Good payday for Tiger Woods's Wife

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Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Lots of women think the grass is greener on the other side and get divorced..... until they realize the quality of husband they left who was very loyal and loved them through the best and worst of times.

Many women are in for a rude awakening when they get divorced and then get back into the singles scene (bar, club, online dating, blind dates....etc...) looking for 'Mr Right' and all they meet are losers , moochers, bums and men just looking to use them for sex or money.....then move onto the next woman. I had a friend that got divorced and after one year his ex wife was begging him to take her back after she realized at the mistake she made.

I consider my wife a blessing from God.


realized the mistake she made? hmmm. did she...

A. lose her job?
B. run up her credit card bills?
C. foreclose her house?
D. not make enough money at her job to support her lifestyle?
E. All of the Above
 
Originally Posted By: Shannow
Programming glitch ?

Seems to be happening in the Disney crowd too.

I'm not a big fan of pre-nups as the start of an honest marriage, as it implies a lack of trust.

Signing one that doesn't give the partner equal access to funds with the intent of personal infidelity using the pre-nup as asset protection could probably get a major civil case, and maybe even win...


As one who suffered an unfaithful spouse, a pre-nup is really the only protection against such a thing in the US. Most states don't even consider infidelity in divorce. We have this notion that divorce should be "no fault."

Folks here don't file based on adultery, they file based on irreconcilable differences. So someone like my ex-wife can have an affair, and say she wants half (or more) the children and please pay my legal fees as well, while she's the one having the affair.

So given what I know, I've had a vasectomy and strongly believe in the pre-nup.

The pre-nup protects the innocent party where the current legal system falls short. There is no stigma surrounding adultery, not unless you are a betrayed man.

Even my pastor asked me what I did to force my ex-wife to have an affair. Like it's my fault her moral compass was broken.

I understand the argument about the pre-nup looking like you don't trust the other spouse. To me, the pre-nup is not about trusting the legal system to keep the vows in place, or to specify a high cost to whomever chooses to unilaterally break the vows.

Until no-fault divorce is abolished, and I doubt that will happen, I will continue to subscribe to the notion that a pre-nup is the best defense of marriage. It's the only means to place a high cost barrier in the way of someone who wishes to unilaterally end a marriage.
 
Originally Posted By: Johnny
No prenups needed in my marriage. My wife underlined the part where it said "to death us do part".


When I got married, I told my wife there's only 2 ways out of this marriage. I die or you die. And I'm resilient.
lol.gif
 
I was dirt poor when I got married. so if I somehow ended up in divorce, splitting assets 50/50 would be ok by me. but if I was worth a billion dollars, heck, I wouldn't marry anyone without a prenup. what's this, pay the girl off 20 million. what a joke. I rather of not got married and live like vince chase on entourage.
 
Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Lots of women think the grass is greener on the other side and get divorced..... until they realize the quality of husband they left who was very loyal and loved them through the best and worst of times.

Many women are in for a rude awakening when they get divorced and then get back into the singles scene (bar, club, online dating, blind dates....etc...) looking for 'Mr Right' and all they meet are losers , moochers, bums and men just looking to use them for sex or money.....then move onto the next woman. I had a friend that got divorced and after one year his ex wife was begging him to take her back after she realized at the mistake she made.

I consider my wife a blessing from God.


Amen! (Am I allowed to say that.)

Here are some stats for you. Anywhere from 66 to 75% of divorces are initiated by women. According to Dr Willard Harley, author of His Needs/Her Needs and Surviving an Affair, he says the most women who leave have complaints about their husbands, but a small minority have husbands who are either abusive or cheaters. Dr Harley says he is unable to convince those women to leave their unfaithful or abusive husbands. (Obviously Tiger's soon to be ex-wife is the exception.)

Most women choosing to divorce are choosing to divorce emotionally clueless, but typically faithful and non-abusing men.

Why?

Because of many of the factors here. They think they can get a better deal in the divorce, that if they get rid of their husband, they'll have a better life.

On average, men are financially better off when they are divorced and women are worse off.

