Marriage advice on BITOG ?

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OtisBlkR1

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Alright fellas

Without getting to soppy/detailed i want to know if youv been through this, made it through it, got advice on it

Together 10 years, married 5 only 1 child so far and he's 2yrs 4 months.

The problem:
Im noticing my wife (27) seems to be getting mad more often, and were fighting (never fought before baby) and most of the time the arguements stem from our different parenting styles..

Have any of you noticed your relationships got rocky after the birth of a child ? what did you do ?

All joking aside, thanks for you thoughts in advance.
 
I can attest to children taxing a relationship. I find I have to put my pride down and actually discuss the big issues from as much of an unbiased point of view as possible. My wife and don't agree on everything, but so far, we are in one accord when it comes to our little ones.
 
thanks. My wife has been a totall pushover with my son from day one, he's pretty spoiled (my opinion) but i try not to mention that to often, upsets my wife. He has raging tantrums when he doesnt get what he wants and mommy caves alot, but when its just daddy and child the behavior changes alot as child knows theres a spanking that comes with certain behavior.. needless to say im much firmer when the firmness is needed v.s. my wife thinks bargaining with him is the way to go.. needless to say, and the BIG problem is when were together with child its a mix bag becouse the boy thinks since moms around he can get away with murder, daddy sets him straight and mommy gets wizzed... this leads to fights..
 
Yeah it happens. Talk to your spouse let your feeling be known. You have to communicate with her. But set aside time for both of you to talk and work out a equally beneficial agreement, the most important thing is both of you to remain calm during the discussion and once you feel either one of you is starting to get emotional step away and cool down. Also I found out to spend some "mommy" and "daddy" alone time with the misses at least 2X's a month like watching a movie together or going out on a date, this will do your relationship wonders, also being polite and telling her thank you and please a lot will help. I do not know if you are doing that right now, but I figured that would not hurt a thing, simple things we neglect on our relationships and vehicles can add up and bite you in behind.
 
Women tend to change after children..sometimes good, other times you want to put your head into a wall. A children (more true when very young) and stress to a relationship, because it is now two people who HAVE to work as one. And this is where things get interesting....

You'll fight about parenting styles, money, time alone and god knows what else. It's one of the toughest jobs you'll do-but if done right-also one of the most rewarding.

We have a near 4 year old, and we still get into it every now and then. But we've learned to adjust as well...and it makes things easier. I can understand her quick temper, as kids can really, really test you sometimes. That alone can start fights!

Just don't let it bother you...and don't sweat the small stuff. Times change, stuff breaks, but kids grow up quick....
 
Originally Posted By: Chevys_n_Hawgs
I'd ask for a divorce. Life is too short to put up with a crabby woman.



Don't have kids, I'm guessing?
whistle.gif
 
What you may not realize is that you and especially your wife are being played. Children will push you to see what your limit is. If you're always caving in to the wants of the child, then the child will no accept "no" as answer later on and you will continue to "cave" therefore fostering a "no respect for authority" attitude. You have to change this now or you will find that in 10 years or less your child will be telling you where to go and you will be talking to counselors because you "don't know what to do".
 
Originally Posted By: daves87rs
Originally Posted By: Chevys_n_Hawgs
I'd ask for a divorce. Life is too short to put up with a crabby woman.

Don't have kids, I'm guessing?
whistle.gif


Actually, I have 3. One is lawyer for an airplane factory in Wichita. One is a electric lineman for Georgia Power. And my little girl, works for a big bank in Chicago. I talk to all of them, at least 3 times a week. Their mother and I get along better now than when we were married.
 
Originally Posted By: daves87rs
Originally Posted By: Chevys_n_Hawgs
I'd ask for a divorce. Life is too short to put up with a crabby woman.

Don't have kids, I'm guessing?
whistle.gif


crackmeup2.gif
 
Originally Posted By: Chevys_n_Hawgs
Actually, I have 3. One is lawyer for an airplane factory in Wichita. One is a electric lineman for Georgia Power. And my little girl, works for a big bank in Chicago. I talk to all of them, at least 3 times a week. Their mother and I get along better now than when we were married.

That is a good thing.
smile.gif
I've heard that an empty nest tends to bring couples closer again....now that they have time for each other.
cool.gif
 
Originally Posted By: Chevys_n_Hawgs
I'd ask for a divorce. Life is too short to put up with a crabby woman.

Unfortunately, in that case mommy gets custody of the child, daddy gets the bill and visits every other weekend.

That why daddys these days have to tip toe around mommy instead of excercising their natural authority as head of the family.
 
Originally Posted By: daves87rs
Originally Posted By: Chevys_n_Hawgs
Actually, I have 3. One is lawyer for an airplane factory in Wichita. One is a electric lineman for Georgia Power. And my little girl, works for a big bank in Chicago. I talk to all of them, at least 3 times a week. Their mother and I get along better now than when we were married.

That is a good thing.
smile.gif
I've heard that an empty nest tends to bring couples closer again....now that they have time for each other.
cool.gif


Hahaha! We don't get along that good! We still love each other, and care for each other, but we've been divorced for over 25 years! She's been re-married for about 18, and me 12. We are like night and day. Our kids love us, and understand our situation. Heck, we even get together for holidays. Last Christmas, both our spouses and us, flew up to Chicago to spend the week with our daughter.
 
Originally Posted By: Rock_Hudstone
Originally Posted By: Chevys_n_Hawgs
I'd ask for a divorce. Life is too short to put up with a crabby woman.

Unfortunately, in that case mommy gets custody of the child, daddy gets the bill and visits every other weekend.

That why daddys these days have to tip toe around mommy instead of excercising their natural authority as head of the family.


Well, if you're dumb enough to marry a crazy woman like this, then you deserve it! Tip toe around?!?! Ha!
 
My Best friend's wife is a complete pushover when it comes to her children. She is incapable of discipline and goes completely off her rocker when my friend or anybody tries to modify the scold the children for their atrocious behavior.

Now the Kids are 4 and 6 and absolute terrors. Shockingly bad behavior time and again. What's more shocking is to see mommy rewarding it by giving in to their tantrums, time and again. My friend tries, but mommy runs to their rescue with a reward.

Me and everyone else, to the best of our ability, form excuses to avoid any gatherings where the kids will be present. My best friend has few friends left due to his wife and children's atrocious behavior. Makes me want to weep.

Never underestimate the value of tough love. Make your wife realize this, cause you are doing yourselves and your kid no favors by rewarding tantrums.
 
can you trust her??? They all think the grass is greener on the other side problem is when they find out ts not it is too late... Be careful!
 
Kids learn fast who they can pushover and who not to. Being the easy parent doesn't make for a better behaving kid and makes it harder on the parent. Set boundries and results. If you say you are punish them if they do something then do it without a bunch of runaround. I generally believe that they spanking shoud be reserved for a last resort though instead of a first resort. Either way both of you have to be on the same page or it is a nightmare.
 
First ones tough because of the unknowns. your having only child squabbling. It gets easier after the second. Yeah thats right do it and do it soon. Once the focus is split between 2 kids it all changes...for the better.
 
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