Broke up with girlfriend...

[MinamiKotaro]

Originally Posted By: Cristobal
Wolf, you dodged a bullet. If you get in too deep you will be owing support money to that woman and kids.

Don't be a chump.


x2

Count your blessings.

 

[dave1251]

OP que sera sera. It is easy for me to say because I am not you.

But there is reason for everything take a deep breath and regroup your emotions. In matters of this nature things tend to work out for the better for all parties involved on their own.

 

[Turk]

I married an Asian lady with 2 teenage daughters from a previous marriage.

Rare, but it works:

- Zero pressure.
- Zero pressure from kids. They're great, high achieving and give us our space.
- She wanted Zero money from me and after 5 years, still wants Zero money from me.
- She wants Zero money from me when I die.

Even with the above, it's a harder & different road with kids. If you view it as a hassle or pressure, STAY AWAY! If you view it as helping guide the kids in a good direction & being a positive part of their lives, ok.

My situation is not the norm. But in general, you made the right decision.

Find a quality gal with no kids attached.

Hope this helped.
Turk

 

[CHARLIEBRONSON21]

Girl I'm with has a kid. He's 6 now. I started going out with her when he was 2. 4 years ago. His dad pays child support and he isn't a terrible guy, they just didn't work out.

 

[Cutehumor]

just another perspective. maybe the woman wanted to know if the OP is serious or not. she probably didn't want to be strung along. she may have been dumped after spending a year or two with someone with no long term commitment and nothing to show for it. so maybe she's been overly hyperactive about relationships now. she doesn't want baby number three with three different guys with no wedding ring.

 

[JHZR2]

Originally Posted By: badtlc


So while guys might say that is too fast and jump to the conclusion she has ulterior motives, there are plenty of good reasons for not wasting time with a guy who doesn't appear comfortable with the thought of long term.


Yeah but every relationship is a two way street. So its the puzzle pieces coming together that causes concern. If she had kids from one marriage that went sour, I get it... The divorce rate is 50%, so they exist and people change. No biggie necessarily. Two different kids from two different fathers, plus forcing the topic, plus who knows what else tells me that she may not be relationship material, and that the kids are being used in a quest to find stability. No different than when a woman secretly goes off BC to get pregnant to "keep her man". Thank goodness the OP isnt caught in that.

Morality and family structure is destroyed for the most part, unfortunately. Some recover, others dont and there are lots of kids and families worse off for it. The OP may have been a great father, and if I was single, I wouldnt necessarily let a kid get in the way of fostering a great relationship - I have a friend who is in that exact situation - married a woman with a child, because they took their time, the woman made the most for herself and has an excellent career, etc.

We dont have all the puzzle pieces about what she does/how much she earns/what her living arrangements are/her family structure with parents, etc./how the two fathers exist in the kids' lives and so on... So there are some conclusions to draw. But the pieces as we have them now are questionable, and looking out for the OP, as he put up the question/comment, it seems like he is going the right path.

Then again, sometimes relationships need a break to see how important people are to each other. No different than other group dynamics where the storming/norming/performing type scenarios come into play. A little time is probably healthy regardless of the outcome.

 

[TWG1572]

Originally Posted By: badtlc
No. Her situation deserves the respect and not yours mainly because she is the one with kids and those should be the #1 priority for any parent. If she feels waiting for you is not what is best, you need to respect that.


I'm going to disagree on this. Why would her decision demand respect, but his not? She needs to do what she needs to do for the kids, but he needs to do what's right for him.

I've got two kids of my own, and I can't imagine getting into a situation like this after only four months. I also can't imagine why any mother would rush into a situation like this after four months either, but that's another topic.

 

[Mykl]

Originally Posted By: Cutehumor
just another perspective. maybe the woman wanted to know if the OP is serious or not. she probably didn't want to be strung along. she may have been dumped after spending a year or two with someone with no long term commitment and nothing to show for it. so maybe she's been overly hyperactive about relationships now. she doesn't want baby number three with three different guys with no wedding ring.


^ this is what I would have wanted clarity on. There is a difference between pressuring for a committment and asking if you're the type who is ultimately willing to commit. One is the fair and right way to go about it, the other will make any sane man run for the hills.

