Personal Attacks and Hostile Forum Behavior

[SatinSilver]

Originally Posted By: Art_Vandelay
That's some contradiction. First you apologize and claim no ill intent. Then 20 minutes later you boast that you could have ripped into the whole thing further.


Time to let it go boss. Don't become your own worst enemy. No one wins an internet war of words. At least wait a day before responding. Nine times out of ten when tomorrow rolls around your thinking of more important things. Otherwise, you're just like a fish taking the bait. I've done it before but have learned some things since then.

 

[fdcg27]

Originally Posted By: gfh77665
The mindless hatred of Royal Purple products from some posters undermines the credibility of BITOG. If there cannot be even a remotely fair discussion about RP, then the topic should, sadly, be banned.


You're actually bringing this into yet another thread?
Nothing wrong with RP and I don't see any "mindless hatred" of it.
If I run across some of it on closeout, I'll buy it, use it and UOA it after a few OCIs, just like I've done with any other brand of oil.
Others may not share your enthusiasm for RP, and their repsonding with factual comments is not mindless and does not constitute hatred.
After all, it's only a brand of oil, not one's country, family or faith.

 

[EType]

My feeling is that even if the original comments were not intentional, any apology should be unconditional. The way the "attack" was written, it is reasonable to assume that the recipient could be offended. The instigator has himself accepted he didn't put smilys to qualify his comments, and even if he can't figure something like that out, he should write some text to indicate he is kidding.

However, Art, you're not going to get an unconditional apology, so I would rise above it now.

While I appreciate and believe the members here who say that it was a joke, the outcome could be that comments like that can be said by anyone and then later passed off as a joke.

If you're joking but the recipient doesn't understand it, then quite simply you're responsible for insulting them. If they tell you they felt insulted, then you should unconditionally apologize.

 

[fdcg27]

As the old maxim has it, he who laughs last laughs best.
Don't allow people to get to you so easily.
Respond with a quip or just ignore them.
There are more important things than your anonymous user name bearing insult from some other similar virtual being.
Perhaps an insult should be reagrded more as a reflection of the inferiority complex of the giver than any real inferiority of the party insulted.

 

[gathermewool]

Originally Posted By: EType
My feeling is that even if the original comments were not intentional, any apology should be unconditional. The way the "attack" was written, it is reasonable to assume that the recipient could be offended. The instigator has himself accepted he didn't put smilys to qualify his comments, and even if he can't figure something like that out, he should write some text to indicate he is kidding.

However, Art, you're not going to get an unconditional apology, so I would rise above it now.

While I appreciate and believe the members here who say that it was a joke, the outcome could be that comments like that can be said by anyone and then later passed off as a joke.

If you're joking but the recipient doesn't understand it, then quite simply you're responsible for insulting them. If they tell you they felt insulted, then you should unconditionally apologize.



This is the interwebs. If you're insulted by the post the OP is referring to, then you're doing it wrong. We shouldn't need emoticons to qualify our every sentence.

Don't get me wrong, it is easy to offend and be offended in a forum when sarcasm and silliness is miscontrued, but taking it to the level of starting a thread specifically about one altercation is excessive.

 

[jcwit]

Originally Posted By: Art_Vandelay


You know what it comes down to? Respect. Everyone who comes on here is entitled to it and no one should be entitled to get in the way of it.


I'll only take issue with this comment.

No one is "entitled" to respect, respect is always something that is earned.

Folks may differ with this notion but that has been the rule I was taught and lived by.

 

[TechnoLoGs]

Originally Posted By: jcwit
Originally Posted By: Art_Vandelay


You know what it comes down to? Respect. Everyone who comes on here is entitled to it and no one should be entitled to get in the way of it.


I'll only take issue with this comment.

No one is "entitled" to respect, respect is always something that is earned.

Folks may differ with this notion but that has been the rule I was taught and lived by.


