Breaking Up

OilUzer said:
I didn't read every post very carefully and just realized that you are a female. You know I was stereotyping that mostly men change oil ... lol

my advice to stay away from old people (twice your age and up) until you are at least 28-30 years old ... should now be revised to until you are 35 :)

kidding aside, if you are for real (remember I don't trust the internet), my advice to you or your friend is:

1- still don't hang out too much with even trusted old people. Moderation is the key. there are lots of good people in your age group. You need to find more good friends close to your age to balance your views and ideas.

2- at your age, you shouldn't get too much into "closure" business. 1 or 2 or 6 months relationships should be able to handle a no closure deal/breakup within a reasonable time (i.e. less than a couple weeks or a few weeks) ...
closure is for 40 years old people and midlife crisis with very LONG relationships . Basically what I am saying is to move on and don't dwell too much on the past. You can always find the next nicer, smarter and better looking guy or partner.

3- talk to your dad, parents or other relatives if you feel sad or depressed for extended period of time.

4- don't fully trust the internet and even what I just told you. I don't think Dr. Phil posts on this site. :)

Pandemic is almost over and we should all get out more often.
Good luck to you and your friend(s).
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It wasn't me, but a good friend, and it wasn't months, but years. I do have friends within a few years of my age, just not a lot of them, and mature people who have their **** somewhat together, are much better to hang out with, and so much more interesting.
 
While not a romantic relationship...
Here's a different perspective on ghosting..

Lots of former friends, and family, have shown me, and the world...their true colors recently, via their social media stances, self marketing 'look at meeeeeeee!!!' BS.

I've got so much to say.
But nothing good, to say to them.

My words will not enlighten them, just skewer them, if i were to speak them.

But, if spoken/written...

They would just go on the attack, trying to belittle and bully me...acting the magnamious victim, trying to justify their past, and continuing amoral, unethical, greedy narcissistic ignorant behavior.

They'd likely go out of thier way to try and harm me somehow, on some level. Consciously or subconsciously.

So, I text nothing back at all, and deleted my fakebook account entirely.

They make themselves feel better by trying to make others feel worse, a human trait which disgusts me, but i can't, and in retrospect,.never could. Intentionally anyway.

I try my best to not be a hypocrite.

I dont want to be like them.

I'd rather they forget about me entirely, and the sooner the better.

Returning a text just prolongs the inevitable, and their opinions no longer matter to me, so why should mine to them.
 
bunnspecial said:
BTW, I see some analogies to the "Dear John" letter. To me, that still not quite the same thing. At least in that situation, the other person does clearly end the relationship. It's still a way of ending things without having to actually face the person, which is cowardly, but at least you don't leave the person hanging. It's equally bad, but still different.
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When I hear "Dear John" letter it reminds me of "break-up letters" guys in the military or a war would get from their girlfriends or wives. But yes, a letter would certainly be better than nothing (ghosting).
 
Sometimes I am very glad to be an only child.
Reading this reaffirms that.
My Dad is the most amazing father, so my life is basically drama free.
 
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Ghosting is a real deal; I’m using it, yesterday, today and tomorrow, I have no problem with it; keep in your mind, awkwardness speaks louder than words; I’ll give the same right to the other person; you don’t want be with me for whatever the reason is; my condolences 💐
 
The way I see it, if someone is going to intentionally hurt me or harm me, then I have every God given right to disappear away from them without giving the courtesy as to why I walked away. Best thing they can do is look in the mirror and tell themselves yep,they f'd up.
 
aquariuscsm said:
The way I see it, if someone is going to intentionally hurt me or harm me, then I have every God given right to disappear away from them without giving the courtesy as to why I walked away. Best thing they can do is look in the mirror and tell themselves yep,they f'd up.
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100% reasonable move! Something that one should do, no quarrel in there, not for a bit!

You see, I'm consider myself a highly socialized person but don’t give me a junk; I can live next to you as long as needed not to give a squat about you; the only down side of the ghosting terminology is that it is practically impossible to ghost on someone in this day and age; I wish it’s opposite thought; that’s why I’m longing for the 80s 😊
 
aquariuscsm said:
The way I see it, if someone is going to intentionally hurt me or harm me, then I have every God given right to disappear away from them without giving the courtesy as to why I walked away. Best thing they can do is look in the mirror and tell themselves yep,they f'd up.
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You're missing the opportunity to chew their arse up so that they know why they screwed up. ;) They may never figure it out otherwise.
 
Personally, if the individual I happen to be "breaking up" with doesn't have the decency to sit down and talk about it, I'd walk away and never look back. While that speaks volume about the type of person that they really are, it's emotional self control that sets you apart.
 
miden851 said:
100% reasonable move! Something that one should do, no quarrel in there, not for a bit!

You see, I'm consider myself a highly socialized person but don’t give me a junk; I can live next to you as long as needed not to give a squat about you; the only down side of the ghosting terminology is that it is practically impossible to ghost on someone in this day and age; I wish it’s opposite thought; that’s why I’m longing for the 80s 😊
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Hahah it's like that landline phone would suddenly ring and it would send shivers down your spine and you'd be deathly afraid to answer it "Oh God please don't let that be *her*"...."Mom,dad,PLEASE don't answer that phone,gulp!!"....and THEN came the magic of Caller ID!!:D
 
carviewsonic said:
We seem to be losing real personal contact in our 'connected' society. Socializing happens on-line rather than face to face. It's easier, but doesn't have as much depth. The pandemic has accelerated this trend, but it was already well underway.

IMO, ghosting is just another symptom of the trend of having fewer relationships which are face to face and in person.
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It appears to me that to many relationships have just become part of our disposable society. Some now don't want to commit to much and relationships are included.
To many, it seems the focus is on "me" and they lack compassion, give and take, and their focus on lasting relationships.
 
Breanna said:
Not referring to myself, just a question in general. When was it, that ghosting became the normal way of breaking up with someone? Back in the old days, people tell me, men and women had enough respect for each other, to most often end a relationship with a conversation. Now the other person is just left wondering if they died, lost their phone, had a car accident?
Discuss.
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Lame. My girlfriend and I are potentially ending our relationship in the near future, and have been discussing it. She came over today just to relax. We ate some food she brought and then went out and shot the Benelli some. Oddly she likes it more than my AR's even if it does push her around a tad with the full house stuff. Anyway, no, breakups are about deciding that someone is simply not right for a certain role in your life, or you are not right in theirs. People have attached so much stigma to them that apparently now some emotionally immature people "go into hiding", apparently, and I find that disgusting. Be a real man/woman/whatever you call yourself, and stand up and say what you mean, and mean what you say, and do with with kindness and understanding, when it's with the ones you love. This is not difficult, it's just hard for some. Normalize it.
 
Shannow said:
28 years, 2 kids, (then 16 and 14)....come home from work and they were gone.

That's it...

Lowest of the low...
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At 14 and 16, those kids can be horribly manipulated by their other parent. They can be talked into doing awful things, like ghosting their dad.

You’re not alone in this. The same thing happened, with the same age kids, to one of my closest friends.

His ex should face eternal justice for her horrible manipulation, the destruction of the relationship with their father, her enabling of the kids’ base desires, all of it just to “win” by converting the kids to her side at great cost to their morality, their future opportunity, and their ultimate mental health.

I believe your ex to be in the same category of horrible manipulator.

Dante reserved the ninth, deepest, circle of the inferno for the falsifiers who manipulate others. It’s always been the very worst sin.
 
My GF had to ghost her ex/father of their kids because he was mentally and physically abusive. It's all situational dependent albeit there's a lot more reasons on why ghosting is unjustified vs justified.
 
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