Good payday for Tiger Woods's Wife

Status
Not open for further replies.
Originally Posted By: bigmike
No. Mistakes are something that has a ring of accidental nature to it. Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone chooses to go and harm their spouse emotionally (or any other "loved" one). I don't judge him as a human being, but his actions are inexcusable and explain much of the quality (or lack of) of his character.


Yep. There was no mistake about it. He didn't bed these other women by accident.
 
Originally Posted By: StevieC
So a lapse in his judgment isn't cause for a mistake?


He didn't have a lapse in judgment. He made a conscience decision. Why can't people accept blame for their wrongful actions?
 
Calling it a mistake implies there is an excuse for inflicting such abuse on his wife.

There is never an excuse that is acceptable for that sort of behavior. There may be explanations. Yet no explanation will repair the damage done.

One does not have to allow their abuser to remain in their life to forgive them. Perhaps the most loving and most forgiving thing she can do is take his money and get as far out of his life as she can.

I'd buy the mistake angle if it was a one-time, drunken one-night stand. However, what is seen here is a pattern of behavior. Tiger himself got treatment for sexual addiction.

That right there demonstrates it's more than a mistake. It's a deeply broken or flawed person.

She may have simply said that it's too much to ask her to deal with such a person. That's not likely who she thought she was marrying. So she can both forgive him and divorce him. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I can't speak for if she has or has not really forgiven him. I suspect it will take years for her to complete the grieving process and fully forgive him. It's not a switch you flip and the person is instantly forgiven. It's a time consuming process that doesn't happen over night.

I suspect, if she's close to normal, that it will take years to fully let go of the hurt and really forgive him.

The most merciful thing may be exactly what she's doing. Putting distance between the two so they both can heal.
 
PS, calling something someone has done what it is, I.E. hurtful, abusive, etc is NOT being judgmental.

Being judgmental means one thinks they are superior. Believe me, I don't think I'm superior, not even superior to my ex-wife.

It seems today, we are quick to decry those who take a stand for right and wrong. Society calls them hateful, or judgmental, or whatever.

The truth is still affairs hurt those who are betrayed. That's not being judgmental, that's being honest.

Another truth, affairs hurt those who are involved in them. At the very least, it teaches them, if only briefly, that it's "ok" to think only of themselves without regard to the consequences, what it may do to their spouse, their children, their affair partner, and perhaps their affair partner's family.

No one is saying they are superior to Tiger. But a lot of folks are saying that what Tiger did was insanely hurtful. That's not judgment, that's reality of his actions.
 
27.gif

My bad...
45.gif


I hope this helps to explain my "Mistake" for posting that he "made a mistake". I'm wrong in this situation. I see it now...

Steve
 
Originally Posted By: StevieC
27.gif

My bad...
45.gif


I hope this helps to explain my "Mistake" for posting that he "made a mistake". I'm wrong in this situation. I see it now...

Steve


Hey, no big deal. Mistakes happen.
grin2.gif
 
Originally Posted By: kb01
I feel strongly that adultery is the worst non-criminal act one can commit in our country. I have absolutely no problem with the adulterer getting completely reamed in a divorce settlement.

I intentionally avoided the whole Tiger Woods fiasco but from the little I saw, it appears that his wife was completely humiliated in front of the nation and I'm assuming was potentially exposed to who knows how many types of VD.


you can humiliate me all u want for $100 million!
 
Originally Posted By: javacontour
Trust me, as one who has suffered at the hands of an unfaithful spouse, there is no good divorce. Even $750 million wouldn't have made things right.

She may be able to suffer in style, but that's about it.



X1000,000,000,000,000, here My Friend
 
Originally Posted By: Patman
What I want to know is, have any of you guys gone through what I'm going through and have been able to save the marriage? If so, how did you do it?


Emotions are complicated things, and women's emotions much more so. Sounds like you're doing all you can be expected to do.

My parents were considering separation about 10-15 years ago but stuck together and are now more affectionate with each other than I'd seen them before. I don't know what kind of counselling they may have tried so I can't give specifics. But there definitely is hope.

