The Best Divorce Letter Ever

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My Dear husband: I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been [censored]. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw. Last week, you came home & you didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone. Signed, Your ex-Wife. P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to Invercargill together! Have a great life! Dear Ex-wife Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & [censored]. Too bad it didn’t completely work. I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy!' Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven't eaten pork for 7 years. About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on it, & I prayed it was just a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of that, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I won the 20 million dollar Lotto, on Saturday, I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dollar from me. So take care. Signed, Your ex-Husband, (Rich As [censored] & Free!) P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
 

Bluestream

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Originally Posted By: webfors
LOL... excellent. But she would still get half, and we all know it grin2
Sad but true!... boxing
 
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Originally Posted By: Bluestream
Originally Posted By: webfors
LOL... excellent. But she would still get half, and we all know it grin2
Sad but true!... boxing
Don't you mean AT LEAST half?
 
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LOL!!! It depends. If the infidelity can be proved, the guy may walk away with his property intact. It's happened before.
 
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Too bad that never happens in Florida. No Fault Divorce. People need to learn to try and fix it. If you can't fix it then cut it clean and MOVE ON! My very wealthy Father-in-Law once asked me for advice about his wife of 35 years re: divorce. I told him to buy her a beach condo, a new sports car, and give her a generous allowance but DO NOT DIVORCE HER!!! But they did, and now he sends her a huge check every month so he can continue to feel the pain forever. I would have sold one of those houses and sent her a lump sum.
 
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Originally Posted By: sciphi
LOL!!! It depends. If the infidelity can be proved, the guy may walk away with his property intact. It's happened before.
This is a humor thread, but what you are saying is seldom true in the US. Most states have no-fault divorce so they don't give a hoot if your wife is sleeping with your brother. My ex-wife cheated and in IL, it doesn't matter. Not for custody, not for property distribution. Now, back to the humor.
 
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Originally Posted By: Schmoe
That's funny, but reality wise, she'd get HALF.
She did get half. Right down the middle. And she will continue to get it monthly since he was too stupid to take my excellent advice! She deserved it, too.
 
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Originally Posted By: SteveSRT8
Too bad that never happens in Florida. No Fault Divorce. People need to learn to try and fix it. If you can't fix it then cut it clean and MOVE ON! My very wealthy Father-in-Law once asked me for advice about his wife of 35 years re: divorce. I told him to buy her a beach condo, a new sports car, and give her a generous allowance but DO NOT DIVORCE HER!!! But they did, and now he sends her a huge check every month so he can continue to feel the pain forever. I would have sold one of those houses and sent her a lump sum.
Nothing like paying for a cow you can't milk. Dan
 
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Originally Posted By: Bluestream
Originally Posted By: webfors
LOL... excellent. But she would still get half, and we all know it grin2
Sad but true!... boxing
Not quite. there's a case near here of a bloke whose wife walked unannounced, and he won a pretty decent lottery while she was off...she tried for half, and got squat.
 
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He'd have to report it to be legal. Were it me, I'd wait a good long time, you've got 6 months to claim a lottery winning, and quitely establish a different residence. Then when it's announced that someone won, it would be for someone in Puerto Rico. You can, I believe, request that your name not be released. While not foolproof, it might work. Better fools are being born every day, though.
 

Bluestream

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The way it is done here in Canada is a "date of separation" is established. A date at which the marriage broke down. After that date each party gets to "eat what they kill" for lack of a better word. So in our friends case the letter would establish the date of separation, and if the lottery was won after that date, the cash is all his.
 
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