My mom spends 7-8 hours a day cleaning the kitchen

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If OCD is not detrimental to her well being and relationships with others let it go.
 

Carnoobie

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Originally Posted By: dishdude
What if you offer to clean up after she cooks? Let her go relax and watch TV or read a book.
She wont let it happen, not as easy as it sounds. I do clean the pots, only when shes not home and i pretty much have to put the pots away in the cupboard after. If she sees it, she will rewash it no matter who washes them. Just the thought of having people at her sink using it, is dirtying it up and she doesnt like. She wont even let her sisters or anyone when theyre over use her sink unless its for like 2 secs to rinse a cup.
Originally Posted By: JimPghPA
What if you put in a hidden video camera connected to a computer with enough hard-drive to record 24 hours non-stop. And then showed her a time laps video of her-self? Do you think that might get through to her?
Tried it, doesnt work, she just doesnt see the light.
Originally Posted By: cmorr
I want to preface my questions/comments by stating that I have severe Mental Illness in my own family (my son) . I am very sensitive and very much aware of how others view, or don't acknowledge, the seriousness of issue. I read your post a couple of times and am wondering if there are a few exaggerations (ex. $1400 monthly water bill). Is there a possibility that a third party could view her behavior independent of your own. There is a chance that the rest of your family is in denial but I think I good next step would be to have her behavior assessed by a professional perhaps under the guise of seeing yourself.
The $1400 water bill is real, my dad told me. The only way I can get a prof. to see her is if I bring her in the house without my mom knowing what the person is there for otherwise she would not let it happen.
Originally Posted By: KB2008X
Carnoobie, there are many reasons that a person will not seek help for a problem such as this. Sometimes they know they have a problem, but..... they don't want to spend the money to get help. they don't have the money to spend. they don't trust that the help they'll receive will be effective. they don't want to lay their life open for others to see. they are ashamed they have the issue. they believe they deserve it and will deal with it themselves. I could give more examples, but you get the idea. Do one, or more, of these fit the situation ? There are a fair number of knowledgeable and experienced people here that could probably offer more tangible assistance if they had an understanding of why she refuses help. Do you have any insight into that ? Keith
None of those fit, she flat out doesnt acknowledge that she has a disorder and needs help. She thinks what shes doing is normal and will not even be open to talking about it or willing to listen when you try to bring the topic up.
 
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Carnoobie

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Originally Posted By: KrisZ
I like the camera recommendation. Removing the sink would also be a good idea, just tell her you gotta fix it and take a day or two. Another option, perhaps the easiest, would be to turn the main water off for a day or so and observe her behavior. Ultimately, though, I think professional help is in order. What does your dad think about it? Is he willing to seek professional help for her? If not, then you will be seen by your whole family as the bad guy.
Ive had her watch tapes of her before and she doesnt see anything wrong. My dad doesnt even know what OCD is himself and does know that my mom is a clean freak but says nothing you can do about it.
Originally Posted By: KrisZ
I like the camera recommendation. Removing the sink would also be a good idea, just tell her you gotta fix it and take a day or two. Another option, perhaps the easiest, would be to turn the main water off for a day or so and observe her behavior. Ultimately, though, I think professional help is in order. What does your dad think about it? Is he willing to seek professional help for her? If not, then you will be seen by your whole family as the bad guy.
The sink looks like a normal sink. Even when its clean already she goes over again and again with soap.
 
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Originally Posted By: bigmike
Carnoobie, after reading your posts lately, I suggest your entire family receive counseling.
A big +1 here. One of the hallmarks of personality disorders is having an inability to recognize that anything is wrong. Since the disorders are constructed from the "inside out" according to how the person sees the world, anyone coming from a different reality is considered automatically wrong. I think it is likely that the whole family has slipped into a disfunctional pattern. Who knows whose behavior started it, but everyone who lives in that household bears some responsibility for keeping it going. By the way, does your Mom have a lot of fears - flying, burglars, contamination, crowds, etc?. Think about it and count them up - I would bet she does. You might start reading up on personality disorders, you will probably find several that apply. Out of the fog dot net is one very general resource that gives a lot of info in a short time, although it isn't very deep or comprehensive.
 