And everyone on BITOG has your back!
thumbsup2.gif
 
Patman,
when I was in my late teens, my Dad moved out citing always arguing, fighting, eternal friction as reasons for needing to separate from myMum (and the family). Was happy to walk away from the family home (not family), and live in single man's hostel. None of the problems that were the problem were apparent to us children.

After we'd all moved out pretty much, they reconciled, and are very good friends in their retirement together. Great grandparents.

But they never set out to destroy each other, which is a very common theme these days.
 
last week was probably the closest i've ever come. we're ok now but still abit awkward. just a bit cranky at each other nothing like infidelity.

that stupid flouoride debate didn't help either.

noticed my 3 year old girl sad, she said she wanted to move because the house wasn't clean enough
frown.gif
 
Last edited:
I've gotten a lot of PMs and some great advice on here, you guys are the best! I guess all I can do right now is try to make things easier on my wife and to make sure I stop doing the things that make her angry and do as many things as I can to make her happy. Then at that point, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I've also come to the realization that if it turns out there is no possible way that I can make her happy again, then I have to let her go, for both her sake and mine. I don't want someone that doesn't want me. She doesn't seem to be in a rush to make any changes (hasn't asked to separate, hasn't mentioned selling the house) so I've got time on my side. And the one big thing I will continue to do is to keep a positive attitude about it and not show her when I'm depressed. Nobody wants to be with someone like that. I need to be a strong person so she can see that I'm fully able to take charge and take care of her and our family.
 
Patman my parents are from two different cultural background and both are very stubborn and this has created a lot of tension between them and they have been at the point for filing for divorce many times.

I can't tell you how many times my folks had real-estate agents and lawyers involved and then decided last minute to work things out only to be back there again in a couple years.

They finally sought counseling and were able to work thing out over the past couple years and now they are as strong as I have ever seen them. It wasn't easy but seeing them now I know it was worth it.

You both have to decide if there is anything worth saving and if there is find a counselor by talking to your doctor, the ones they recommend are usually covered by OHIP so there is no cost out of your pocket and this means they are focused on fixing your problems not financing their Mercedes with your pain.

PM me if you need more details.

Steve
grin2.gif
 
While some would suggest it out of self preservation - given how some women have gone off the reservation ...leaving a "scorched earth" behind them as they go out the door, I would think a legal separation would be a good thing. Not leaving, just sorting out the particulars (credit cards, etc). This has worked where (typically) the wife thinks that she's not getting enough out of life with her partner and is "escaping the bonds" that hold her back.

Sometimes self indulgence can get the better of you (her). Once the invisible security of the relationship is breached, then it might not look like such an essential element in her "growth" (or whatever she feels is lacking).


Here's a few instances where I've seen otherwise happy marriages abruptly ending.

Retiring upscale corporate executive. Sailed with his wife from the west coast to Hawaii on their schooner. I forget how long it took, but when they finally docked she stepped off the boat and said, "I never want to see you again".

A number of alcoholic men. In this case the wife abruptly divorced them when they actually sobered up. "I can handle you as a drunk, but sober - I can't imagine spending any more time with you".

Military officer(s): Fine for the entire 20+ years ..all the moving ..all the restrictions ..all the this and that. Shortly after the binders (on both of them) were released (now you don't have to behave that way) ..she figures out that nothing is going to change. Same discipline ..same "orders" ..etc.

I think that these all fall along the same lines of disenchantment (though admittedly under vastly different circumstances). The men are the same people fundamentally. It's the female who changed.


At least she has expressed her dissatisfaction. That's something you can explore. She could have just as easily simply split and left you alone to do it all. My cousin Wendy did that. Upper middle class upbringing (my uncle was the white untrash- Gynecologist) ..had a great career in pubic education ..nice home ..beautiful and socially graced children ..the whole package. She just abruptly split and went rogue.