My ex-wife left me for a man old enough to be her father. She turned 40 this year and the guy with whom she had her affair is almost 60 now.

That relationship has long blown up, and she's now moving closer to her mother into a home that is about the same quality as the one she fled to have her affair.

Meanwhile, I've since remarried. We still have problems, but the difference is, my wife is willing to actually fight fair and work on the problems and not run off and boff some other guy.

My ex will be moving for the 4th time in 7 years since she left. I kept the house, got joint custody of my daughter, kept all my retirement funds that mine before we married. She got half of it's growth from mid 1996 to Oct 2003 which was small since the market crashed. And child support is less than what she was spending as a stay at home mom.

I'm living in a home twice as large now, with a three car garage, and other than a mortgage and oilBabe's car payment (at 1.9% APR) am debt free.

I paid off $70K of debt run up largely by my ex-wife WHILE divorcing back in 2003/2004 and when the divorce was final the only debt I had was the refinanced house to get it my name only.

Fiscally, divorce has been very good to me.

Knowing my ex-wife, I doubt it has been as good to her. My daughter often says that mom doesn't have much money. I think her parents are buying her a house, so at least she'll have a place to stay.

But I don't know all the details, nor do I want to.

Yet what LT4 Vette is saying is true. The stereotype that men behave badly, worse than women, is deeply flawed. Ditto the stereotype of women being more committed to marriage. If that were the case, then why do the number of women choosing divorce out number men by 2:1 or 3:1?

If men are so badly behaved, are the ones who are having affairs having them with other men? Nope, they are having them with women, proving that bad behavior is not a gender issue, but a character issue and folks of bad character are equally represented by both men and women.

But folks excuse the woman, saying she must have been tricked or something into sleeping with a married man. But if a wife has an affair, folks will do as my pastor did and ask what I, her husband did to force her to have an affair.

I better end my rant, I'm getting worked up.
 
Originally Posted By: javacontour
Originally Posted By: LT4 Vette
Lots of women think the grass is greener on the other side and get divorced..... until they realize the quality of husband they left who was very loyal and loved them through the best and worst of times.

Many women are in for a rude awakening when they get divorced and then get back into the singles scene (bar, club, online dating, blind dates....etc...) looking for 'Mr Right' and all they meet are losers , moochers, bums and men just looking to use them for sex or money.....then move onto the next woman. I had a friend that got divorced and after one year his ex wife was begging him to take her back after she realized at the mistake she made.

I consider my wife a blessing from God.


Amen! (Am I allowed to say that.)

Here are some stats for you. Anywhere from 66 to 75% of divorces are initiated by women. According to Dr Willard Harley, author of His Needs/Her Needs and Surviving an Affair, he says the most women who leave have complaints about their husbands, but a small minority have husbands who are either abusive or cheaters. Dr Harley says he is unable to convince those women to leave their unfaithful or abusive husbands. (Obviously Tiger's soon to be ex-wife is the exception.)

Most women choosing to divorce are choosing to divorce emotionally clueless, but typically faithful and non-abusing men.

Why?

Because of many of the factors here. They think they can get a better deal in the divorce, that if they get rid of their husband, they'll have a better life.

On average, men are financially better off when they are divorced and women are worse off.

My ex-wife left me for a man old enough to be her father. She turned 40 this year and the guy with whom she had her affair is almost 60 now.

That relationship has long blown up, and she's now moving closer to her mother into a home that is about the same quality as the one she fled to have her affair.

Meanwhile, I've since remarried. We still have problems, but the difference is, my wife is willing to actually fight fair and work on the problems and not run off and boff some other guy.

My ex will be moving for the 4th time in 7 years since she left. I kept the house, got joint custody of my daughter, kept all my retirement funds that mine before we married. She got half of it's growth from mid 1996 to Oct 2003 which was small since the market crashed. And child support is less than what she was spending as a stay at home mom.

I'm living in a home twice as large now, with a three car garage, and other than a mortgage and oilBabe's car payment (at 1.9% APR) am debt free.

I paid off $70K of debt run up largely by my ex-wife WHILE divorcing back in 2003/2004 and when the divorce was final the only debt I had was the refinanced house to get it my name only.

