Considering a radical change...

[97tbird]

OP:
Read the book "The Razor's Edge" by Somerset Maugham. Suits your situation well.
It has changed how I look at happiness a lot, and has changed a friend's life pretty drastically.

It's not easy what you're trying to do. But I will admire you if you do it.

Oh and for a start, get rid of internet 100%.

 

[andrewg]

I feel as you do fairly frequently. I have little happiness in my life, but for me I think it is mostly a combination of genetics and a dysfunctional upbringing.
Maybe you do need some time alone....without the consequences of a complete 'rebooting' as you call it. Take some time to think about why your life is not satisfying and why you seem to think you are the cause of everyones misery that is in your life. You might need that time to figure those things out. Situations such as what you find yourself living in generally have real causes. You need to find out what those causes are. I find it helps NOT to think that others have great and happy lives...that's often pure [censored] and many times fake. Yes, some do have very happy lives though. But...so what? Maybe that just isn't your personality to be happy all the time. I know that is how I am....and I accept it. Life is what it is....ups and downs etc. Sometimes....for reasons we need to examine, the 'downs' can be overwhelming.
Solutions exists to your problem. Don't give up and dump everything. That NEVER works out....EVER. You can't run away from yourself. Take some time....do some serious thinking....and forgive yourself for your mistakes.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Originally Posted By: linkbelt
Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
I accepted a long time ago that happiness is something I will certainly never find.

R80: no.


If I may ask, what is your age?


Late 30's and heading downhill fast.

 

[97tbird]

See PM, Jarlaxie.

 

[John_K]

Watch the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" and think, there are likely people you help by being in their life that you just don't realize. If you walk away you take your issues with you.

BTW I did that after college and it worked for me because my family is nuts but if you really are the problem staying and working on yourself might be better.

John

 

[turtlevette]

Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
...hitch-hike someplace (don't know--or care--where)...just start from scratch.

Sounds exciting. Do it. But take that sweet caddy.

 

[shDK]

Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
Originally Posted By: The_Eric
A radical change no doubt. While it may benefit you, it may well not.


I don't really expect it to.

Quote:
Also consider the ramifications. What about Liz? If she's part of the problem, you should deal with it.


No, she is no part of the problem. The problem is-entirely-me.

Quote:
If not, what would that do to her? What about friends and family?


She can handle it...she'll probably be happier when I'm gone a while. As for the rest...not sure I care anymore.

Quote:
There's also the chance that you'll never get a solid start where you end up. Especially if you're talking about only bringing the clothes on your back. Then what?


If I flip burgers for minimum wage the rest of my life...so be it.

Quote:
I'm not suggesting that you stay rooted where you're at, but if you're itching for a change, make a planned change... Heck, even a semi planned one.


Everything and everyone I touch turns to sewage. (The board's filter will not allow the more-appropriate word.) I'm not really "itching for change", I just realized that the best thing I could possibly do for anyone I care about is to never enter their lives again.


I,m sorry. But the fact that you are considering leaving your loved ones. Your friends. People who care for you and want/need you in there life. Simply makes you a coward. You might have a hard time. Life ain,t allways easy. But you are never weaker then you let yourself be.

You should stick up to your commitments. And if you wan,t to improve yourself. Do it with help from the people who care for you.

 

[TooManyWheels]

If the common element in all of your problems is you, then it probably is a very good idea to start over, ON YOU. Whether you need to move to do it is a separate question. It may well be that the established patterns and expectations in all of your relationships are keeping you locked in to certain behaviors, or it may be that those relationships can help you be who you want to be. Only you can tell.

If you are going to make changes in yourself, it will require an idea of what to change and how. (This will be the same regardless of whether you stay or go. If you make no changes, the same problems will evidence wherever you go.) It may be easier to make changes in a new setting, or it may not, for the reason mentioned above. But I would highly advise you to start with the change of what to change, not whether or not to go. Once you start thinking about what to change and how to change it the question of whether you can do it within existing circumstances makes more sense.

Wishing you luck....

 

[Cujet]

I needed to make a change many years ago. I recorded my interactions with others, using a small digital audio recorder. I waited about a month and reviewed the audio. Not to prove how wrong everybody else was, (that's self evident) but to review my behavior, disposition and personality with a critical eye.

Guess what? It was an eye opening experiment. I discovered that I had far more room for improvement than I had expected. And that while I was not technically wrong in any way, I could modify my interactions with others for a more positive outcome.

I did so and my life improved markedly.

I am in the aviation field and work with some very pompous pilots. Many of whom can make my life miserable. I can't change them, but can change myself. MAN, did that help my situation!

 

[01rangerxl]

A little surprised to see you come to that conclusion, but kind of know the feeling.

I wouldn't do it. I know Liz is tough and could deal with it, but you guys have been together a long time. I kind of doubt she'd be happier without you around. I've talked with you for probably about 10 years now on a couple different forums and Liz has been a part of your life that whole time. I think for better or worse, you two are probably right for each other.

