Breaking Up

[Breanna]

Imo opinion, ghosting someone is a way of showing someone who screwed you over that you honestly just don't care. You're not there begging them to stay, or come back, or not to leave. It's as if you're showing them what it's like when you no longer care, and how it's going to feel that they can no longer be in control of your feelings and emotions, that you did and can walk away.

Because think about it. If someone screwed you over and you finally had enough, what's going to hurt them more, screaming in their face and cussing them out, or disappearing and letting them "wonder"?

That is an interesting take on this subject.

I wouldn't have thought about it that way.

Instead my take on it is they are a coward, lazy, or too stupid to string 3 sentences together, so just remained silent, instead of being thought a fool yet again.

 

[SZR48207]

I have noticed that older generations (or even young people with "older" sensibilities) are more willing to be confrontational (in the respectful sense) about these things.

But kids these days.. they're like hermit crabs who go into hiding if anything around them is sub optimal.

 

[AZjeff]

Because think about it. If someone screwed you over and you finally had enough, what's going to hurt them more, screaming in their face and cussing them out, or disappearing and letting them "wonder"?

So it's all about hurting them more? That's pretty sad.

 

[aquariuscsm]

That is an interesting take on this subject.

I wouldn't have thought about it that way.

Instead my take on it is they are a coward, lazy, or too stupid to string 3 sentences together, so just remained silent, instead of being thought a fool yet again.

And that’s a good way to look at it too,as being cowardly,not being adult enough to resolve things in a grown up manner.

You now made me see it in a different way!!

 

[aquariuscsm]

So it's all about hurting them more? That's pretty sad.

From my perspective if someone whom you trust goes out of their way to “F” you over,you’re obviously not a priority to them,so ghosting them basically shows them you don’t care. Go ahead and hurt me and I will just disappear. Some people want to confront,fight,insult,assault,etc. Ghosting aka walking away just shows them “be careful what you wish for”.

Make the person who hurt you and always assumes and takes for granted that no matter how bad they treat you that you’ll always be there suddenly is gone.

Ghosting that person who shattered you gives them a chance to think about what they’ve done to you.

 

[RooflessVW]

Ghosting is an acceptable way to remove one's self from a toxic relationship.

It is otherwise cowardly.

 

[levi]

If someone ghosts you in a relationship, it's a blessing in disguise, no matter how much it hurts.

That's who you have been dealing with all along but didn't know it.

 

[Breanna]

Learn something new every day--never heard of "ghosting" before. I guess my kids aren't far from dating so it's good to learn about how it's no longer the same.

Being only 18 myself, I've had just 1 relationship. It wasn't going to work out, I knew it, so I sat down with him at a coffee shop, bought us each a hot chocolate and muffin, then calmly explained why it was best we no longer date. Several people were impressed with how I dealt with it. To me, if I am old enough to date someone, I am also old enough to maturely end things.

Any future relationships I have, if they need to be ended, will be done so similarly, not with me ghosting them. It is also important to me not to be a disappointment to my dad. My dad would lose some respect for me I am certain, if I was too cowardly, and lazy, to properly end my relationships. Strikes me as extremely immature also! A friend of mine was recently ghosted, that is how his former girlfriend chose to end things. No way I was going to let her get away with that. She owed him at least a 30 second explanation, and the closure. I forced my friend to get in my car, drove him to her house, walked him to the front door, knocked, and when her father answered, explained clearly to this gentleman what his daughter did, and to please get her. We were invited in, and he yelled for ger to get downstairs and explain herself. This was a father who 'gets it'. Now the mother, and older brother had also come in, and we were all invited to sit in the living room, where her father told her, she owed it to everyone to explain her actions. Coward girl, stammered her way through a brief explanation of how she cheated on him, then ghosted. I thanked her parents and brother for their time, and understanding. Her brother is a good man, he may only be 23, but said in his opinion ghosting is never acceptable. My friend at least had the knowledge now, that he had been dating a slut, who was willing to cheat, and knew he was much better off without her. Thanked me for being brave enough to confront her like that as well. Cowards, cheaters, and scum need to be called out, and held accountable for their actions in my opinion. I was raised by a strong father, who taught me to be accountable for my actions, and the cowardly way, is the wrong way to deal with anything.

