Any of you retired guys have a wife that keeps questioning you about how much you got done that day and implying that you don't do enough? Seems like if a person worked hard all their life, made good money to retire on should be able to be on their own schedule in retirement and not have someone grading their performance every day. I don't mean for a guy to sit around. One needs to get things done that need to be done but shouldn't we also have the freedom to relax in retirement?
Thoughts on how to handle this?
Retired guys question
- Thread starter callbay
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I'm not retired, but my father is.
I think its best to "do" things just to keep your mind going, have a purpose ect. Maybe thats why she is being hard on you/pestering you about it?
Or she is jealous (if she is still working, it would make sense that you keep the place clean, dishes ect).
I was reading the post, took a nap, now I cannot remember what the question was.
Take off and go somewhere, alone. That's what I do.
Not retired....but I see your point of view 
But, I can also understand HER point of view.....just because you're retired doesn't mean you can sit around the 'puter or television all day lounging around eating munchies, and dirtying up the kitchen (not doing the dishes, and other daily chores, etc...).
Not saying YOU do this, and don't think of it as a personal attack, please....but I hope you understand what I'm saying
Even though you're retired, doesn't mean you don't have to do ANYTHING.
That could be seen as "avoiding the problem" though You gotta be careful with that one.....THEN AGAIN, on the other side of the coin, perhaps, that's what she WANTS you to do...? 
Get up and out of the house, and leave her alone...?
But, I can also understand HER point of view.....just because you're retired doesn't mean you can sit around the 'puter or television all day lounging around eating munchies, and dirtying up the kitchen (not doing the dishes, and other daily chores, etc...).
Not saying YOU do this, and don't think of it as a personal attack, please....but I hope you understand what I'm saying
Even though you're retired, doesn't mean you don't have to do ANYTHING.
Quote:
Take off and go somewhere, alone. That's what I do.
You gotta be careful with that one.....THEN AGAIN, on the other side of the coin, perhaps, that's what she WANTS you to do...? Get up and out of the house, and leave her alone...? Kestas
Staff member
You haven't yet mentioned her situation, other than being married to you. Does she work (earnng a wage)? Has she worked, and is now retired with you?
Like mentioned above, she may be resentful of you not equally sharing the housework, or she may used to you being "productive", which has changed since retirement.
Just get some money out of the bank, pack a couple of suitcases, and vanish (don't tell a soul where you are going). Take a drive out to Nevada or somewhere. Come back in a week or two and I am sure you will find a changed attitude. That is what I did once.
Originally Posted By: Cristobal
Just get some money out of the bank, pack a couple of suitcases, and vanish (don't tell a soul where you are going). Take a drive out to Nevada or somewhere. Come back in a week or two and I am sure you will find a changed attitude. That is what I did once.
What I'd do is knock out some chores during the week. Even go as far as making a list so that you to do 30 to an hour of work around the house a day on a two week rotating schedule. This knocks out almost all the house chores with minimal effort on your part and none on hers.
That should shut her up. If not... "That's how the fight started."
I retired over 10 years ago and now help my wife with the std. household chores, doing the dishes at times, we do not have a dishwasher, even learned to do the wash, sure makes her feel better and gets me off my hieny doing something useful.
if you get rid of the wife, give her all the things, house, car, cat, dog, mower, sink ect. you take as much money as you can, you can make money with money but not with the house.
Originally Posted By: Cristobal
Just get some money out of the bank, pack a couple of suitcases, and vanish (don't tell a soul where you are going). Take a drive out to Nevada or somewhere. Come back in a week or two and I am sure you will find a changed attitude. That is what I did once.
Originally Posted By: jcwit
I retired over 10 years ago and now help my wife with the std. household chores, doing the dishes at times, we do not have a dishwasher, even learned to do the wash, sure makes her feel better and gets me off my hieny doing something useful.
Originally Posted By: Cristobal
Come back in a week or two and I am sure you will find a changed attitude.
Say that this retired guy (wife retired too) gets all his half of the work around the house done including 1/2 of the cleaning and most all the maintainance. Most days gets several fix it type of things done. Then still gets "judged" every day on his performance.
Originally Posted By: callbay
Say that this retired guy (wife retired too) gets all his half of the work around the house done including 1/2 of the cleaning and most all the maintainance. Most days gets several fix it type of things done. Then still gets "judged" every day on his performance.
Originally Posted By: callbay
Thoughts on how to handle this?
This is a married guy thing but I like getting the house hold chores done when the wife is out because
1) I do them half-fast but
2) I DO them. Yeah I don't move the couch to vacuum. Deal.
3) I do them appropriately cheap. No extra "feel good" rinses on the washing machine.
4) I set things up correctly. A fan in the window should blow OUT the window, as the heat from the fan motor then goes outside. The air will get sucked in somewhere else, it's a law of nature.
This grousing aside, I always tell stupid stories about work. I can spin a yarn about the most inane thing and drag it out a long time. If you're like this, she may subconsciously miss this "excitement" (and I use that term, referring to myself, loosely!)
I'm "sort of" retired-I work my own hours doing QA and consulting and normally work 2-4 days a week for 3-6 hours a day. I'm also part owner in a winery and spend 3-5 afternoons a week there, so the "real" owner can focus on outside sales. It's about as retired as I'll ever allow myself to be.
I still get most of the weekly laundry and housework done, since my wife still works a "real" job. Dinner is usually waiting unless she is picking up some fresh fish on her way home. During and after dinner we discuss what we've done during the day and just talk about anything and everything. It's far better than turning on the idiot box and parking on the couch in front of it.
Should we have the freedom to relax in retirement? Sure. Should we actually "relax" in retirement? The very question that your wife is asking points to either a concern that you're sitting around doing nothing, or a genuine interest in your day. If you really are spending time parked on the couch watching the idiot box, then by all means she's right in prodding you to get up and get moving. If it's an interest in how you spent your day, consider yourself very lucky that your wife is interested in knowing about your activities, and wants you to discuss them with her. Start discussing your day, and ask her about her own day.
Real, adult, mature men don't "run and hide". Ever.
Originally Posted By: Cristobal
Just get some money out of the bank, pack a couple of suitcases, and vanish (don't tell a soul where you are going). Take a drive out to Nevada or somewhere. Come back in a week or two and I am sure you will find a changed attitude. That is what I did once.
Originally Posted By: Pop_Rivit
Real, adult, mature men don't "run and hide". Ever.
.....don't get your feathers in a ruffle. I understand the intent of your reply to Cristobol, especially in light of your very intelligent and sincere paragraphs proceeding this statement relating to the responsibilities of manhood.
My father in law is a John Wayne wanna be, but as I grow older I realize how much he is hiding weaknesses thru his "duke like" persona. So, it's always a sore point with me when people imply that "man toughness" is the only way (which you weren't).
Take care - Status
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