What would you do?
- Thread starter RedOak
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- Sep 28, 2002
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I'm with toomanywheels here. Some mellow with age ...others don't. No reason to administer benevolence under fire ...especially when the salvos are from the beneficiary. Sometimes, time doesn't wound all heels
He hasn't forgiven you for de-flowering his daughter.
Kestas
Staff member
RedOak, I too am a guy that like to do oil changes and also likes to help people. You'll have to learn to let this one go. I know it's hard to watch family squander money this way, but for the sake of peace in the family and your sanity, you'll have to back off.
Firmly tell your FIL that his car needs regular oil changes and that it needs to be topped off between oil changes, or else the engine will go south. Also tell him that you are not willing to go out of your way to check the oil or change it off his property bacause it's nuts to do so. Tell him in a way that he knows there will be changes in the way you help him. Then keep quiet, or else you'll turn into a nag. If anything happens in the future, you can remind him of what you said and he can then only blame himself.
Thankfully, my family trusts me in all areas of car maintenance and respects my skills working with cars. For close friends I offer my help only when asked, and even then I give them disclaimers about things that can go wrong, such as snapping rusty bolts, and that they're responsible for any such consequential repairs.
Since this is an interpersonal problem, and not a technical one, I'm very curious where your wife stands on this issue.
Firmly tell your FIL that his car needs regular oil changes and that it needs to be topped off between oil changes, or else the engine will go south. Also tell him that you are not willing to go out of your way to check the oil or change it off his property bacause it's nuts to do so. Tell him in a way that he knows there will be changes in the way you help him. Then keep quiet, or else you'll turn into a nag. If anything happens in the future, you can remind him of what you said and he can then only blame himself.
Thankfully, my family trusts me in all areas of car maintenance and respects my skills working with cars. For close friends I offer my help only when asked, and even then I give them disclaimers about things that can go wrong, such as snapping rusty bolts, and that they're responsible for any such consequential repairs.
Since this is an interpersonal problem, and not a technical one, I'm very curious where your wife stands on this issue.
I have 2 cars and 2 vans that need oil changes next month. Your welcome to come and entertain yourself.
We should have cooler weather by then. I might even spring for a trip to Outback. Bring the wife. She can go shopping with mine while we play in the oil.
LOL! If only....
I'm with the others. Drop the subject forever. When his truck expires due to his own neglect and he starts whining to you, change the subject and talk about the weather. I used to do changes for a few family members, but generally it's more trouble than it's worth. I now help only my sister in law. She has common sense about vehicle maintenance and appreciates my help.
I'm reminded of a saying that I don't always agree with but seems to come true more than I'd like:
"No good deed goes unpunished"
Terrible way to look at things but once or twice I've had it happen. I too try to be helpful to friends and family with car problems or have done some oil changes. But I've made it clear up front that they buy the oil and filter, with my recommendation for brand, and I'll do the oil change for free. And at my residence. It has worked out well, for the most part.
"No good deed goes unpunished"
Terrible way to look at things but once or twice I've had it happen. I too try to be helpful to friends and family with car problems or have done some oil changes. But I've made it clear up front that they buy the oil and filter, with my recommendation for brand, and I'll do the oil change for free. And at my residence. It has worked out well, for the most part.
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