 

[aquariuscsm]

Like was mentioned by another poster,ghosting someone depends on the situation. If someone is ever physically or especially mentally abusive towards you,ghosting them shows them that they finally pushed you away,that there’s no turning back,you’re dead to them,you no longer exist. Reasoning with an abuser only gives them that mental leverage that they think they can weasel their way back and reel you back in.

But when you’re suddenly gone,bridges burned,and you’ve disappeared out of their life,they realize what they lost.

 

[ARCOgraphite]

... When was it, that ghosting became the normal way of breaking up with someone? Back in the old days, people tell me, men and women had enough respect for each other, to most often end a relationship with a conversation ...

I'm too old to have heard about "ghosting" since this is the only social platform I'm on, and that
term never came up before where I had noticed it, anyway. I am couple decade older than the O.P's father.

I had a tough break up once - way back in the mid 80's. It was initiated by me.

I thought I broke up "right" with an honest conversation - but then I got "Stalked" for years afterward.
She left hours of voicemail ( ran the tape out on the answering machine )
She found out where I was renting out of state and beat my car with a shovel.
Had tires flattened previously with a kitchen knife.
Had a saxophone thrown at the apartment one night while my (male) room mate and I were watching video rentals

If a relationship was long term or even just three dates with some intimacy, a heartfelt conversation is in order.

But, many are too afraid of having this talk. It shows a lack of character and grit.
Or maybe the cowardice of inexperience.
- Ken

 

[ARCOgraphite]

... My friend at least had the knowledge now, that he had been dating a slut, who was willing to cheat, and knew he was much better off without her. Thanked me for being brave enough to confront her like that as well. Cowards, cheaters, and scum need to be called out, and held accountable for their actions in my opinion. ...

Oh, man! under twenty-five y.o.?

It's "play the field time" and try not to get any diseases.

Hormones are out of control. You may think you are in love or maybe a very strong "like".
But it's likely false, fleeting.
There is comfort in intimacy and it can be misinterpreted.

Unless someone is abusive, just rack it up to experience.

This is Me, Half century later Monday Morning quarterbacking

 

[wpod]

First you get a new significant other lined up them you dump the news on the old significant other or just drop them if they are that bad.

 

[Zee09]

Not referring to myself, just a question in general. When was it, that ghosting became the normal way of breaking up with someone? Back in the old days, people tell me, men and women had enough respect for each other, to most often end a relationship with a conversation. Now the other person is just left wondering if they died, lost their phone, had a car accident, or ***.
Discuss.

Can you teach this ghosting technique to my ex fiancée of 14 years

 

[double vanos]

Well, mine just walked out after lowering the boom on me. Now, 6 months after, I’m realizing what a blessing it was. I have to say, one application of the product is all it’s going to take. Loneliness is a form of serenity, and i love it.

 

[OilUzer]

By the way, funny response, I enjoyed it.

By 'old days' lets call that anything before I was born, so pre 2002.
I hang out most of the time with people double my age, and up. So I hear about how things used to be often. It seemed like society in general cared about each other more, had more respect in many cases. When my dad ( recently turned 49 ) was younger, he dated several people, but it just wasn't going to work out, so like a man, he talked to these women, and end the relationship, so they had closure. What he didn't do was never talk to them again, so they wondered what happened to him.

on a serious note, even in old days I've had many cases that the girls would tell me maybe next week or later or they are busy ... After the second call (look up landline. lol), I would move on to the next in the queue ...
Tell your friend not to worry and move on. don't dwell on the past specifically when dealing with "cheap dino". Some people are rude or insecure and/or scared.

