Anybody delt with Alzheimers or Dementia?

[Chris142]

My dad is 86 and has had Alzheimers and Dementia for about 6 years now. My mom was taking care of him.

Mom got Pneumonia and was gone about 3 weeks. I cant leave my dad alone because he's dangerous to himself. I paid the neighbor "Kids" to baby sit him while I was at work. These "kids" are 18 or older. Smart enough to know how to call 911 if they had to.

Well mom tripped over her oxygen hose and broke her hip. I'm unable to provide 24hr care for both of them. Mom now needs help getting to the bathroom and such. I put her in a nursing home. She really likes it there and I like the people too.

They do a great job of caring for her.

Dad has been getting angry with everybody around him. He does not understand that he's sick.

He has pushed and hit me, pushed one of the girls and gave another one a fat lip. Threw a few of them out of the house, broke windows, thrown pots and pans etc.

He's unpredictable. One minute hes funny and then he turns around and tries to attack whoever is around.

Tomorrow I'm taking him to a home for Alzheimers patients. He does not know this, not that he would remember it anyway.

I feel guilty but I also know that it's the best thing for everybody. He will have 24hr care by people that are trained to deal with this disease.

I will get my sanity back. The constant questions and following him around constantly at night is wearing me down.

And he won't be beating up the hired help.

We have tried all kinds of prescription drugs for this and nothing helps. If anything they made him more agressive.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

 

[simple_gifts]

I wish you good luck with this; chances are I will be facing the same issue in a few years, except my parents are 500 miles away.

Trying to keep him in his home really wouldn't be helping anyone.

 

[Spazdog]

Dealing with it now. 76 years old.

No violence. But that doesn't make it any easier.

It is such a difficult decision. So very difficult. I wish I knew what to say. But I don't

 

[The_Eric]

So very sorry to hear this. It is a terrible thing to have to deal with.

Out of curiosity, is there any way you can place your mother with your father or is she okay with being apart? I know I'd be out of my mind if I were separated from my wife. Please don't mistake this as judging you - if it is worded in a way that comes off as so, please don't take it as such because that is not my intent.

 

[Cutehumor]

it may not be realistic for them to be together in the nursing home. some facilities have requirements on what type of patients they will take.

 

[Chris142]

Originally Posted By: The_Eric
So very sorry to hear this. It is a terrible thing to have to deal with.

Out of curiosity, is there any way you can place your mother with your father or is she okay with being apart? I know I'd be out of my mind if I were separated from my wife. Please don't mistake this as judging you - if it is worded in a way that comes off as so, please don't take it as such because that is not my intent.
We discussed this and mom, me and her nursing home didn't think that it would be a good idea. He's always been verbily abusive and now physically so we decided this would not be a good idea. She needs a break from him basically.

Physically hes in great shape. He walks his fat dog up and down the hills in our area. Forgets that he walked the dog and goes several times a day.

The poor dog comes back panting and dads rearing to go again.

Thursday was really bad for me. I was washing dishes in the dishwasher, watering the trees and trying to keep him from over feeding the dog.

He would get out the dog food and I would put it away, while I did this he turned the tree off, I turned the tree on and he would turn the dishwasher off. I'd turn the dishwasher on only to see him feeding the dog again, I took the dog food and he turned the tree off again! We did this for an hr.

 

[HTSS_TR]

Originally Posted By: Chris142
Originally Posted By: The_Eric
So very sorry to hear this. It is a terrible thing to have to deal with.

Out of curiosity, is there any way you can place your mother with your father or is she okay with being apart? I know I'd be out of my mind if I were separated from my wife. Please don't mistake this as judging you - if it is worded in a way that comes off as so, please don't take it as such because that is not my intent.

We discussed this and mom, me and her nursing home didn't think that it would be a good idea. He's always been verbily abusive and now physically so we decided this would not be a good idea. She needs a break from him basically.

Physically hes in great shape. He walks his fat dog up and down the hills in our area. Forgets that he walked the dog and goes several times a day.

The poor dog comes back panting and dads rearing to go again.

Thursday was really bad for me. I was washing dishes in the dishwasher, watering the trees and trying to keep him from over feeding the dog.

He would get out the dog food and I would put it away, while I did this he turned the tree off, I turned the tree on and he would turn the dishwasher off. I'd turn the dishwasher on only to see him feeding the dog again, I took the dog food and he turned the tree off again! We did this for an hr.

Remember one thing. Our parents spent more than 20 years loving/raising us to become who we are today, whatever we are doing now for them is nothing compare with what they had done for us. We are just repaying a very small portion of the debt we owed them.

We should feel that we are lucky to see them day by day and do what we can for them, when they passed way we will wish that we can do more but that was over.

 

[FirstNissan]

Hi Chris, I have dealt with this in the family personally, its very demanding, very very stressful, CAREGIVERS are very prone to depression, anger, mood swings. What you need to constantly remind yourself is that this is a parent/family member/loved one. Always keep reminding yourself of the good times, its depressing to see someone deteriorate right infront of your eyes, but this is a time when your loved one needs you the most. Know that what you are doing now is a fraction of what they have probably done for you. This is also the time that most family members turn away from those in need, since the task of caring for an alzheimers patient is so incredibly difficult and demanding. Keep at it! Good luck and God Bless.

 

[crazyoildude]

I hope everything works out for you my Loving Father is gone now and my Loving Mother is now 80 and in good health both mind and body i hope and pray she stays in good health..
I can only imagine how hard it is for you... Good Luck..

 

[The_Eric]

Originally Posted By: HTSS_TR
Originally Posted By: Chris142
Originally Posted By: The_Eric
So very sorry to hear this. It is a terrible thing to have to deal with.

