trips to the bathroom, I released such a large volume of gas that my external anal sphincter could not do it’s job, and remained open/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. I’ve never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that I had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the anal sphincter muscle.” Via 9. From a review titled: “Gastrointestinal Armageddon” “After a few hours, I had an EXTREME build-up of gas with no relief. All I could do was lie on my bed and pray for a [censored]. That might sound funny, but when you’ve eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, you’re pleading for relief.”
Hello, The 5 pound bag contains ~1080 bears. At 15 bears per episode you'll make/renew 72 friends. If the targets are large men 20 bears could be required. 54 cleansed football fans come Feb. 2nd. Kira
My wife and I stopped by WINCO which is a 24hr grocery store and picked up some sugar free mints and chocolates for some friends and family. It must be the type of sweetener they use because the reviews you read are true.
According to Wikipedia: Lycasin is a trade name given by Roquette for hydrogenated glucose syrup (hydrolysed starch).[1] One of the major components of Lycasin is maltitol, derived from the hydrogenation of maltose. Depending on the dextrose equivalent (DE) of the syrup used in the hydrolysis, a variety of products can be made, with the name "lycasin" normally being reserved for lycasin 80/55 (80 referring to the dry content and 55 to the dextrose equivalent). The other grades (e.g. 75/60 and 80/33) are referred to as Polysorb.[2] Lycasin's known side effects in adults include bloating, intestinal gurgling or rumbling (borborygmi), and flatulence. Some cases of severe intestinal distress have resulted from consuming excessive quantities of foods containing Lycasin. One well-known product containing Lycasin are the sugarless Haribo gummy bears.[3] Prolonged or acute diarrhea may be a sign of Lycasin poisoning and individuals should seek immediate medical help if they experience these symptoms.[4]
Unfortunately I speak from experience as a true Gummy Bear afficiado...but never again the sugar-free variety! Don't tolerate them well at I gave the rest to the neighbors kids....
I found out about that effect one day when I worked at Target! I bought a small bag and ate the entire thing. After I finished, someone told me about the ... after effects ... of sugar free gummy bears. Oddly enough, I can tolerate whatever chemical is in that. Asparatame has me unable to breathe or move. But I can do sugar free gummy bears! It does happen to a lot of people, though. I used to attend weight watchers. One week someone said how they found sugar free gummy bears. The next week, everyone noted that there were undesirable effects and that they would not purchase again.
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