I cant find happiness in my life anymore

[Carnoobie]

I dont know whats wrong with me, I dont like acting or thinking this way and im STILL trying to get my mind back to positive spirits but Im finding it very difficult. I used to be such a positive person who had so much ambition and always smiling but over the past 10yrs ive noticed myself change for the worst.

Ive been lacking in some areas in my life for years now and its been rough since I was 19 or 20 (im 31 now). I used to have a lot of friends to hang out with, well they all moved away years ago. Been single for 3yrs, work is rough - been working dead end jobs the past 10yrs, Im a loner with no friends.

Im an outgoing person, and ive tried to go to random meetups and networking events before to meet new people and hoping to make new friends but to no avail. It was just a massive waste of time and money. So I got so discouraged, I stopped going in Dec of 2010. Last year and this year I havent been to a single random meetup or networking event. I just got so fed up, I wasnt meeting anyone who wwas serious about being friends on an ongoing basis. People who get in touch with you every 6 months or 6 years when they want something are NOT friends!

No matter what I do, what I try I cant seem to find happiness in my life anymore. Im just this miserable grumpy person whos always so negative. It sucks.

So to find happiness, I then go spend money on materialistic expensive toys. Whether its electronics, gadgets, new TV, new computer, new game, whatever. I do this to make me happy and cover up for other areas lacking in my life.

Anyone else feel the same or know anyone? I dont know if i have a mental disorder.

Ill be honest, but sometimes I wish I wasnt born. Life and all the emotional burden just isnt worth it sometimes.

 

[Turk]

Yea, used to be there. Hold on, man, good things will come.

Check out some local churches; they have people who care and will have support for you. It really, really, straghtened me out with a few things that are similar.

Please, feel free to PM me and we'll chat.

 

[jcwit]

I realise we're not to post religion on this forum, but I would suggest you try a church, if nothing else I'm sure you'll meet positive minded folks there.

Mods, if this is a wrong suggestion, please delete my post.

 

[JHZR2]

Sounds like the advertising and financial industries got you where they want you.

It is easy to be bitter with all the scathing, polarizing news and whatnot that is spewed at us, and inaccurate depictions of what life is like. Id turn off the TV first and foremost.

You have no ability to find any nice people? I get it that folks build friendships and then it is ever harder to make new friends in tight, close-knit communities because people get set in their ways... But there are always transient people and folks that are new to an area.

Do you not have any interests? If youre spending a ton of money on gadgets and toys, is there are least a club where you could meet up with folks of similar interests? What about sports? church?

What do you really enjoy? What makes you happy? You mention being single for a while. Lonliness is good for creating depression and bad decisions.

Have you at least tried online dating? Sure, the whole dating thing can be screwy too, but at least youll have a chance to meet some folks who want to meet others as well, and possibly then integrate into their friends scheme.

What is your background? You cant find any work? Go out raking leaves or mowing lawns. If you cannot get busy, it will be worse for you too. Idle brain is the devil's playground. Get busy, and if it isnt work, then make it fitness, volunteering, or something else.

Good luck!

 

[Quest]

you are just being beaten down by life, society, etc.

My job prospects is kinda suck also, with the lack of promotion and no way out currently, I'm being worked to death.

I may be short-tempered these days but at least my true pride and joy is the young family I have, being able to stay true/focus in my family affair, relationship with my wlfe (been married for over a decade now), and my house, etc. makes me kinda happy.

I used to have (still do, but priority changed) some expensive hobbies such as audiophiles, etc. but now I just keep everything simple and child-proof. all my expensive gears are in storage/out of my kid's prying fingers.

If you feel somewhat depressed, consider the facts:

(a ) you still have a job. A lot of my friends have lost their jobs/cannot hold on to theirs during the past 4+yrs, ended up doing something less paid and more suffering as a result. Some of them been out of job for over 1.5yrs now, working side-lines or p/t and not able to keep up to their living, etc.

many other parts of the world: unemployment rate is at it's all time high and people lack the means of looking forward in their lives....that's really low, if you know what I mean (consider yourself extremely fortunate).