Fiscally, divorce has been very good to me.

Knowing my ex-wife, I doubt it has been as good to her. My daughter often says that mom doesn't have much money. I think her parents are buying her a house, so at least she'll have a place to stay.

But I don't know all the details, nor do I want to.

Yet what LT4 Vette is saying is true. The stereotype that men behave badly, worse than women, is deeply flawed. Ditto the stereotype of women being more committed to marriage. If that were the case, then why do the number of women choosing divorce out number men by 2:1 or 3:1?

If men are so badly behaved, are the ones who are having affairs having them with other men? Nope, they are having them with women, proving that bad behavior is not a gender issue, but a character issue and folks of bad character are equally represented by both men and women.

But folks excuse the woman, saying she must have been tricked or something into sleeping with a married man. But if a wife has an affair, folks will do as my pastor did and ask what I, her husband did to force her to have an affair.

I better end my rant, I'm getting worked up.


I am glad that things worked out good for you in the end. I agree, divorce is too easy to get. When a couple has a small difference they seem to run instead of resolving the problem.
 
Originally Posted By: StevieC
He messed up... He tried to make it right, it didn't work, he pays the price.

I feel bad for him and his now X-wife...
frown.gif




I don't feel bad for him at all. I do feel bad for his ex-wife.
 
Originally Posted By: StevieC
People make mistakes...


A mistake is tripping over a crack or not making the right change.

Don't minimize what Tiger did by calling it a mistake.

Dr Harley, whom I mentioned before, indicates that he's had clients who've experienced rape or other such abuse as well as the betrayal by their spouse, and almost 100% of those who've experienced all of those indicate the most damaging experience was not the rape, but being betrayed.

So unless you are willing to call rape or abuse mistakes, don't minimize the impact of cheating on your spouse as a mistake. It's far more damaging.

When my wife left, I couldn't sleep for a month, I couldn't eat and lost 25-30 pounds way too quickly. Many times, I considered ending my life as an escape from the pain, but ultimately chose not to because I couldn't do that to either her or my daughter.

I planned "accidents" for the Other Man, but decided my daughter needed me outside of prison bars.

So please, don't minimize the impact of an affair by saying it was a mistake. Mistake doesn't even begin to cover the damage done by her affair.

Neither does it cover the damage done by Tiger's actions.
 
I feel strongly that adultery is the worst non-criminal act one can commit in our country. I have absolutely no problem with the adulterer getting completely reamed in a divorce settlement.

I intentionally avoided the whole Tiger Woods fiasco but from the little I saw, it appears that his wife was completely humiliated in front of the nation and I'm assuming was potentially exposed to who knows how many types of VD.
 
Originally Posted By: javacontour


Most women choosing to divorce are choosing to divorce emotionally clueless, but typically faithful and non-abusing men.



Pretty much all men ARE emotionally clueless - or, are simply not that emotional. If woman divorce "emotionally clueless" men looking for some perfect soap opera guy who likes to spill his guts out every evening and cry, before they have passionate sex, then they're going to be in for a rude awakening. They're likely to find another, you guess it, "emotionally clueless" man.
 
One correction, typically only ONE runs.

That's another mistaken impression folks have about divorced folks.

The truth is closer to 1/2 of those who divorced didn't actually choose to divorce, but had it forced on them. It's not always because they engaged in some sort of marital misconduct either. More often, it's because their spouse has quit, or is the one engaged in the marital misconduct.

But folks cling to stereotypes and ignore facts and logic, so folks will still treat almost every situation as man=bad and woman=victim.

Sometimes it's true, such as in the Tiger Woods case. But that's the minority of cases. Most divorces don't involve that sort of marital misconduct.

But Oprah won't sell if the topic is, "Women, you are just as poorly behaved as the men to whom you shift blame."
 
I'm trying to get an emotional clue, but I think it would be easier to learn Chinese, any dialect, LOL.

I wouldn't say I'm not emotional. I'd say I'm not as driven by my emotions as my wife. I think many women assume their men don't have emotions, when what they are really saying is he doesn't have the "right" emotions.

