dealing with despair

Status
Not open for further replies.
Been there, done that. Lots of great advice above. I think the first answer from CBDFrontier06 was excellent advice and set the tone for what you can expect. I'm happy for you that this didn't result in a legal separation (divorce).

Pick and choose the advice that suits you best. If playing "games" like not answering the phone to give the appearance of circulating works for you, then by all means do it. Otherwise, just be yourself and do the things that you enjoy.
 
Been there.

I afraid there's only one cure, my friend:

ROAD TRIP!

There is nothing like the open road to cure what ails a broken heart. The monotony of the highway gives you time to reflect, introspect, and analyze, while at the same time (given a properly chosen route) enjoy some beautiful scenery.

And the weather is perfect right now.

You're in Kentucky. I was born there. It's a perfect place to start.

Drive down to Memphis. See Graceland if you must, but that's not why you're there. You're there because it's the start of Highway 61, which is one of the great drives in all of America.

Hwy 61 takes you through Mississippi, down along the river through Vicksburg, right into the birthplace of the Delta blues. Pop in a classic blues CD as you pass through Clarksdale, birthplace of Robert Johnson and a dozen other blues legends. See if you can find the spot where Robert supposedly struck his deal with the Devil. Listen intently as you pass the ramshackle houses and cotton fields and revel in the fact that you now understand why the blues is called the blues.

Finally, you'll cross the Louisiana border, skip through Baton Rouge and head into New Orleans. And then you'll realize that your life ain't so bad after all.

Take a cell phone, but leave the bugger turned OFF. It's just for emergencies. And don't forget a roll of stamps so that every time you stop for the night, or at least pitstop someplace interesting, you can mail a postcard to one of your friends (NOT your ex---don't even think about it).

And for the encore, you now get to plan your trip back home. There are only two rules: don't go back the way you came, and stay off the interstates.

There's no telling what you might discover.

You'll need some reading material for the trip: "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" is a good start. "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac only seems fitting. And don't forget a road atlas (just in case).

And when you finally get home, find some hottie and regale her with tales of the American road. You can do that now because you're a genuine ROAD DOG, and a well-read one at that.

And towards that end, don't forget to pick up trinkets, mementos, and souvenirs. Use your imagination here. They needn't cost money (just don't get yourself shot while collecting them). Just look for anything that would be a "conversation starter," if you get my drift.

Happy wheelin'.
 
I've been mulling over all of the posts in this thread over the weekend. Thanks again for everything. I've started slowly feeling better. There were some gut wrenching moments for me at times but keeping busy does indeed help.
I wrote a letter to her late Friday telling her how I really felt and it was great. I didn't send it, of course, it's saved on my computer and she won't ever read it. But it was useful for blowing off steam.
I had the final 'talk' with her today (over instant messaging because I didn't want to talk on the phone) to try to figure out what ended up going wrong, and she said that it was because of bad timing (she's a university student right now, going to a party school no less). She has a very long history of lying to me so the conversation ended up going nowhere and after a little while she stopped responding so I wrote "au revoir" and left. That's going to be the last of it.
smile.gif
I've gathered all of her letters, pictures, cards, and other junk into a box. I will decide whether to keep it archived or throw it away at a later date, when I'm fully 'over' her. I deleted her from all of my buddy lists, friends lists, and all of that. My electronic correspondence with her has been quarantined, and I've deleted all traces of her from my phone and voicemail.

Reconstructing my life after having it entirely dedicated to her is going to take a while but it will be for the better because I've learned a lot from my experiences and will not ever lay my heart bare for a woman like that again. I'm dedicating my life back to myself
cool.gif
and I won't lose sight of that, no matter how old I get. I'm moving on to better things. I will still feel like ---- from time to time, but it will pass. Ultimately it's her loss, because she can never be with me again.
ooo.gif


Thanks for the help, one more time, I wasn't expecting the outpouring of care from BITOG. You guys rule.
smile.gif
 
This is similar to a situation that happened to me a couple years ago. My girlfriend of 3+ years decided that she didn't want to be with me anymore and I was incredibly depressed for a long time. It took tons of soul searching and time before I was even happy again with who I was. It also took me making the decision NOT to ever talk to her again before I could start to heal. This included deleting the phone # from my phone, not ever emailing anymore and just not answering the phone if she ever called. I felt beat down, useless, and pretty much pathetic for about a year. It was a very rough time for me, but I've finally moved on. Time will heal some of the wounds, but the process getting there can hurt a lot. This is certainly something that I wouldnt wish upon anyone since Ive been there and realize how hard it can be
 
Girls say they want a guy who pays a lot of attention to them, but in reality they are attracted to guys who are doing THEIR own thing. fwiw, the best pickings I've recently been around is when I go to kids sports games with my cousin and her lil girl. Hot mommies!
 
Be around people, don't isolate yourself - get out and do things. It's not that you have to talk all the time about this when you are around people - it just helps speed up recovery a lot.
And keep an eye out for the next one in your life.
 
Count your blessings. Literally and figuratively. Many times the feelings of profound grief have less to do with the loss of the object (her) than some value or perception of life that was important to you. Read "Desiderata." One of my favorite lines is 'Beyond a wholesome self discipline, be gentle with yourself.' Good luck.
 
I can't match the good advice already given but I too have been through this...many times actually. Stay active, think positively, try not to think of her in the present, know you aren't alone...Good luck.
 
"She has a very long history of lying to me"

It won't be long before you see this as a good thing in your life. I am sure it was the shock that got you a couple of days ago. Now you are being more analytical about it and that is good. Writing the letter you will never send was probably good therapy.
 
I agree... if she hada history oflying to you, then she wasnt the right girl for you anyway. In looking for the right one, you need someone that you can trust, that will desire to serve you (and of course you will desire to serve them as well), who shares the same goals and desires as you, who you can trust to be the right mother to your kids.

Its a serious thing, and there is no seriousness in a relationship that has someone lying to another...

JMH
 
A long time ago I was in hot and heavy relationship which broke up with bad feelings.

At that time she was going to the most expensive college in Michigan and racking up the student loans... undergrad and grad school.

A smile comes to my face when I realize that her husband now has to deal with the student loans she incurred when she was having a good time with me.
 
If she looks you straight in your eyes and tells you a lie, then she really shows a lack of respect. What else was she hiding or lying about ??
 
Oh wow, I never knew there were so many professional relationship consultants on BITOG. I suggest to take advice only from those who don't start with saying "As a four times divorced marriage victim, let me tell you..."
tongue.gif
 
First marriage=8yrs.
Second marriage=2 1/2 yrs.
Third marriage=21+ yrs and still both happy. Kids, hers,mine,AND ours grown with chlidren.

Personal cure after both divorces was BOOZE and lots of fresh meat!! That keeps you from confusing love and lust.

Bob
 
It seems were are not talking about food anymore. At least I hope the meat in your fridge isn't breathing.
 
My type allways HAD to have legs,arms,(at least oe of each) belly buttons, etc. Far as I know they were still breathing.
grin.gif


Allways remember,, most a them ole ugly galls will really show appreciation for what you're doing for them.
banana.gif



Bob
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

bbhero
My cat Matilda just passed away..
2 3
Replies
49
Views
1K
RobbS
M
Time to give up cellular phones? Phone number stolen and ported to a stranger
2 3
Replies
59
Views
1K
Hall
crashz
Our Dog Passed on Friday
2
Replies
37
Views
850
fat biker
M
Too many people want a deal instead of a great car.
3 4 5
Replies
94
Views
3K
4wd
y_p_w
What's the deal with the sizing of pants?
2
Replies
20
Views
917
NA4U
Back
Top Bottom