(b ) you are still single (I assume), so you have a lot of time and your own freedom to dispose of. Enjoy while you can.

Consider doing some community volunteering work ...

Q.

 

[mongo161]

You may be suffering from depression. IMO...the best advice that I could give you, would be to see a physician and get some referrals to see a trained professional.

I've known people who have had these same symptoms and with treatment...they are much happier today. In some cases it is just some kind of "chemical imbalance" or it could be hereditary.

Don't be ashamed...or afraid....just get some good medical advice. Lots of people have changed, for the better, once they seek out some medical advice. In today's society....this is very common and it is treatable if you want to get well and feel better.

 

[dave1251]

Talk to your physician ASAP. Also life and the emotional burden is always worth it. You are asking for help which is a good thing. The bad thing you are asking for help that requires a professional on a internet forum. Keep your head up the sun will rise tomorrow and you will too. There is a reason you are living and you rise to the challenge so go get some professional help we all need a helping hand at one time or another and trust you are here for a reason. You have a community of friends here that will give you advice.

 

[Carnoobie]

Originally Posted By: tpitcher
Yea, used to be there. Hold on, man, good things will come.

Check out some local churches; they have people who care and will have support for you. It really, really, straghtened me out with a few things that are similar.

Please, feel free to PM me and we'll chat.



My mom has been bugging me to go to church for awhile now but i keep telling her im not into god and bible readings and im just not a religious person. Id go, but it would be to meet new people and hopefully a girlfriend, which is kind of deceiving if you ask me no? Plus i would go alone, i know church theres tons of groups who always hang out and mingle. I would feel like a complete loser going by myself.

Btw i have a few churches in my neighbourhood.

 

[dave1251]

Go to church and let them know you are not religious they will still help you. If not anything else to be a good sounding board. You do not have a GF yet that does not make anyone a loser. Noticed I said yet. Tomorrow is a new day and there is plenty of time today to take a couple of positive steps to make a positive impact on your life.

 

[DragRace]

Nothin wrong with you,IMO it's our society and the things around us lately,like the poor economy,the depressing news the media keep cramming down people's throats. I've watched less and less tv lately because of the garbage they are pushing.Best thing to do,is find somethin you do enjoy,and focus your energy on that,for me lately,it's been goin to the gym and car racing,everything else can wait far as I'm concerned.

 

[Turk]

Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
Originally Posted By: tpitcher
Yea, used to be there. Hold on, man, good things will come.

Check out some local churches; they have people who care and will have support for you. It really, really, straghtened me out with a few things that are similar.

Please, feel free to PM me and we'll chat.



My mom has been bugging me to go to church for awhile now but i keep telling her im not into god and bible readings and im just not a religious person. Id go, but it would be to meet new people and hopefully a girlfriend, which is kind of deceiving if you ask me no? Plus i would go alone, i know church theres tons of groups who always hang out and mingle. I would feel like a complete loser going by myself.

Btw i have a few churches in my neighbourhood.


Oh please don't feel like a loser going by yourself. I went by myself for several years and I have developed medical devices that have saves hundreds of thousands of lives. I am not a loser. I did not need a doctor or drugs. I identified some things about me, took care of it and that was all I needed.

Go to an independent one that is "relavant to our lives today"... It's ok to go, trust me. They are NOT about religion. Plus, after you die and "if" there's no God, you have made improvements in your life by following "Real + Relavant" messages and guidance, your life just got better!

Please shoot me a PM after you go.

 

[Carnoobie]

Originally Posted By: JHZR2
Sounds like the advertising and financial industries got you where they want you.

It is easy to be bitter with all the scathing, polarizing news and whatnot that is spewed at us, and inaccurate depictions of what life is like. Id turn off the TV first and foremost.


See thats the thing thats gotten me. Because I have no friends, I pretty much never go out except for work and going to get food. Right now im not working but im looking for work. So on weekends i stay home and play on my PS3 or xbox 360 or on the computer, or watch tv. I have this man cave, big HDTV, surround sound, nice computer, my place is filled with tons of toys. Once I leave my place, Im a totally different person. Im pretty much all alone and it got depressing so i asked myself one day why bother. So the past 3yrs ive been just staying home and only going out if i absolutely need to.