Think of the contradiction when we are told to be emotional, but you can't be angry. OK, which is it. Anger is an emotion, and if I'm angry, that's an emotion. As long as I'm not hitting you, abusing you, calling you names, etc, then why can't I express anger over a situation?

Some get it, and understand that not all emotions are "beautiful" and suited for a romance novel. Sometimes emotions are messy, and ugly, and are difficult to handle.

We recently got into it because oilBabe said, "I feel like you are a 4th child." I mentioned to her in front of the marriage counselor that while she may have feelings, what she presented was not a feeling statement, but an attack.

He agreed.

I said, I understand why she might think that, and I understand that there is some sort of feeling underneath that, but I don't know exactly what it is. He asked what would help, and I said for her to frame it in terms of her feelings, such as, "When you forget to pick up the milk, I feel disappointed."

I'm sure oilBabe feels. But often, what we are told are statements of feelings are really just attacks that are disguised as a feeling statement.

Adding, "I feel" to a statement such as, "I feel like you are a child" doesn't turn that disrespectful statement into an expression of feelings.

So one of the benefits of trying to understand feelings is that as I corrected my behavior to reduce and eliminate such "feeling attacks" from my vocabulary, I now recognize them when they are used on me.

It may be the death of me, as I get smarter. But I think if both my wife and I stick with the education, we'll eventually learn how to lovingly and respectfully engage one another.

But I have to wonder in the back of my mind if it wouldn't be better, or easier for women and men if there wasn't such an insistence on expecting a greater emotional IQ. It's a dual edged sword as it helps me understand her, but it also shows me where she's engaging in behaviors that are not conducive to a closer relationship.

I don't think either men or women have a monopoly on how to run relationships. Nor do I buy the idea that women are better at relationships. Different, but not necessarily better.

I believe the key is to value and capitalize on each spouses relative strengths. It's not in trying to make your spouse fit into the mold you think they should.

Too many, both men and women, try this and usually with disastrous results.
 
If she's getting emotionally upset when you don't put the milk away....

I think I'm going to write a new book entitled: Men are From Mars, Women are %$#@!*ing nutz!
 
Originally Posted By: Drew99GT
If she's getting emotionally upset when you don't put the milk away....

I think I'm going to write a new book entitled: Men are From Mars, Women are %$#@!*ing nutz!


To be fair, I sometimes have the absent minded professor thing down pat. I'll say I'm going to pick up milk on the way home, someone calls me about a problem and I'm distracted away from the milk.

So she has a right to be upset.

How she (and I) deal with it is what needs some work.
 
Originally Posted By: javacontour
Originally Posted By: StevieC
People make mistakes...


A mistake is tripping over a crack or not making the right change.

Don't minimize what Tiger did by calling it a mistake.

Dr Harley, whom I mentioned before, indicates that he's had clients who've experienced rape or other such abuse as well as the betrayal by their spouse, and almost 100% of those who've experienced all of those indicate the most damaging experience was not the rape, but being betrayed.

So unless you are willing to call rape or abuse mistakes, don't minimize the impact of cheating on your spouse as a mistake. It's far more damaging.

When my wife left, I couldn't sleep for a month, I couldn't eat and lost 25-30 pounds way too quickly. Many times, I considered ending my life as an escape from the pain, but ultimately chose not to because I couldn't do that to either her or my daughter.

I planned "accidents" for the Other Man, but decided my daughter needed me outside of prison bars.

So please, don't minimize the impact of an affair by saying it was a mistake. Mistake doesn't even begin to cover the damage done by her affair.

Neither does it cover the damage done by Tiger's actions.
smirk2.gif


I'm sorry you had such a rough time in your life, really am but IMO people are human and make mistakes. I didn't say it was little or make it out to be that way... Just that it was a mistake and it was made.
wink.gif
 
No. Mistakes are something that has a ring of accidental nature to it. Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone chooses to go and harm their spouse emotionally (or any other "loved" one). I don't judge him as a human being, but his actions are inexcusable and explain much of the quality (or lack of) of his character.
 
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