Just been thinking lately about this. I feel so different in this world. It's not a bad thing. Just I feel out of place at times and then again I don't.
I am the person that can hug a 101 yr old lady for 5 minutes while she's scared and teary eyed. Letting her know that she is safe and that I am with her, and that she will be ok.
And yet I am the same guy that got shall we say super mad and grabbed a patient who was running at me being chased from the 3rd floor unto the 2nd floor where I was working ( this patient was HIV positive by the way) and just about three him into the wall after he had punched and knocked out my lady co worker upstairs. I was quite angry because he had hit a woman upstairs. I did what I did because of that and to protect my lady co workers on the 2nd floor from this guy.
And yet I am the same guy that hugged and held a lady just after her mother had passed away. I did that for well over 5 minutes. I had tears in my eyes afterwards. I took a lap around the ICU and was ok.
I am the guy who in front of 580 people with tears in my eyes at times spoke to them from my heart about how we can come back from anything, live a different life, and be restored. In the middle of that crowd was my father. I was speaking to him. Hoping... just somehow that he knew... that I loved him... that all past wrongs were forgiven... that he could make things better for himself... be who he really was.. the best he could be... that no matter what or where he had been he could come all the way back from it.. my father bring a alcoholic needed to know that his son loved him and just wanted the best for him... and yet there were 580 other people in that place that evening. I handed the microphone off and went outside. I came back inside to find that there was a seat open right next to my father. I sat down next to him. It was one of the few times I saw him with tears in his eyes. Afterwards he told me he was proud of me.
In my sports playing days I was known to get cranked up and quite hot at times. I was known to go after people in volleyball and try to hit them in the face with the ball if I got irritated enough. Which to be fair... they tried to do the same thing to me. One night one of my best friends Scott and I got mad at each other. We both were trying hit each other upside the head with the volleyball. I hit the ball over each of his shoulders while he was in his back row position. Yet, after the game we were just fine. All was let go and forgiven. Kind of like Wylie coyote and the roadrunner at their time clock. Didn't change the fact I cared about him greatly.
I like working on my car at times.. I enjoy learning new things about how things work with my car.. I like understanding how things work and how to prevent bad things from happening with my car.
And I am the same guy that talks with one of the patients I take care of even though she doesn't speak. Yet, she always smiles at me when I talk to her. A number of times she will gently grab my hand and she will bring it up and kiss the back of my hand. That is quite special to me. I treat those older people like they are my grandparents. I want them to know that I truly respect and care for them very deeply. Has it been hard losing some of them?? Absolutely. But I wouldn't do it any different. The ones who have passed on I remember all of the good times.
Then again, I love sports quite a bit. I know every Super Bowl score from first to the last without cracking a book. I can tell you all of the big moments in most of those games, who were the bigtime players in many of them. I am about as knowledgeable about the NBA after the late 70s..
I am.. just a little bit of everything. I can be a guy's guy at times.. but I can also talk with someone about a very serious life circumstance without any hesitation. I don't try to tell others what to do, I don't stand in judgement over others realizing that I am no where near worthy of that place, however I will try to guide them to a better path if I can. I can be that guy who's filled with a literal pack of wild dogs so to speak and get cranked up mad and regulate a situation in order to protect others.
I try to live my life with a strong sense of purpose. I want to step up and be better for those who need me to be better. I have felt the greatest sense of purpose in front of hundreds of people sharing with them a message of hope and forgiveness as well as alone in a room with a 101 yr old lady who just needed someone to hold her and let her know that she is safe and that I was there with her.
I am so very fortunate and thankful for family and friends in my life who have helped me along the way.
I am the person that can hug a 101 yr old lady for 5 minutes while she's scared and teary eyed. Letting her know that she is safe and that I am with her, and that she will be ok.
And yet I am the same guy that got shall we say super mad and grabbed a patient who was running at me being chased from the 3rd floor unto the 2nd floor where I was working ( this patient was HIV positive by the way) and just about three him into the wall after he had punched and knocked out my lady co worker upstairs. I was quite angry because he had hit a woman upstairs. I did what I did because of that and to protect my lady co workers on the 2nd floor from this guy.
And yet I am the same guy that hugged and held a lady just after her mother had passed away. I did that for well over 5 minutes. I had tears in my eyes afterwards. I took a lap around the ICU and was ok.
I am the guy who in front of 580 people with tears in my eyes at times spoke to them from my heart about how we can come back from anything, live a different life, and be restored. In the middle of that crowd was my father. I was speaking to him. Hoping... just somehow that he knew... that I loved him... that all past wrongs were forgiven... that he could make things better for himself... be who he really was.. the best he could be... that no matter what or where he had been he could come all the way back from it.. my father bring a alcoholic needed to know that his son loved him and just wanted the best for him... and yet there were 580 other people in that place that evening. I handed the microphone off and went outside. I came back inside to find that there was a seat open right next to my father. I sat down next to him. It was one of the few times I saw him with tears in his eyes. Afterwards he told me he was proud of me.
In my sports playing days I was known to get cranked up and quite hot at times. I was known to go after people in volleyball and try to hit them in the face with the ball if I got irritated enough. Which to be fair... they tried to do the same thing to me. One night one of my best friends Scott and I got mad at each other. We both were trying hit each other upside the head with the volleyball. I hit the ball over each of his shoulders while he was in his back row position. Yet, after the game we were just fine. All was let go and forgiven. Kind of like Wylie coyote and the roadrunner at their time clock. Didn't change the fact I cared about him greatly.
I like working on my car at times.. I enjoy learning new things about how things work with my car.. I like understanding how things work and how to prevent bad things from happening with my car.
And I am the same guy that talks with one of the patients I take care of even though she doesn't speak. Yet, she always smiles at me when I talk to her. A number of times she will gently grab my hand and she will bring it up and kiss the back of my hand. That is quite special to me. I treat those older people like they are my grandparents. I want them to know that I truly respect and care for them very deeply. Has it been hard losing some of them?? Absolutely. But I wouldn't do it any different. The ones who have passed on I remember all of the good times.
Then again, I love sports quite a bit. I know every Super Bowl score from first to the last without cracking a book. I can tell you all of the big moments in most of those games, who were the bigtime players in many of them. I am about as knowledgeable about the NBA after the late 70s..
I am.. just a little bit of everything. I can be a guy's guy at times.. but I can also talk with someone about a very serious life circumstance without any hesitation. I don't try to tell others what to do, I don't stand in judgement over others realizing that I am no where near worthy of that place, however I will try to guide them to a better path if I can. I can be that guy who's filled with a literal pack of wild dogs so to speak and get cranked up mad and regulate a situation in order to protect others.
I try to live my life with a strong sense of purpose. I want to step up and be better for those who need me to be better. I have felt the greatest sense of purpose in front of hundreds of people sharing with them a message of hope and forgiveness as well as alone in a room with a 101 yr old lady who just needed someone to hold her and let her know that she is safe and that I was there with her.
I am so very fortunate and thankful for family and friends in my life who have helped me along the way.