Quote:
You have no ability to find any nice people? I get it that folks build friendships and then it is ever harder to make new friends in tight, close-knit communities because people get set in their ways... But there are always transient people and folks that are new to an area.


Ive tried Kijiji, craigslist, online dating sites, and for the most part was a waste of time. Dealt with nothing but flakes or people you talk to for a week and dont hear from them again.

Quote:
Do you not have any interests? If youre spending a ton of money on gadgets and toys, is there are least a club where you could meet up with folks of similar interests? What about sports? church?


Hockey is my biggest passion in life. I used to play it with buddies but i stopped. I did still go to the rink near me from time to time to play with randoms but i just got discouraged cause i wasnt getting any real friends out of it. Links back to the general meetups and why ive stopped going.

Quote:
What do you really enjoy? What makes you happy? You mention being single for a while. Lonliness is good for creating depression and bad decisions.


I like to travel but im not in the spot right now financially to do it. And where would i go since i have no friends? Right now i notice my interests have been getting slimmer and slimmer cause im just such a negative person now, it kills my ambition. So I just stay in and play with my toys in my house.

I get stressed out easily now and i play video games to take my anger out since i really have no one to talk to.

Quote:
Have you at least tried online dating?


Yes many different ones at different times, going all the way back to like 2004. Wasnt happy with it at all.

Quote:
What is your background? You cant find any work? Go out raking leaves or mowing lawns. If you cannot get busy, it will be worse for you too. Idle brain is the devil's playground. Get busy, and if it isnt work, then make it fitness, volunteering, or something else.


Thats the thing i have no background cause i dropped out of college in 2002. I couldnt take it, i hated school.

I have volunteered in the past but where i live its on and off and a seasonal thing. I enjoyed it but would be nice if i made some connections from it.

I used to work out heavily, like 20hrs a week but the past 3 years ive only been working out 3 days a week. Less if im working. ANd i work out at home, i have all the equipment here cause i got annoyed in the gym.

Good luck! [/quote]

 

[wolf_06]

One, do the things that YOU like to do.
Second, make sure your life is not full of [censored]holes, because after a while, it can get on your nevs and get you down.
Third, don't paint everything with that same negative paint!! Otherwise, evrythin will be the same color!

Exercise and go out!!

 

[Carnoobie]

Originally Posted By: Quest

(a ) you still have a job. A lot of my friends have lost their jobs/cannot hold on to theirs during the past 4+yrs, ended up doing something less paid and more suffering as a result. Some of them been out of job for over 1.5yrs now, working side-lines or p/t and not able to keep up to their living, etc.

many other parts of the world: unemployment rate is at it's all time high and people lack the means of looking forward in their lives....that's really low, if you know what I mean (consider yourself extremely fortunate).


Well right now im not working, been off work for a month. Was working a temp-perm job in which i didnt get the perm position, and another guy was chosen over me. Boss and i eventually were butting heads.

Quote:
(b ) you are still single (I assume), so you have a lot of time and your own freedom to dispose of. Enjoy while you can.


Yes im single but im more to ready to fall in love again. im 31 and the only one in the ext family not married. Even my cousins younger have gotten married. Parents want nothing more than to see me find someone and get married. But they say i cant find someone if i stay at home all the time.

 

[Carnoobie]

Originally Posted By: DragRace
Nothin wrong with you,IMO it's our society and the things around us lately,like the poor economy,the depressing news the media keep cramming down people's throats. I've watched less and less tv lately because of the garbage they are pushing.Best thing to do,is find somethin you do enjoy,and focus your energy on that,for me lately,it's been goin to the gym and car racing,everything else can wait far as I'm concerned.


Well for the past 4yrs my biggest interest has been video games and being on the computer.

Originally Posted By: dave1251
Talk to your physician ASAP. Also life and the emotional burden is always worth it. You are asking for help which is a good thing. The bad thing you are asking for help that requires a professional on a internet forum. Keep your head up the sun will rise tomorrow and you will too. There is a reason you are living and you rise to the challenge so go get some professional help we all need a helping hand at one time or another and trust you are here for a reason. You have a community of friends here that will give you advice.