As others have said, women are more emotionally complex creatures. The reasons or sensibility -practicality of things won't make sense to us in many cases.

What boils our noodle is when something like this happens when, from our perspective, "nothing's wrong" (which brings me back to the aforementioned instances - to those guys too it appeared that nothing was wrong).


I hope I never face this. It would really throw me a major curve. We've lived through so much common emotional carnage with each other and endured it in spite of the challenges that might have had others taking a hike @ 90° angles of each other.

It would feel like such a waste of good human capital to call it quits now. The hardest part is behind us ..well....so far anyway.

I would stand in (more or less) shock and ask, "Why did you drag me through all that only to do this"?
 
Originally Posted By: Gary Allan



I hope I never face this. It would really throw me a major curve. We've lived through so much common emotional carnage with each other and endured it in spite of the challenges that might have had others taking a hike @ 90° angles of each other.




I hope you don't ever face this either. It really is my definition of "[censored] on earth" right now. I can see why a lot of people just give up when faced with this type of circumstance. They cannot stand the pain they are going through and just want to make it stop. For me I'm fighting for something that I believe is worth saving, and also something I believe can be saved (but with some patience and hard work on my part). I'm willing to admit the mistakes I've made (not that I've been unfaithful, but the big thing is that I just got too much into the routine of the marriage and didn't see that there were things I was doing that made her unhappy) and I'm willing to make the changes necessary to be a better husband.
 
Gary you should be a writer, you are hilarious.
crackmeup2.gif


Patman I was divorced against my will back in 1987. I did not think anything was wrong with the marriage. At least until I suspected her not being faithful. I found out this was the case, she then wanted a divorce and tried to tell me nothing was really wrong with our marriage.
She just acted like she did not care for me and said you will find someone etc. So essentially I knew the marriage was toast. After her next marriage fizzled, she told my young Daughter that she should have stayed married to me after all.

The divorce was messy and I later reported my Ex to CPS because my Daughter had told me of some abuse. What happened after that was I had to fight for my life and try to stay out of prison after she got my Daughter who was four to say a few little things at the Hospital like I had sexually abused her.
Anyway I got off with my Parents $$$$help. My ex wife has not seen my Daughter since. I have talked to my Daughter and mentioned that she should make peace with her Mom and her parents even though they tried to get me put away for a long time. I know that they all knew I would never do anything to my Daughter.

Anyway back on topic. Patman I think you are doing all you can do that's humanly possible for your relationship. I hope and pray your wife comes to her senses and sees that things are worth saving. I mean you are a member of this forum you have to be the cream of the crop.......

The problem is women are complicated creatures and very hard to figure out. I wish you the very best.
 
I'm sure a few here have lived out some real life horror stories.

What I've found an interesting, but unfortunate side effect is that it changes the wrong person.

My podiatrist was a real nice woman. I met her very early in her practice. My whole family went there. Joyce saw her routinely to keep her feet at some standard of whatever. She shared poetry with her ..and we had outstanding conversations while she was seeing me.

Her husband ..over a period of TWENTY YEARS, basically took all of their assets and wasted them away. She finally had enough and split. For a bit, she asked me about getting her money back from him via civil action. I kinda just said that the guy was going to self induce his own prison of failure and that she at least had the future security (as much as can be) with her practice ..and that she has time to rebuild a functional life. There were no children involved.

She then turned into a different person. She was no longer friendly (not that she was unfriendly- just distant). We figured that she must have partnered up with some strong willed person who convinced her to reinvent herself and that it was her naivete that allowed this to occur to begin with. That is, some man hater (much like those so scarred here) was successful in making her feel that she was the one defective in her genuine good nature.

There was nothing wrong with her. He was the one with the character flaw. Now she's a stone cold person and all of the warmth and goodwill of a truly nice person is forever lost.


(how can I not put dark humor in here
grin2.gif
)

Whatever you do, don't watch the movie Dream Lover w/James Spader.

(quote from first ex when talking with second ex):

"she did things to me that I can't even pronounce"
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top Bottom