I don't think people have fundamentally changed that much over the years but are more distant and less trusting of others especially in big cities and the internet age.
I don't even trust the internet. I sold a few thing on Craig's list and my wife says don't give them our address. I usually meet them in a parking lot of a crowded store during daylight.

btw, hope the old people ("double your age and up") you hang out with, are your trusted family members. Otherwise, in general I would highly recommend against it until you are at least 28-30 years old. Even then the age gap is too much and not much in common unless it's a family member or a special situation ... When I was 18 or so (your age) we considered even 23 year old girls kind of old and we NEVER hung out with guys much older. Mostly our age +/- 1 or 2.
wrong kind of old people can be manipulative ... Hope I'm not being condescending!

 

[aquariuscsm]

on a serious note, even in old days I've had many cases that the girls would tell me maybe next week or later or they are busy ... After the second call (look up landline. lol), I would move on to the next in the queue ...
Tell your friend not to worry and move on. don't dwell on the past specifically when dealing with "cheap dino". Some people are rude or insecure and/or scared.

I don't think people have fundamentally changed that much over the years but are more distant and less trusting of others especially in big cities and the internet age.
I don't even trust the internet. I sold a few thing on Craig's list and my wife says don't give them our address. I usually meet them in a parking lot of a crowded store during daylight.

btw, hope the old people ("double your age and up") you hang out with, are your trusted family members. Otherwise, in general I would highly recommend against it until you are at least 28-30 years old. Even then the age gap is too much and not much in common unless it's a family member or a special situation ... When I was 18 or so (your age) we considered even 23 year old girls kind of old and we NEVER hung out with guys much older. Mostly our age +/- 1 or 2.
wrong kind of old people can be manipulative ... Hope I'm not being condescending!

Speaking of landlines,Caller ID was a WONDERFUL invention haha!!

 

[spasm3]

I've posted before that common decent manners , seems to not be taught or perhaps expected during childhood.
In fairness, if not taught or examples set as a child , how will that child as an adult suddenly posses them.

I think technology, as fantastic as it is, is denting social skills.

 

[fedvet]

Not referring to myself, just a question in general. When was it, that ghosting became the normal way of breaking up with someone? Back in the old days, people tell me, men and women had enough respect for each other, to most often end a relationship with a conversation. Now the other person is just left wondering if they died, lost their phone, had a car accident, or ***.
Discuss.

It must’ve become prevalent when people lost the ability or nerve to communicate one on one, in person or, worst case, by phone or mail.

 

[PandaBear]

Not referring to myself, just a question in general. When was it, that ghosting became the normal way of breaking up with someone? Back in the old days, people tell me, men and women had enough respect for each other, to most often end a relationship with a conversation. Now the other person is just left wondering if they died, lost their phone, had a car accident, or ***.
Discuss.

I think it started at least 10 years ago. I remember one job interview has interviewer never call me back, until a year later when he has another opening better suit me. Nothing personal, I went for the second interview and I got the job.

I think I heard that ghosting was called a "California No".

Regarding to relationship like romance, I think the thinking is 1) You don't give the other side a way to get mad back at you and throw tantrum, and 2) You keep them in the backup list just in case you are getting back together. Seriously we are now in the age of hook up and short term relationship so people cannot expect anything longer than a one night stand being a "serious" relationship as before and need to formally break up. This is like people stop visiting a restaurant, they don't show up and tell the chef they can't stand their food anymore, they just don't go back and started eating elsewhere, but they might come back once in a while.

 

[PandaBear]

So it's all about hurting them more? That's pretty sad.

I don't think it is about hurting more or being more willing to confront people.

Relationship has changed gradually over the decades. We are not in the age of "seeing" someone or "dating" someone, we are now in the age of "talking" with someone or "hook up".

This is like people going to an opera all dressed up, vs turning on Netflix on their laptop in the bedroom. You don't need to formally break up with anyone anymore.