I know the endless bad luck feeling, but I think walking away from everything would just be more bad luck.

 

[Drew99GT]

Originally Posted By: Cujet
I could modify my interactions with others for a more positive outcome.

I can't change them, but can change myself. MAN, did that help my situation!


I still struggle with it everyday given a host of problems I have to deal with, but when I finally realized the only person on planet earth I can change to my own desires is me, it helped tremendously. I still almost on a daily basis have to remind myself, but when I do, it helps. And sometimes, if you can;t get along with friends, coworkers, and family or you think they are in the wrong and they will not change to your own desires or see things through your eyes, all you can do is change yourself, accept their behavior but tell them how you feel, and walk away.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Originally Posted By: 01rangerxl
A little surprised to see you come to that conclusion, but kind of know the feeling.

I wouldn't do it. I know Liz is tough and could deal with it, but you guys have been together a long time. I kind of doubt she'd be happier without you around. I've talked with you for probably about 10 years now on a couple different forums and Liz has been a part of your life that whole time. I think for better or worse, you two are probably right for each other.

I know the endless bad luck feeling, but I think walking away from everything would just be more bad luck.


Not just bad luck...bluntly, I think my brains have been scrambled. I fully expect to be senile before I'm 45.

 

[Cujet]

Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle


Not just bad luck...bluntly, I think my brains have been scrambled. I fully expect to be senile before I'm 45.


Take my advice above. It's free and it will help you to be properly introspective.

I understand your point of view very clearly. We do make out own luck.

Please trust me on this one. It's one step at a time. Just like its impossible to "get rich quick", or going to the gym and getting strong overnight, improving one's situation takes time and very careful planning. It really is 3 steps forward and 2 back. It's really that simple.

A major "bail out" seems to be more of the same type of bad choice.

 

[Shannow]

Mate...don't.

 

[TooManyWheels]

Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
...bluntly, I think my brains have been scrambled. I fully expect to be senile before I'm 45.


Not quite sure where you are coming from here. If you are concerned about things like brain fog, or emotions or reactions you can't control, consider that there may be a physiological element. The possibilities for that are too vast to mention and could be chemical, nutritional, environmental, toxins, etc. Unfortunately, this isn't just a "go to the doctor and he'll answer it" situation, but something to explore over a long period of time.

But I can assure you that many psychological and behavioral problems have body chemistry of some sort at the root.

 

[linkbelt]

You know, this guy might not be for real?

 

[Jarlaxle]

Originally Posted By: TooManyWheels
Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
...bluntly, I think my brains have been scrambled. I fully expect to be senile before I'm 45.


Not quite sure where you are coming from here. If you are concerned about things like brain fog, or emotions or reactions you can't control, consider that there may be a physiological element. The possibilities for that are too vast to mention and could be chemical, nutritional, environmental, toxins, etc. Unfortunately, this isn't just a "go to the doctor and he'll answer it" situation, but something to explore over a long period of time.

But I can assure you that many psychological and behavioral problems have body chemistry of some sort at the root.


I suspect I have the early stages of CTE.

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
Originally Posted By: TooManyWheels
Originally Posted By: Jarlaxle
...bluntly, I think my brains have been scrambled. I fully expect to be senile before I'm 45.


Not quite sure where you are coming from here. If you are concerned about things like brain fog, or emotions or reactions you can't control, consider that there may be a physiological element. The possibilities for that are too vast to mention and could be chemical, nutritional, environmental, toxins, etc. Unfortunately, this isn't just a "go to the doctor and he'll answer it" situation, but something to explore over a long period of time.

But I can assure you that many psychological and behavioral problems have body chemistry of some sort at the root.


I suspect I have the early stages of CTE.

CTE? Were you a boxer or athlete that has suffered head trauma? CTE can only be diagnosed post-mortem from what I just read.

 

[JHZR2]

I dont really know of your situation, and I dont know that its clear from other posts. No idea who Liz is, your marital status, your family status, your work/education status, etc.

I can't imagine that walking away from your obligations is the best move long term. Too much is tied to your SSN, and your person in general. Getting away from folks you know might seem like a good idea, but I cant see how it will do much but cause more pain and bad emotions down the line. Moving to someplace new is not easy - lots of folks on here have written posts with complaints and issues about living in new areas where everyone knows everyone else and has a tough time meeting new people. That's not a fun situation forever from your perspective in the long run.

More clarity to the situation might help us help you. Can be tough putting all your dirty laundry out on the interweb, but its tough to get a real feel for whats wrong from this...

Without somemore clarity o

 

[daves87rs]

Spend six months in Africa helping out.....you'll look at life way different...

If you want to make a change, make a REAL change........


Be lost in life in one thing, bring purpose is another......