Out of curiosity, is there any way you can place your mother with your father or is she okay with being apart? I know I'd be out of my mind if I were separated from my wife. Please don't mistake this as judging you - if it is worded in a way that comes off as so, please don't take it as such because that is not my intent.

We discussed this and mom, me and her nursing home didn't think that it would be a good idea. He's always been verbily abusive and now physically so we decided this would not be a good idea. She needs a break from him basically.

Physically hes in great shape. He walks his fat dog up and down the hills in our area. Forgets that he walked the dog and goes several times a day.

The poor dog comes back panting and dads rearing to go again.

Thursday was really bad for me. I was washing dishes in the dishwasher, watering the trees and trying to keep him from over feeding the dog.

He would get out the dog food and I would put it away, while I did this he turned the tree off, I turned the tree on and he would turn the dishwasher off. I'd turn the dishwasher on only to see him feeding the dog again, I took the dog food and he turned the tree off again! We did this for an hr.

Remember one thing. Our parents spent more than 20 years loving/raising us to become who we are today, whatever we are doing now for them is nothing compare with what they had done for us. We are just repaying a very small portion of the debt we owed them.

We should feel that we are lucky to see them day by day and do what we can for them, when they passed way we will wish that we can do more but that was over.


Yes, we do owe them a great deal, but I feel the circumstances are a bit different.

 

[doitmyself]

Life sure does it's best to beat us down. Please seek help and guidance to assist your tremendous challenge.

Our prayers will go out for you and your family.

 

[MONKEYMAN]

Sorry to hear all you are dealing with. My stepfather's friend had Alzheimers for years and became very violent. Having Alzheimers is a great fear of my stepfather. He is currently loosing or lost much of his short term memory. I recently bought a book called Stop Alzheimers Now by Dr. Bruce Fife. I gave it to my stepfather, but did not read it. I have listened to Dr. Fife on several radio programs. Research is showing a high fat diet very helpful, specifically with coconut oil. It has something to do with Keytones. It is about the only fat I eat and is great for the brain. Dr. Fife has had success in reversing Alzheimers. It may be too late for your father. My problem is my mom had dysplasia, shingles, atrial fibrilation, and a stroke over a year ago. She is barely able to walk. Though my stepfather is interested in doing anything to not get Alzheimers he has not embraced changing his diet.

 

[LargeCarManX2]

Don't ever feel guilty for what you did. The person going through the pain of losing their mind is angry....I would be too! The brain is being waisted by a (for the lack of a better word)a vine or fungus. Each basic thing that is done, eating, drinking, going to the bathroom is forgotton. Sooner or later the mind forgets to have the throat swallow. At this point, a shunt will be installed to feed and hydrate the body. It truly is a diease that kills the brain, but the body lives on. At this point, a decision will need to be made on if you let the body die...or let it live....remember the brain is dead and all that was present at one time. Your greif has just started, you will need to get together with your family to make some serious decisions. If any diease could be cured with a wish...I would choose this one. You will never be the same; Iam not.

 

[crinkles]

it's a terrible affliction; wife's grandma is 80 and has no idea where she is who the people (her family) around her is... speaks really disjointed, but sometimes something comes up from 50 years ago perfectly clear.

 

[Cristobal]

Hang in there Chris. Your decisions seem to be on the right track, so let your mind be at ease. There is no easy way to get through it. It is good that your folks have you to watch over them.

 

[Autografe]

I went through something similar with my brother a few years ago. He developed a fast moving form called Lewey Body Dementia. It is not Alzheimer's but the symptoms are similar. He started showing signs at 56 and by 59 he had to be institutionalized because he required so much care my sister in law could no longer provide it at home. When I would spell her on weekends I I did not sleep for 48 hours. He had to be watched constantly. His wife and I made the decision to put him in nursing home care because there was no other choice. It was the most heart wrenching decision I ever made except for having to sign a DNR when he developed a fatal infection a few months after he entered the NH. 3 years later the guilt is still with me. But we have to make difficult choices sometimes, choices that cause us great pain but are the right thing to do. A previous poster hit on one fact. It is becoming harder to find a regular NH that will take a dementia patient. It makes having spouses in the same home difficult. I spent 25 years working with NH's as a state Medicaid worker. My advice, if you have a loved one suffering from dementia try to get them into a home as close to you as possible. Someone who is truly concerned with that one person's well being will need to check on him/her at least once a day. Trust me.

 

[XS650]

Chris,
Some of my friends have aging parents that are Alzheimer's patients. An Alzheimer's care home is the way to go. None of them were able to manage to adequately care for their parents at home. Autografe gave some good advice, check in at the home at least daily if you can. It will be good for you and patients who have caring family show up daily tend to get better care from the staff.

 

[Spyder7]

Both my surviving grandparents are in their 90s and have it. My Grandfather going back many years now, while my Grandmother has only very recently developed signs of early stage dementia. No ill temper from either, and my Grandmother is so early into it that signs are barely noticeable. My Grandfather, on the other hand, remembers less and less and has become progressively more withdrawn, mostly the latter occurring over the past year or two. They've both been in a personal care home for about the last 3 years.

It sounds like you are doing the best you can under very difficult and stressful circumstances. Hang in there, hope all works out for the better soon.

-Spyder

 

[greenaccord02]

Very sorry to hear this, Chris, but it sounds like you're doing what I would do. Don't let anybody tell you you're making a bad decision. Check on them often and know that you're providing them the best care possible.

 

[Lead Shoes]

I was a dietary aide at a nursing home for a while, they had a special wing for Alzheimer and dementia patients, they were all very nice, but could flip in less than 3 seconds, all rather nice people with a mental illness, none of it is your fault and it is a sad part of their life, but its probably time to start researching a facility that is specially aimed at patients like him to try and help him gain some of his life back.

Good luck with your grandparents, I know the sadness you feel...