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This is the Catch 22 with persons who have mental disorders like OCD. A person with a physical illness is in most cases more than willing to see a doctor and take medication to make them better. Those who with mental illness often refuse to acknowledge there is a problem and therefore don't get better. God Bless your Mom Carnoobie. I know it can't be easy dealing with this.
 
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I'm impressed that your mom still holds a job. In most people with severe OCD, their obsession stops them from being able to function at all in any constructive capacity. Unfortunately, it will most likely come to this eventually. I'm no expert, but it sounds like to break this severe a pattern, your mom will need to be hospitalized or committed. Hate to say it, but it really explains your attituds and predispositions...
 
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My mother's house is also her life. Immaculate, even though crippling arthritis and 85ish years are hers. Believe me, compare this to a hoarder's home and you will get down on your knees and be thankful!
 

Carnoobie

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Originally Posted By: TooManyWheels
By the way, does your Mom have a lot of fears - flying, burglars, contamination, crowds, etc?. Think about it and count them up - I would bet she does. You might start reading up on personality disorders, you will probably find several that apply. Out of the fog dot net is one very general resource that gives a lot of info in a short time, although it isn't very deep or comprehensive.
The fear she has is that everything is dirty and never clean enough. I take her to buy groceries every day of the week (she will go just to buy 1 or 2 things), and she puts everything in a plastic bag before she puts it into the cart. And at home in her cabinet she stores a whole roll of the plastic clear baggies in grocery stores.
Originally Posted By: addyguy
Hate to say it, but it really explains your attituds and predispositions...
What do you mean?
Originally Posted By: azjake
This is the Catch 22 with persons who have mental disorders like OCD. A person with a physical illness is in most cases more than willing to see a doctor and take medication to make them better. Those who with mental illness often refuse to acknowledge there is a problem and therefore don't get better. God Bless your Mom Carnoobie. I know it can't be easy dealing with this.
Its definitely not easy. Mom just got home an hour ago and has been working away at the sink since. Its like a rebutal for her, come home and has to go right to the sink. What sucks the most is that no one but me in my family can see what im seeing. They think shes fine! Im a firm believer that people cherish and appreciate their free time much more as they get older. My mom is just wasting it, all of it.
 
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Originally Posted By: bigmike
Carnoobie, after reading your posts lately, I suggest your entire family receive counseling.
I also wonder if this is an elaborate troll? Either way, help is needed.
 
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I have a nephew who has a different mental problem. Years ago when he was still a kid the family sought help for him. The doctors had him put in a hospital where he was not allowed to contact anyone from his family, and they were not allowed to contact him in any way. I do not remember the exact amount of time that this went on but it was for many weeks. The doctors figured out what was going on with him, and got him on proper meds. Years later now he has a degree, a job, and a wife. It was really hard on my sister not being able to have ANY contact with her son, even though she has two other kids. But the outcome was worth it.
 
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Since you and your family are either unable or unwilling to do anything to fix the issue (other than post on discussion forums), I suggest getting her a job in a restaurant. At least that way she'll be getting paid for her cleaning OCD, and most restaurants could user a cleaner kitchen.
 
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What, EXACTLY do you suggest he do? Short of having her declared non compos mentis, there is NOTHING he CAN do!
 
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Honestly as long as she isn't doing any serious damage to herself or anyone else I would leave her alone and your father is the one who should look after his wife. After all if Carnoobie had a home of his own he would not be there to see this activity. Honestly it is not his business anyhow and he should concentrate on his on more pressing issues....like getting a full time regular job and a place of his own.
 
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Is the bathroom shower/tube as clean as the sink? Maybe you can tell her to clean those and she will spend less time at the sink?
 
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