Neighbors - I Don't Understand

[larryinnewyork]

I am totally disappointed and confused.
When I was growing up, my parents were good friends with several of the other adult neighbors. It was a time when you helped your neighbors and got to know them.

Now as an adult and homeowner, I just don't see that anymore.
10 years ago, I had new neighbors move in on the street.
To get to know them, I had done the following over a 10 year period:

1) Introduce myself to him and snow-blow part of his driveway (he was using a shovel).
2) Introduce myself to her and gave her a hand-made bird house.
3) Hand delivered Haloween treats for their children because I was not going to be home that Evening.
4) Give him a pair of Safety-Glasses while he was weed-wacking.
5) Phoned and offered her food after a heavy snow storm (for their 3 children). Streets were snowed-in for 3 days.
6) Found out he had cancer and wrote out my name/phone number and offered any assistance.
7) Found out he had surgery and I shoveled 4 inches of packed snow & ice from their driveway. That took me 5 hours. He was on light duty work and must have been surprised, but never went out of his way to say 'thank you'.

Now the confusion, they moved away last Week,,, and never said, "good-bye".

Yes, I could have walked to their house (like I've done many times) and also say good-bye, but then our relationship would have been all one sided.
I felt very strongly in giving them the opportunity to finally knock on my front door,,, they never took it.

What I've printed is my side of the story. I don't think their version would be much different.

I guess I don't know how to make friends, or expect to much from people.
I'm disappointed and confused,,, but life goes on.

I'm not writing this for anyone to bash my ex-neighbors.
If any of you folks have neighbors who look out for one another, APPRECIATE IT.

 

[Astro14]

Is their house for sale?

Because I sure would like to have neighbors like you!

 

[Koz1]

People suck today.

I hope I have a neighbor like you some day.
More people like Larry would make it better. Cheers.

 

[FirstNissan]

I am a firm believer in no good deed goes unpunished in situations like this. I have had several great and a few bad neighbors. The bad neighbors taught me to keep my distance from any neighbors in the future. It was 2 years of nothing but trouble! Now I just wave and smile and thats it.

 

[JR]

I back the three posters/posts before me.
It sure is a sign of the times.

When the poop hits hard on the fan. I will be honest, noone but my few get in the bunker. LOL.




harvey

 

[simple_gifts]

Be mindful, that they might be moving away for reasons you don't know. These days a lot of people have a lot on their plates for reasons that might not be caused by them. I'm not providing an excuse, but an explanation.

Not too appreciative, I agree.

"People suck?" I disagree; "Those people suck"

Plenty of examples on the BITOG of neighborly giving people.

 

[Leo99]

I talk to my neighbors a little. They snow blow my driveway. I say thank you. Sometimes I buy him a case or 12 pack of beer. We don't bake cookies or entertain socially. One time the daughter knocked on our door to say she was having a graduation party and might get a little loud but we could come over for a beer if we wanted.

Now, my mother knew everyone on the block when I was growing up.

When I lived in the city years ago, I let my next door neighbor use my vise-grips after he rounded off a nut under his car's hood. He said I was best neighbor he ever had.

 

[mehullica]

You tried, & tried. They're people who are what I call "Pieces of sh't". Lots of people like that in the world. You're a great human being, you'll have your good deeds come around

 

[Rolla07]

Having just bought a house 6 months ago I realize most neighbours just keep to themselves. Im lucky not to have any bad neighbours but none are like you. Would be nice to have someone like you. I believe in karma, dogood because it makes you feel good..sometimes others seem to have a hard time returning the positive gesture..even if its only a "thank you."

 

[earlyre]

When I was a kid, we lived in town, knew all the neighbors, I even mowed a few of their lawns(~.25 acre lots, $5 each). When we moved out to the country(2 miles away)my Junior year, our next door neighbor felt abandoned... Few times we tried to get together he just got mad..

The folks we moved next door to, were weary at first, but within a couple years they were friends with my folks. Last summer, after 16years, they moved to North TX, bought a place next to their daughter.

Every time my folks go to Dallas to visit my brother, they always take a trip 2 hrs north to Dennison to take them to lunch.

 

[slo town]

Larry:

You seem like a good neighbor and I applaud your actions. But my advice to you is that you direct your efforts to those who appreciate your actions.

The same applies to friends. I'm one of the old guys on this forum (63) and no longer invest time in one-way friendships. My long time best friend and best man in my wedding (and I was his best man); he has become a total recluse. He no longer sees his two adult sons, he neglected his first wife and neglects his second (he ignores them). His second wife, who is a really nice woman, complains about how he doesn't return phones calls or talk to neighbors, etc.

He and I have known each other since our late teens - about 45 years. But it's not my problem. If I never see him again, oh well. Or course I wish it was otherwise but it's not.

I'm fortunate to have a couple of other good friends who know how to be be friends. I invest my time in these guys.

I feel your pain, but.

Scott

 

[Brybo86]

I have lived in the same house for 6 years now, we are in the city. So other houses are very close.

There is an old Greek lady that loves just north of me that I used to mow grass and shovel snow for out of the good of my heart. She gave me cookies once in awhile and always said thank you.

I did this for 3 years until she decided she wanted to start paying me a measly $20 a year and her start telling me how to cut her grass and where to shovel her snow... like where I should move the huge pile of snow between our garages.