I always thought that respect was assumed and implied until somebody gave you reason to think different.

 

[Clevy]

Originally Posted By: Art_Vandelay
BITOG is a community where like-minded people come to learn, relax and just enjoy themselves. I've always found it to be a respectful place and a cut above other internet forums. A lot of great people here.

The other night I responded to an older thread by quoting Doug Hillary and simply saying, "Bring back the glory days of BITOG." If nothing else it's a compliment to Doug and to this site overall. Here it is:

Originally Posted By: Doug Hillary
Have no doubt, every version of Mobil 1 and its Commercial "brothers" branded as Delvac are leaders in base fluid technology and Additive package construction. Some people may say that for the price they represent the very best lubricants available!

Regards
Doug

Originally Posted By: Doug Hillary
Any equivalent Royal Purple, Amsoil or M1 product with matching specifications will perform at almost similar levels in an identical application - the variance in the life of the engine will be virtually undetectable


Originally Posted By: Art_Vandelay
Bring back the Glory Days of BITOG!


Then the user "Clevy" decides to slam me for posting. Remarking that I'm a Drunk Member for replying to an old thread.
I don't expect to be subjected to that sort of hostility when I visit this site.
Personal attacks are more serious than Profanity, in the sense that they are directed hate, rather than inappropriate language used at random.

Should anyone have to put up with that on here?

Here is the rest of the exchange:

Originally Posted By: Clevy
Holy thread resurrection. This thread is 4 years old. How many pages back did you have to go to find this. And why even comment. Dead and loathed thread brought back by a drunk member reading pages 80 back.


Originally Posted By: Art_Vandelay
Hey bro, watch the way you talk to me.


Originally Posted By: Clevy
I think I did as I wrote it,and by your reaction I stand by my comment.
However as an edit dead and loathed should read dead and bloated,auto spell biting me in the rear.


The notify button is bottom right if it concerns you so


Originally Posted By: Art_Vandelay
I'll tell you what concerns me. A goodwill forum tarnished by the disrespect of a hostile participant.

Perhaps you can tell us why resurrecting an open thread, which is open for a reason, seduces you into personally attacking someone?
Calling me a "Drunk Member" is a belligerent thing to do. Something like that should never be tolerated on a website that prides itself on cordial discourse and respect amongst its members.


You know what it comes down to? Respect. Everyone who comes on here is entitled to it and no one should be entitled to get in the way of it.


I've read that over a few times now and I don't see an attack. I asked if you were drunk,to which you replied"what how you talk to me"
Any time I've heard the words "watch how you talk to me" there is an underlying tone of a threat.
So taking that into consideration am I to assume you were threatening me in some way,or what exactly did you mean by that?
Let it go,its the Internet. Not one of us here is innocent of being a jerk,so for you to sit there on your high horse is absurd.
Get over it,are you really so hurt that it requires all this drama,if you are then real life must be difficult,as I'm sure not everyone you interact with is so concerned about your feelings.
I think the whole purpose of this thread was to try and get a reaction,from anyone who will listen,as that thread didn't get much fanfare.
I have found out how to use the smilies on my iPad now though so here's one for ya

:

That should cover it.

 

[stephen9666]

Originally Posted By: hypervish
This site has been going downhill for awhile now.


Big +1 to this.

Lots of people seem ready to jump all over anyone who might be wrong, even if the person isn't wrong. There are members specifically trying to be rude.

It seems some members have developed a holier-than-thou or smarter-than-you attitude and actively look for any chance to bust it out. It's worse when they're wrong, or trying to make an arguable point, or only know half the story.

I definitely just bite my tongue sometimes (figuratively speaking) because I don't want to get myself banned.

 

[hr1940]

I am locking this thread because it is going nowhere. We deal with a situation and do not make an announcement as to what we did. Members get warnings or a short vacations when something warrants it. Always remember it takes 2 to have a fight or argument. We have a notify button so we can care any problems.

Helen