RNC Schedule

[moribundman]

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE
New York, NY


6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting Your Kid a Military Deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Freedom Fries served
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Carl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple
10:30 PM Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel Squishy Inside
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy
11:10 PM Hillary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

 

[Pablo]

Those are funny stereotypes!!! Not a Republican I know is like that, but funny in a "gotta have a sense of humor" kinda way.

edit - fixed a typo, misspelled "drunken b@st@rds"

[ May 25, 2004, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: Pablo ]

 

[moribundman]

I just wanted to offer some stereotypical views other than the ones I usually see on this board. And sure, it's obviously a parody -- at least partially.

 

[Dan4510]

Great parody.

I think it would have been funnier if Rush would have been given his dose of medicine every hour rather than waking him up though.

I have heard him advocate putting all druggies in jail, but when it comes to him, its just a mistake...funny how those rules work I think.

Dan

 

[ALS]

That is great I could add a few to that list that would make it funnier. Personally I feel it's not far enough to the right to really parady the republican party. How to keep your daughter a Virgin until she's 30. George Bush on how to beat a DUI. Oil Drilling for fun and profit. ect......

 

[John S.]

How to keep your daughter a virgin until she is 30? Obviously you never had a teen age daughter.

 

[moribundman]

Remember the part about this being a parody?

PS: See 10:40 PM on the schedule.