She burned the bridge and now I simply say hello to her. There is a reason no one else is friends with her....

I have 2 neighbors that I would say are "friends" one to the south and one across the alley.

We shovel each others snow, help each other work on our cars, borrow tools, go out to breakfast, etc. We chat regularly about weather, Cars, life ,etc.

 

[dlayman]

It could be any number of things, there's no way for the OP to know. Some people struggle with social skills. Perhaps they were dealing with marital or other family issues that consumed them. Perhaps,wrongly, they viewed your actions as commentary they weren't capable of taking care of themselves, and it hurt their pride. When the guy got cancer, he no doubt felt weak and may have felt he wasn't capable of providing and taking care of his family. None of this is defense, just possible explanations. There is no way you ever know. Nowadays most people have an attitude of I take care of my own and I don't owe anybody anything. It's unfortunate. Just know that you did your best and feel good about that. A good deed shouldn't be done with the expectation of thanks or reciprocation. Not saying that that applies to you. Just keep going doing what you think is right and you'll come out ahead in the long (eternal) run.

 

[John_K]

We had some great neighbors that, unfortunately, have moved away. I said to them that they were unusual, most people just come and go nowadays and ignore their neighbors. They replied that they hated that.

Well, you guessed it, the new neighbors have been there 9 months, haven't heard or seen anything from them. I think a lot of people are just that way these days.

John

 

[ToadU]

I agree OP. My wife and I have lived in a very nice golf course community for 11 years now. I only know the name of two neighbors. I have a lot of parties for clients and friends and also have a lot of charity events at the house. I always invite the whole street. Only (2) neighbors have ever come. I don't get it. The lady living next to us is 96 years old and I know her son. She's hard of hearing and shouldn't be living alone but that's another issue. I started mowing her yard, edging and hedge triming it no charge of course. I had talked to her son before of course...my friend....and he was very appreciative as he works an insane schedule and travels 75 percent of his time for work. I thought all was well and I got a letter handwritten from her to stay off her lawn and not touch her property or she would call the police. I know she's old and she even didn't recognize me last week...asked if I just moved in and we have been neighbors 11 years....so I take it with a grain of salt and know it's just her age. I was just trying to help out and I have a really nice yard btw. I take immaculate care of it. Anyways. I just piled onto and hijacked your post. Sorry man.

 

[JustinH]

I grew up in Western New York. Our neighbors were our friends for 30 years. Great people we would do cookouts or go out on the boat together.

Moved to Central Texas, two of our neighbors are pretty friendly. Not as close as the folks in New York. There is some welfare trash next to us who stares at my wife and I when we pull in our driveway.

We say hello to her, but she stares and won't even respond.

I think these days people are just into themselves and less friendly. When I moved here, I moved into an apartment alone for a year while my wife finished up grad school. People were downright weird and didn't say anything even after I said hello and introduced myself.

 

[andrewg]

Originally Posted By: Koz1
People suck today.

I hope I have a neighbor like you some day.
More people like Larry would make it better. Cheers.


You know, as sad as this sounds, I agree.

No, not literally ALL people suck....but compared to when I was much younger (52) most people do in fact , suck.

We've got some neighbors that we've tried to be friendly toward, but we get brushed off. No big deal. We just ignore them from that point. We can be five feet apart, at the property line...but they won't wave or say a thing. Oh well.

I think today, many people, just keep to themselves because of a fear of running into a strange or weird neighbor that won't give them privacy. I know that I had a neighbor like that one time. Nice guy, but would never leave me alone when I was outside. I couldn't get anything done because he always wanted to talk. I indulged him out of kindness. One day, I took 3 hour drive and left a dog outside in my yard to enjoy the sun. I came home and the guy left three weird messages that our dog was barking and we really needed to make it stop. Third message he threatened to call the police. I was on a huge piece of property and his house was 200 yards away. The dog was small...so I have no idea why he freaked out. I never spoke to him again. Total weirdo.

 

[Warstud]

Originally Posted By: mehullica
You tried, & tried. They're people who are what I call "Pieces of sh't". Lots of people like that in the world. You're a great human being, you'll have your good deeds come around

 

[ToadU]

Whe I was a kid my parents and my brother and I knew every single person on our long street. Everyone. People would stop and help. It was nothing for my dad to be mowing the lawn and just go a couple houses down and help an older man finish his up. They would reciprocate and watch my brother and me occasionally after school. My dad was on a nuke submarine and our neighbors were always great helping my mom with two young kids. My mom always cooked for them and dad would do electrical work (electrician on sub) when he was home for them ect. Nothing was expected in return it was just a nice community. I can still remember the names of just about everyone on my street. I don't get it today. People don't even wave.

 

[ToadU]

Also, I'm sure there were wierdos and bad people when I was a kid but I never ever remember having someone in the neighboordhood be weird or anything other than nice. I never remember any creepy neighbors. There was never a warning from my parents not to trust neighbors ect. Two years ago I woke up early with a helicopter buzzing over my house and tons of yelling. Come to find out ATF was doing a joint raid on a neighbors house 2 blocks over. He was convicted of making and selling child porn and had Tons of guns Ect. It's not like I'm ancient either...just 40.