Inconsistent Dipstick levels lol

Try my routine: When I park in my garage, I always raise the hood, inspect the engine for problems (like coolant leak, frayed belts, etc) and I also look at the tires for possible embedded screws/nails. You pull the dipstick out by 4 inches. This will allow the oil in the dipstick tube to level with that in the sump. The next day, insert the dipstick fully, pull it out, and read the oil level. Hopefully, this is a more reliable method that'll work for you.
 
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Well I'll chime in and this might be relevant to your issue but I'm not sure pure speculation here.

When I check my oil and I know it is topped off perfectly I pull out the dipstick and see barely anything on one side of the dipstick. Then I turn the dipstick around and see a proper measurement. So inside of your dipstick tube there might be some kind of a seal that is touching one side of the dipstick which is showing you inconsistent readings while the other side might be showing you a completely different reading. Just something to consider cuz I have definitely seen a consistency with all of my cars like that. Well, Toyota's.
 
Reminds me of a prank I read about years ago. Some teens knew their neighbor was meticulous about his car and it's mpg, and started adding a gallon of gas every week to it. Then after a month started siphoning a gallon or two out. He could not figure out what was wrong...
Many years ago there was a Gus Wilson and the Model Garage story in Popular Science with this very theme.
 
My ford transit Connect would always show no oil on the dipstick when first pulling it. Wipe off and reinstall and then it would show the oil level as fine. My theory is that the engine pulls a vacuum that empties the dipstick’s tube. Once pulled it refills with oil. Check the o ring on your dipstick to see if it is sealing properly
 
My ford transit Connect would always show no oil on the dipstick when first pulling it. Wipe off and reinstall and then it would show the oil level as fine. My theory is that the engine pulls a vacuum that empties the dipstick’s tube. Once pulled it refills with oil. Check the o ring on your dipstick to see if it is sealing properly

My experience from pulling oil pans is that the dipstick exits the tube
 
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