 

[Eddie]

Good move on backing away. only 4 months is not enough time to know someone + 1 kid/#1father + 2nd kid/#2 father = a disaster in my opinion. My guess is that she will move on quickly.

 

[aquariuscsm]

Originally Posted By: wolf_06
And she had two kids with two diffrents dads.


^^For this reason,RUN not walk away,and DO NOT look back.

 

[zzyzzx]

We need pics of the girl to better assess the situation.

 

[SatinSilver]

Originally Posted By: zzyzzx
We need pics of the girl to better assess the situation.


I was thinking the same thing.

In the meantime the OP should get on the ground and kiss it. Even if it's a gravel parking lot I'd still be relieved. I think she was trying to get her meat hooks into you.

Report back with pictures.

 

[SF0059]

I can't say that I have ever been in your shoes. My wife and and I were engaged after 6 months of long distance dating, which looking back now was too fast. But god has been good and it has worked with a few bumps in the road. So I can't unequivocally say 4 months is never long enough.

I think the pivotal difference here is the kids. That takes more time and delicacy. A buddy of mine got a girl with two kids pregnant. A shotgun wedding later his life is a living [censored]. He loves the kids, but his marriage was based on what he saw as necessity to stay in his child's life as an active father.

I don't know your ex and I'm not going to pass judgment, however having two children by two different fathers then wanting to settle down with you ASAP raises some warning flags as to character and maturity.

As in all matters of the heart this surely hurts and is messy. Keep your chin up and look for someone a cut above. I think down the road you will see that you dodged a bullet when you are with a woman who wants to be with you for you and not rush things.

 

[wrcsixeight]

You likely have dodged a bullet.

Wait for the emotions to subside, and clarity of thought to take root again.

Men in the beginning stages of relationships lose half their brainpower, and 90% of their decision making ability.

It is geneticically programmed. How else would a man put up with such irrationality on a daily basis if his brain was not debilitated by the warm and fuzzies, or the short and curlies, or perhaps lack of.

 

[shDK]

Originally Posted By: Cristobal
Wolf, you dodged a bullet. If you get in too deep you will be owing support money to that woman and kids.

Don't be a chump.


how can you be committed to supportmoney for 2 kids that are not yours? is that really possible ?

 

[SatinSilver]

Originally Posted By: shDK
Originally Posted By: Cristobal
Wolf, you dodged a bullet. If you get in too deep you will be owing support money to that woman and kids.

Don't be a chump.


how can you be committed to supportmoney for 2 kids that are not yours? is that really possible ?


Maybe she's a member of the Swedish Olympic swim team. Hottest 2012 Olympic athletes:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1223953-100-hottest-olympians-of-2012/page/99

 

[surfstar]

Originally Posted By: shDK
Originally Posted By: Cristobal
Wolf, you dodged a bullet. If you get in too deep you will be owing support money to that woman and kids.

Don't be a chump.


how can you be committed to supportmoney for 2 kids that are not yours? is that really possible ?


Marry her / adopt kids ?

 

[shDK]

i see. but as long they only had a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that should not be a problem.

but sounds to me like you did the right thing..also showing respect to the kids and don,t disapoint them later on.

 

[Quattro Pete]

Originally Posted By: shDK
i see. but as long they only had a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that should not be a problem.

But it sounds like she wanted more than that, and that's what led to the breakup.

 

[badtlc]

Originally Posted By: TWG1572
Originally Posted By: badtlc
No. Her situation deserves the respect and not yours mainly because she is the one with kids and those should be the #1 priority for any parent. If she feels waiting for you is not what is best, you need to respect that.


I'm going to disagree on this. Why would her decision demand respect, but his not? She needs to do what she needs to do for the kids, but he needs to do what's right for him.

I've got two kids of my own, and I can't imagine getting into a situation like this after only four months. I also can't imagine why any mother would rush into a situation like this after four months either, but that's another topic.


I think you missed the point. She shouldn't have to respect his position because of her kids. That isn't saying nobody should respect his position. That is priority #1. He does have to respect she might be doing things based on what is best for her kids. He is free to walk away. Anyone can respect that.