Teachers & Cops

Messages
4,839
Location
Kansas
Got this in an email. I won't check on the validity of it, but somewhat funny nevertheless. Apologies ahead of time if it's a repeat. Teachers & Cops These are actual comments made on students ' report cards by teachers in the (deleted to protect the school) public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!) 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. 6. The student has a ' full six-pack ' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together. 7. This child has been working with glue too much. 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell. 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. 11.. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others. 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers (they were not reprimanded). The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: 1. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one yo u just went through..' 2. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.' 3. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.' 4. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.' 5. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.' 6. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?' 7. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?' 8. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.' 9. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?' 10. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.' 11. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.' 12. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.' 13. 'How big were those ' two beers ' you say you had?' 14. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.' 15. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.' AND THE WINNER IS..... 16. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'
 
Messages
1,064
Location
Gulf Coast
Hahaha its even funnier to me because my wife is teacher...and my best friend is a sheriff. Based on what I hear at the dinner table, and riding around in my friends patrol car, I would say those are actual comments.
 
Messages
180
Location
mcminnville tn
 Originally Posted By: hate2work
16. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'
I saw that line actually used. I think it was on a show called speeders. Kinda like Cops. The lady said "I thought you guys don't give pretty girls tickets!" And that was his reply.
 
Messages
3,730
Location
SE PA
 Originally Posted By: soldierman
 Originally Posted By: hate2work
16. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'
I saw that line actually used. I think it was on a show called speeders. Kinda like Cops. The lady said "I thought you guys don't give pretty girls tickets!" And that was his reply.
I saw that one.
 
Messages
715
Location
Ks
A couple nights ago our street got together to start a neighborhood watch. The cop that came was a girl with pink handcuffs. She said when she arrests guys, she tells them "Nothing says you just got your butt kicked by a 6'2" chubby blond chick light pink handcuffs"
 
Messages
39,811
Location
Great Lakes
Early morning, an old cop is hiding in the median, waiting for his first victim of the day. Unfortunately, hours go by, yet he's not really seeing any speeders. He's frustrated, almost getting ready to leave when a teenager flies by at high speed. He pulls him over, walks up to his car, and says: - Son, I've been waiting on ya all morning! To which the kid replies: - Officer, I got here as quickly as I could.
 
Top