I have gotten professional help before and it has helped but when i stop going, i eventually fall back to where I was. Wish I could but I couldnt afford to go to counselling for the rest of my life. The longest duration ive seen one was 5.5 months in 2009 after I had my heart broken.

 

[KrisZ]

Sounds like a vicious cycle. I would try to improve my outlook on life instead of desperately trying to get friends. Once you are more positive, attracting friends and potential girlfriends should be much easier.

 

[artificialist]

Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
Originally Posted By: tpitcher
Yea, used to be there. Hold on, man, good things will come.

Check out some local churches; they have people who care and will have support for you. It really, really, straghtened me out with a few things that are similar.

Please, feel free to PM me and we'll chat.



My mom has been bugging me to go to church for awhile now but i keep telling her im not into god and bible readings and im just not a religious person. Id go, but it would be to meet new people and hopefully a girlfriend, which is kind of deceiving if you ask me no? Plus i would go alone, i know church theres tons of groups who always hang out and mingle. I would feel like a complete loser going by myself.

Btw i have a few churches in my neighbourhood.


The problem is that there are a huge variety of church people in this world, some of them are those rigid miserable types who don't have any fun, and those who blend in with the normal people

That stuff doesn't work for me either.



I have had to take some kind of antidepressant and anti-anxiety medicine since the year 2000. I was nearly 16 years old, and I was angry at numerous people in the world, I was extremely jealous of certain people, I felt powerless, and I felt like the entire world was using me as slave labor.

Anyway, send me a PM if to me if you really want to, and I will replay to it.

 

[azjake]

Here's a alternative to the church suggestion. Try volunteering for a local charity. It doesn't matter which one or if it's church related or non secular. It does give a sense of purpose to life, and makes you feel good helping people. Hang in there and remember you have friends here at BITOG.

 

[Carnoobie]

Originally Posted By: tpitcher
Originally Posted By: Carnoobie
Originally Posted By: tpitcher
Yea, used to be there. Hold on, man, good things will come.

Check out some local churches; they have people who care and will have support for you. It really, really, straghtened me out with a few things that are similar.

Please, feel free to PM me and we'll chat.



My mom has been bugging me to go to church for awhile now but i keep telling her im not into god and bible readings and im just not a religious person. Id go, but it would be to meet new people and hopefully a girlfriend, which is kind of deceiving if you ask me no? Plus i would go alone, i know church theres tons of groups who always hang out and mingle. I would feel like a complete loser going by myself.

Btw i have a few churches in my neighbourhood.


Oh please don't feel like a loser going by yourself. I went by myself for several years and I have developed medical devices that have saves hundreds of thousands of lives. I am not a loser. I did not need a doctor or drugs. I identified some things about me, took care of it and that was all I needed.

Go to an independent one that is "relavant to our lives today"... It's ok to go, trust me. They are NOT about religion. Plus, after you die and "if" there's no God, you have made improvements in your life by following "Real + Relavant" messages and guidance, your life just got better!

Please shoot me a PM after you go.

Didnt really think Church was acceptable for non religious people like me. I will have to check out the ones near me this Sunday perhaps. Maybe go in the day before to see what time people show up on Sunday for it.

 

[Carnoobie]

Originally Posted By: KrisZ
Sounds like a vicious cycle. I would try to improve my outlook on life instead of desperately trying to get friends. Once you are more positive, attracting friends and potential girlfriends should be much easier.


Ive tried adjusting my outlook but I just think im too messed up in the brain to do it. I try to put a positive spin on everything that happens in life but the negativity will always find a way in.

Originally Posted By: azjake
Here's a alternative to the church suggestion. Try volunteering for a local charity. It doesn't matter which one or if it's church related or non secular. It does give a sense of purpose to life, and makes you feel good helping people. Hang in there and remember you have friends here at BITOG.


Even though my main priority right now is finding more work, i think doing more volunteering is a good idea, even if its 1 day a week.